Interview with Scuba from Issue 8 of Welsh Bands Weekly

Debs has made a new game for Welsh Bands Weekly. It’s called Challenge Pixie, and for my first challenge I interview Scuba.

Scuba are fun loving nutters, with a passion for red, blue, rouge, beige and magnolia! Here’s how our night went after their fantastic gig at the Borderline.

How did you get started?

David: John used to do a paper round and I used to be an ice cream salesman – seriously! [Quick note – it’s very hard to take these guys seriously, because as you’ll see, they never come across as serious]. John came over to the ice cream van one day and we got chatting and I realised that he was a drummer. I knew Ade from school and Tony knew John so we carried on together and started to make some noise. It’s been a while… to begin with we didn’t really know what we were up to but we’ve sort of learnt how to play, which is quite good. Pretty useful!

Well, there’s no point playing if you don’t know how to play!

Ade: We go to bingo at the weekend! We like playing bingo and sort of decided to start a band.

David: Bingo’s the up-and-coming thing!

I believe him too… I was going to take some Spanish friends to Bingo but I soon realised it would be a big mistake because their English is shit and their understanding for English numbers… well, let’s not even go there!

Ade: It’s middle class. Well, it’s working class now but it’s gonna be middle class and we love it! Middle class is cool, man!

The interview has been interrupted because some foreign journalist is taking photos of us all. Yep, that’s right… we pose for her camera and then ask her for £5 each. That’s not bad – I’m famous, you know. We soon get bored of her and tell her to fuck off. Now, shall we continue? What sort of music were you brought up on, and how much of an influence has it had on the band?

Ade: I was brought up on Duran Duran. I had an older sister and she was always listening to Duran Duran and I hated it, but now it’s sort of seeped into my brain and just comes out.

David: We never listen to any music apart from Duran Duran. We’re a socialogical experiment.

Ade: We weren’t aware there were any other bands apart from Duran Duran.

I decide enough about Duran Duran and on to my favourite topic. Who’s the biggest drinker? (Kerrie and I don’t count because we’re not in the band).

David: John and me. It used to be Tony but he’s turned into a girl now. We’re sponsored by Cinzano. We used to be sponsored by sherry, but we didn’t like it. And then we got in touch with Martini and did Martini for a while but we didn’t like that either.

Ade: Martini’s fucking awful.

It tastes like shit. I’d prefer non-alcohol beer to that pissy gobshite.

David: But Cinzano is alright.

What’s your best jokes? (I’d prefer dirty ones, but no joy here).

Tony: I’ve taken my wife all round the world but she still manages to find her way back!

David: Anything that’s not offensive and is highly middle class!

I ask the next question thinking it’s a tough one, but they all answered without a pause. Bastards! Describe yourself in twelve words.

All: Middle class solar powered pop stars, Scuba PLC, strategic marketing directive plan!

You’ve been asked this one before haven’t you?! You’ve been practising! Okay, what’s your biggest fear?

Ade: Fear of success. We had a fear of failure but we decided we liked fear of failure, we now aim for four out of ten.

John: We go for just below average! It’s a good move!

David: My biggest fear is injuring myself while breakdancing!

Tony: When we got our school reports, they always said “could do better”.

David: Could try harder. Four out of ten.

A bit nicer – what’s your best dream?

Ade: You know how a cat’s foot swells up? Well I had a dream that my cat injured its foot and it swelled up like an elephant’s foot! A really big furry elephant’s foot! And that’s true – I had that last night!

David: It’s to be in bed with my mother. When I was 3 years old – being back in her arms. I once woke up in bed with her recently.

John: Yeah, not waking up without a hangover!

Tony: I try not waking up with a hangover!

I don’t get hangovers any more.

Do you share a house, Monkees-style?

Ade: No, we have houses each!

Favourite animals?

Ade: Say something about chinchillas – because they’re a pet and I hate them, so they’re my pet hate!

Everyone groans.

David: Budgies are my favourite – it’s that interaction between you…

Tony: Small furry animals like guinea pigs, rabbits…

David: Scuba don’t test on animals.

I’m glad to hear it! It’s hard to plug a keyboard into a mouse. So, what have you buried lately?

David: The hatchet, definitely.

Ade: I buried my cat’s tail.

David: I buried Islington.

Okay, so let’s round it off then.

John: My favourite colour is brown.

Ade: You want a witty quip then, eh?

Yeah. Give us a good ending for the interview, cos we’re too lazy to write one.

David: I can’t reiterate enough how much we’re solar powered corporate pop stars.

Ade: We really are solar powered. When we’re really tired after doing a gig we lay out in the sun and then we can play again. We’ve got to do that before we go on stage.

Who choreographs your Shadows/Madness-style dancing?

David: Well Jane Fonda’s workout video has been quite nice and fresh! But Wayne Sleep with his sleeveless tops…

Ade: Bonny Langford. We’ve done legwarmers and sweatbands. And we’re going to pioneer shell suits. You may hate them, but they’ll be back!

You claim to be really into marketing and stuff, so how would you market Welsh Bands Weekly?

David: Well, I could do quite a few things for you. I’d come in with a corporate brochure, maybe a corporate video and a corporate business statement at the start of the video. I’d probably get in Saachi and Saachi to give you a hand with that one!

So that’s the end of Challenge Pixie. I enjoyed working with Scuba; they’re full of fun, full of personality and witty comments.

They sound good on CD, tape and record but are even better live. Next time they play near you go out of your way to join in their wacky breakdancing skills, but don’t injure yourselves!

Me, I’m just looking forward to the leg warmers and the next single.

Chin chin, boys.

© The Mad Pixie, 1999