Fortis

I remember when you asked
If I was sober
I wish I would have thought to say
“Yeah, with an ‘M’.”
Instead, I thought of all the things
That escaped me like springs first sparrow.
I know you were watching me.
You thought I was cute when
I was quiet and thinking.

Here’s what stumbled through my mind.
God, I’m sure you’ve heard
Works in mysterious ways.
Or else
He gives you what you want.
He isn’t so flighty sometimes.
Maybe He gets a kick
Out of kicking me
When I’m down.
Or watching me,
Picking myself back up.

I’m not out.
Or safe.
Trapped so close to home.
A run-down.

And I could tell, I’m not sure how
That you were just as sick,
On the verge of intensive care,
Of chasing what is always
Just out of reach.

I guess that’s what it takes
And I’ve heard that life
Is what you make
Of it.

I made it mine.

Backs braced along the embankment
Empty bottles
Slowly pickling livers
Fingers grown close
Like weeds
Conium maculatum
Rising away from the earth
Stretching towards the light.

And I knew you’d left a mark
A completed Scantron
Heavy and dark.
Stayed in the circle.
Perfect black.

In the answer, there is confusion
So much to hope for, yet there is
A fleeing feeling
You see, I am covered in contusions
Where at first,
I’ve felt this same way before.

What does that mean on my arm?