1. Don't tell people that the only way to get on the show is to suck up to the staff while the staff is listening.
2. Don't tell people about all the game shows you've tried out for and didn't get on: nobody will be impressed.
3. Don't go to an audition without lots and lots of reading material: all you really do is wait.
4. Don't show up for the audition at noon if they tell you it's at noon: there will be 300 people ahead of you, and you'll get a really bad tryout time.
5. Don't annoy the staff.
6. Don't get confused and go in the wrong room.
7. Don't tell bad jokes while introducing yourself.
8. Don't try to ingratiate yourself with the guy running the audition by telling him a) you're from the same hometown, b) know someone from their hometown, c) you think he looks great in that shirt, or d) you're interested in how much he can bench press.
9. Make sure it's your number that they called when you get up to introduce yourself, otherwise the audition guy's going to make fun of you.
10. Don't wear a suit. Everyone will make fun of you.
11. It helps to be good-looking, at least for the first cut.
12. Be enthusiastic but not too enthusiastic. (That's OK, we didn't know the difference either.)
13. Don't tell everyone in your introduction that you're a New York City firefighter, and then tell someone on the break loudly that you knew that saying you're a New York City firefighter "would work."
14. Don't yell out things at the guy running the audition. He doesn't like that.
15. 14, Seriously. Unless you're really funny.
16. Don't go with people you know. If one of you gets on and the other one doesn't, it will just lead to dissention and bitterness.
17. It helps to speak fluent English.
18. Don't think just because you're a big smartypants that you're a shoo-in. Try "Game KNB?" or "WWTBAM." They're much more accepting of smart, less than attractive people.
19. It helps if you have an interesting job.
20. Don't call them, they'll call you.

"Queen Of Mean"
Get to know the Mother of all insults, and more. Black is such a fashion statement.

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