---

THE TRUTH ABOUT FISH

Let me tell you something about fish.
They swim in the ocean.
Take that. 

I learned about fish from the film “Finding Nemo.” It was a heart wrenching 
tale about some fish and then another fish that the original fish had to find 
or something. I never saw it, but I did see the previews, and that's enough
for me, I'm a quick thinker.

Another thing I learned about fish from the movie is that they talk and shit. 
I didn’t think they could do that, but what do I know? Apparently all sorts of 
sea animals can talk. Also when you go underwater everything becomes cartoon. 

Yesterday, I went to the ocean, so I could go underwater and become a cartoon. 
When I went in, people screamed “SHARK!” and left the water, and the coast 
guard came and tried to harpoon me. Once I got back onto the shore, the police
came and I was charged with mischief. 

When the police released me, I decided to go continue my fish research. I went 
to the local aquarium to quiz the workers about the true nature of aquatic 
life. I wanted to know all about the inner workings  of FISHUS GILLUS 
(fish). Unfortunately, I forgot to wear clothes and the cops were called again.



When I got out of jail, I was feeling pretty lonely, so I went back to 
Aquarium World to ask the salesgirl on a date. She said “NO!” and her manager 
chased me out of the store with a broom.  

When I got home, I started weeping because of rejection.

"WHY DO WOMEN HATE ME???" I cried. I decided I would take my mind off the 
horrible pain by reading up on fish. I got out my novelization of the movie
"Big Fish" and started to read, but whenever the word 'fish' was mentioned,
I was reminded of Aquarium World and the she-bitch that rejected me.

I couldn't take the pain, so I threw away all my fishing paraphenlia. Then I
drowned my sorrows in pornography.

Until next time, I'm Greg MacDonald.
THE END

Back