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THE PASSION OF THE PARODY ARTICLE

 “Oh shit, that dude got crucified!”
- The Bible 
	
With Easter just around the corner, Mel Gibson decided to get richer. He made 
a movie about a dude getting the shit beaten out of him and dying. I decided I 
also wanted to be rich so that I could support my ever-growing drug addiction 
(donations to be sent to g2macdon@ryerson.ca), so I hitched up my Winebaggo 
and headed down south, to Hollywood.

There, I met up with major Hollywood executive Richard Forecast, who is 
actually just some made up guy that I couldn’t think up a funny name for. I 
told Forecast, or “Richard,” as I liked to call him, because that’s the kind 
of guy I am, comma, that I had an exciting new film idea to pitch to him. He 
had rejected my last two projects “Let Greg Have Sex with Your Wife,” and its 
sequel, “Or Your Daughter.”

“This time it’s different!” I said to him, noting that I had used the correct 
from of it’s, “It’s a sequel to the PASSION OF THE CHRIST.”

Forecast leaned back in a typical Hollywood fashion and said “I’m listening,” 
or whatever Hollywood execs say.

So I told him my plan for the new movie “THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: ATTACK OF 
THE CLONES,” in which Jesus, who was crucified in Gibson’s film, is 
resurrected and clones himself, ultimately overthrowing the Roman emperor.

Forecast leaned even farther back in his chair and said this: “Give it up, 
Greg. Everyone is writing parody articles about the Passion these days. It’s 
the new hip thing, like Pogs were at one point. Besides, this isn’t even 
particularly good, most are somewhat coherent.”

“Well,” I explained, “it’s only my second article, and it’s only appearing on 
some Geocities website.”

Forecast fell backwards in his chair, and from the floor said, “Movies hold a 
lot of sway in North America.. They cause people to get really emotional, even 
though they are just movies, you know? This movie is even a more 
sensitive issue, because it involves religion. In the end, most of these 
critiques and parodies of the Passion are just writers stemming their disdain 
for religion.”

“No,” I disagreed, “that isn’t a valid argument. What about when they give 
movies like Star Wars bad reviews? Does that mean that they hate the Jedi 
Religion?"

“Maybe, but these reviews are more mean-spirited. Both sides of the argument 
are attacking each other over beliefs, although both would deny it vehemently. 
Those who oppose the film most vocally are really condemning Gibson for his 
beliefs; does it really matter what sect of Christianity he follows?

And those who defend the movie, they hit out at the opposition because the 
opposition doesn’t believe in Christ. They’re not arguing over the merit of 
religion, but about the validity of each other’s beliefs.”

“Well that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Debate is important!”

“This isn’t so much a debate, though. It’s more like two sides hurling insults 
at each other. This film has brought about valid arguments over violence in 
film, but these debates have been overshadowed by the battle of religions.”

I pondered this. “What do you suggest?”

Forecast pulled himself off the floor and looked at me. “What Hollywood needs 
right now,” he said slowly, “is a new MAD MAX film.”

“Excellent,” I said, pulling a script out of my bag, “I’ve got some ideas 
about that.”

***

When I returned to Canada, I sat down and turned on the television. Then I 
realized I didn’t have a television and got really confused.

Until next time, I’m Greg MacDonald.

THE END

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