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THERE'S A STAR DESTROYER IN MY THROAT!

I take pills, for things. Every night, I have to take two pills. It keeps the 
crazies away, keeps me pretty. 

I’m pretty good at remembering to take my pills, and I’m pretty good at taking 
them too. I have that insane talent of being able to take a pill without 
drinking water!! On Monday night, however, my streak of being King Pill 
Taker ended in a tragic and throat mangling mistake.

I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but one of the pills I took that night got 
lodged in my throat.  Being, calm, cool, and sexy, I didn’t panic. I filled up 
my glass with some more water and tried to wash the pill away. 

Nothing happened.  

“Shit,” I said. I then tilted my head back and slowly drank the water to try 
and dislodge the pill.  
“No, dipshit,” my mind said, “that’s how you get rid of hiccups.” 

I decided to just leave it for the night, it should get loose during the night 
and dislodge.

Wrong.

I woke up, and SURPRISE SURPRISE, the pill was still there. 

“Well, maybe some warm liquid would disintegrate it a bit, or something,” I 
thought. I drank one coffee. Nothing. I had a jelly donut. Nothing. I hit my 
throat with the back of my hand multiple times.

Enough, I had work to do. Again I decided to just leave it alone.

I went about my day, occasionally making large horking noises, frightening my 
floormates. By dinnertime, it was still there, just below the Adam’s apple. 



It was time to take decisive action: Mashed Potatoes.

Alas, even the warm mushiness of mashed potatoes did not get rid of the cursed 
pill. So I did what I had to. I got out my steak knife, and sliced open my 
throat.

Blood poured all over the room, covering the ancient Egyptian scrolls I had 
been translating. As I started to feel woozy from blood loss, I reached into 
the gaping hole in my neck. I fished around in my throat for the cursed pill.

There was nothing there.


That night, I dreamt I was on Tatooine and had to stop this guy I know from 
joining the Galactic Empire.

Until next time, I’m Greg MacDonald.

THE END

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