The Owner and former president of a big company was about to retire.
At the retirement he held a speech directed to the new president.
-Young man you have made a brilliant career at our company.
You recently started here at the company mail service.
Three months later you became the manager of the department, another three months later you became vice president and now we
hand over the whole company to you. Magnificient!
What´s your own comment to this, the fastest career ever at this company?
-Well, what can I say? Thanks, daddy!
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A school class had a group picture taken of the class.
The students were not too enthusiastic about it but Anderson the teacher he
was.
-Get those pictures, he said. You´re going to love watching them pictures when youve grown up. You can tell your friends and your kids about it...
look there,s Eric, hes a doctor now, and there,s Anne, she lives in Canada
now ...
and so on…
(A voice came from the rear of the classroom):
-And there's Anderson, the teacher, he's dead now...
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An old couple had been married too long. The only
thing they enjoyed was driving the other one crazy.
One day the wife said to her husband:
-There´s a water leak in the bathroom. Can you fix it?
-Me? I´m not a plummer, am I ? said the husband.
The next day the wife complaint:
-The lights in the basement isn´t working. Can you fix it?
-Me? I´m no electrician, am I ? said the husband.
On the third day the husband got home in the evening and the
wife was standing outside the house with a big smile.
-Everything is fixed now! She said. Our neighbour spent
the whole day here, and fixed it for us!
-Uh, wasn´t that expensive then? Asked the husband.
-Oh no, the only thing he asked from me was either to
make him a big cake or go to bed with him.
-So I supposed you made him that cake then?
-Me? I´m no baker, am I ?
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Changing the light bulbs. This started with, I think, Norwegians.
There was three of them needed to change a light bulb, one changing the bulb and the others turning the ladder around. It could be used on every nationality and wasn´t very funny in the first place.
-How many AMERICANS does it take to change a broken light bulb?
It takes two of them. One to change the bulb and one standing besides saying
”We got much better light bulbs back in the States”
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-How many SCOTSMEN does it take to change a broken light bulb?
NONE! “Don´t worry ´bout me, Jimmy, I´ll just sit here in the dark”.
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-How many COUNTRY SINGERS does it take to change a broken light bulb?
It takes two of them. One to change the bulb and one standing besides singing about how much he misses the old light bulb.
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-How many GORILLAS does it take to change a broken light bulb?
It takes only one gorilla but an awful lot of light bulbs.
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-How many REAL MEN does it take to change a broken light bulb?
NONE! A real man is not afraid of the dark.
