Warnings/Disclaimer: We dun own Gundam Wing, but you already knew that! ^^ This is not for Pro-Sally dudes, (coughallthreeofyoucough). We make no profit off this. Wufei is cute, Duo is cuter, and Heero is…Heero-ish…(sweatdrop) This story has nothing new, only blissful bashing. Do you care to flame us? Of course you don’t!

(At the Secret Apartment)

     (Akuma is clutching the check and staring at it with hearts in her eyes. Umei is helping herself to a whole closet full of pocky. Quatre and Trowa…uh…where are Quatre and Trowa?)
     (After a moment of silence, the ceiling caves in and a screaming Wufei falls thru; landing on the coffee table, shattering it.)
Akuma: (looks up for a moment to blow and brush dust off her)
     (There are wall scrapes all over the place. Wufei is lying down, looking with swirly eyes)
Umei: (brushing plaster off herself) Geez…what in the world…?
Wufei: Book you run dog! (says in Chinese)
Umei: Eh?
Akuma: Wufei! You wrecked our ceiling!
Wufei: No people-pancakes me make…! Eh…ooo…
Umei/Akuma: ?????

     (A little while later, after an ice pack, some screaming, coffee, a white coat, pocky and other stuff…)

Wufei: (Tears streaming down his face) And…she called me “My little person” then “My little pancake” and other things not determining justice! And touching me in inappropriate places!
Umei: (Sigh) So what do you want us to do about it?
Akuma: Yeah, she’s a preventor, there’s not much we can do…
Wufei: Nataku…I have failed…
Umei: (Sighs again) Akuma, is there anything we can do?
Akuma: Well…
Wufei: Please! I can’t take this torture anymore!
Umei: Akuma, we don’t have to kill her but…well, maybe we can do something to twizzle braids?
Akuma: Well, it depends on what we get paid.
Wufei: Anything for my peace!
Akuma: Alrighty, Umei…get your Bag-o-Stuff! We’re heading to Cobble Stone Avenue!
Umei: Hai!
Wufei: In return for this, I’ll fix your roof and pay you 1,000 credits…
Akuma: Sounds good to me.
Umei: Better add in some pocky!
Wufei: (sigh) Okay… (grunt, mumble)

(Outside Sally’s Shag Pad)

Umei: What do you think we’re in for?
Akuma: Dunno. Let’s hope not “Twizzle Power” -_-;;;

(Knock, knock!)

    (Sally Po opens the door and Akuma and Umei scream for their lives)
Umei: God save us!! (Jumps into Akuma’s arms)
Sally: (In a bathrobe, with green face cream and cucumber slices on her eyes and a towel in her hair) Nani? Ohayo? Ya??
Umei: AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Akuma: (Drops Umei) Baka.
Umei: (Fall) Itai!
Akuma: (Punches Sally in the stomach)
Sally: (Falls to the ground)
Umei: (Stands up) That hurt! T_T
Akuma: (Look at person on the floor)
Sally: Ex-cuse me! Why did you (cough) do that?? (rubbing stomach)
Akuma: …(blink, blink)
Umei: We thought you were Satan.
Sally: Grrrr…

     (Later, after Sally had invited them in)

Umei: (Looking at the “wallpaper” of pictures on the wall. They are all of Wufei.) So…
Sally: So?!
Akuma: So, why are you yelling at your guests?!
Sally: GRR!! (Plucks them by the ears and drags them to the door) When you get your manners back, give Auntie Sally a call! (Throws them out the door and they slide down the driveway)

     (Later, across the street at the medical building) (AN1: Medical building?!) (AN2: Yeah!)
Akuma: (Putting another band-aid on her leg) That was painful…
Umei: (With a rag filled with ice on her ear) I know… (both of them are all scraped up)
(AN1: Musta been some pavement..) (AN2: You should have seen them skid!)
Umei: Hai. Too painful.
Akuma: And Wu-man expects us to get rid of her?
Umei: No, just to get her to leave him alone…
Akuma: This seems impossible…
Umei: So did our other missions.
Akuma: But…I wanna go home! (sniffles)
Umei: Kami...maybe if we blow up her house or something?
Akuma: Uh… (pulls out lint from her pocket) You blew all our money on all the blasted pocky!! And that check is going to our retirement fund! We have no money to get bombs or the materiel to make one! Because of you! (Shakes Umei silly)
Umei: Hey, hey! Snap outta it! (Whack her off) Don’t worry, I’ll sell some pocky at unreasonable prices so we can save up for some pyro material.
Akuma: (sigh)

(Outside of Secret Hide-out)

     (This is the next day; Umei is standing on the side walk…)
Umei: (Infront of a cheap, just thrown together pieces of 2x4’s) GET YOUR POCKY!!! (The sign says “Pocky for Sale” with some of the letters backwards)
Some random kid named Bob: I wanna buy some pocky!
Umei: (Thinking) 'I have to sell my awesome product to this dishonourable cur?!'
Bob: How much?
Umei: Too much for you to afford! Now beat it before I get angry!
Bob: (Runs away crying)
Akuma: (Yells out the window) Umei, we’ll never make any profit if you don’t sell!!
Umei: But it’s my pocky!!
Akuma: (Sigh) I don’t care! Sell it or I sell you to the circus…with Trowa! (Slams window closed)
Umei: (Mumble, mumble)
Some random kid named Ralf: Yo! Pocky! What kid you got?
Umei: (Twitch) I got every kind pocky. (Begins list) Strawberry, chocolate, men’s, milk, marble, vanilla, coconut, spoon, mongoose, cherry, cow, beef, mad, Holy, Ultima, Flare… (AN1: Wait! She’s getting into Final Fantasy magic!)
Umei: (goes on and on)
     (The pink energizer bunny starts walking across the stand)
Umei: (Throws it off across the street where it's run over by a truck)

     (She finally manages to sell all her pocky to the kid saying if he didn’t buy it…she would sic a Gundam on him)

Akuma: Umei…that was low.
Umei: I don’t care! I sold it, didn’t I? Let’s just get it over with and get our money!

     (They return to Sally’s Shag Pad in hopes of finding her Wufei shrine and totally destroy it. Then Sally will destroy herself and the world will be a happy place once more…at least in Wufei’s sexist world…)

Akuma: I’m going to have nightmares about this one… (Peeks thru a window)
Umei: It should be her bedroom closet. The neighbors say she’s in there all day and all night screaming Hessian words and dancing in a tutu…

     (They find Sally’s bedroom window and sneak in. They open in the closet and stare in horror. Pictures, candles, incest, necklaces, pendants, brooches, and some clothing like Wufei’s ballet slippers, his blue tank top and his little bracelets.)

Umei: The first thing is to this box personal wear.
Akuma: We can get rid of it by giving them to Wufei.
Umei: …Hm…
Akuma: You sure he wants them back? (Snaps on a pair of rubber gloves) Umei: Erm…nevermind…
Akuma: (With a fume hood, carefully picks up the box and throws it in an air-sealed box) …ew…
Umei: Um…how about the $20 a day incense can?
Akuma: (Opens can) Hm… (Takes off fume hood and takes a whiff) …ugh…(falls over)
Umei: Erm…Akuma...? (Poke) You okay? (Poke, poke, poke) Hmph! I have to do everything myself don’t I? Fine!! (Pulls out a spritz bottle that she swiped from Trowa) Ah hah! (Reading the label) “Highly flammable! Keep away from pregnant women and children! Keep away from open heat or flame!” Perfecto!
Akuma: (Wakes up) VORPAL!!!
Umei: Eek! (Falls over) Ooo… (Feet in the air)
Akuma: Gimme, gimme, GIMME!! (grabs bottle) Ph34r! F1r3 is fr33!! (speaking L33T now) F1r3! (evil syko ZERO glare) Eeeeeeeeeeeee!! (sprays whole shrine)
Umei: Um…that’s not safe…um...um...drop the bottle-
Akuma: Eeeeeeeee! (jumps up and down)
Umei: (sighs)

(Oh…10 minutes later…)

Sally: And stay out!! (slams door)
Umei: Itai…that hurt…(stands up and holds back)
Akuma: Oh…ow… (tries to stand up)
Umei: And it’s all your fault! (points dramatically at Akuma)
Akuma: Nani yo?! MY fault??
Umei: Yeah your fault! I wasn’t the one who began screaming “Ah DUH! Ee!”!!!
Akuma: Grrrr…
Umei: (sigh) Okay look, we need that bow and-

    KABOOM!!!!!
Umei/Akuma: Eh??

    (Sally’s house exploded and is now on fire)

Akuma: Um…
Umei: She lit the incense.
Akuma: (cough)

    (Both are imagining)

(See Sally in the closet. She keeps saying “ooommmmnnnn” while meditating in front of a bubblegum statue of Wufei)
Sally: Hee hee… (she slowly lights a candle in the closet) My little pancake! (KABOOM!!!) ((cough))

Umei/Akuma: Hee hee hee…

(Later)

Umei: Too bad the lil' fire fighter dude couldn’t find Sally in that closet as the house burned down...
Akuma: True, true… (nods) And Wu-man’s stuff is dust too.
Umei: I wonder if Woofie is done with our roof.

(Back at the Apartment)

Wufei: NO it’s NOT done!
Umei: Awww…
Akuma: (Sigh) C’mon Umei, let’s go rent a hotel…

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