Finally, we are going home. It feels like we have been on the road for years. We get to take two weeks for ourselves and then it is back to the studio for 3 months then back on the road for another tour.

Sorry, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Joshua Scott Chasez and I am a member of Nsync. I have been touring and living off and on with the other four guys of the group for several years now. I bounce from one of their houses' to the other when we have down time. I must sound like quite the mooch to you. Well, my reasoning is that why should I buy a place to live when I am never there? Justin bought a house and his mom and step-dad promptly moved in. Lance has a house in Orlando, Clinton, and an apartment in New York. Chris has an apartment in Penn and one in Orlando, and Joey just finished building his house and finally moved in with Kelly (they live in New York). He also has an apartment in Orlando. So you see I have several places that I could stay. The guys usually don't mind when I stay with them. Sorry for rambling on. This time around I am staying with Lance in his Orlando home while we record but I am going home to visit my folks for the two weeks that we are off.

I have a great deal of thinking to do and that is like the best place in the world to think. I'm sure you know what I mean. Sitting on your bed, radio playing, and mom's home cooking wafting through the house. I think I miss that the most when I am on the road. We never have real home cooked food. I usually don't get that unless, I visit my mom or one of the guys' moms. When I am staying with the guys it's usually easier to just order out. I usually spend alot of time visiting Justin's house when we are in Orlando (all of us do), since his mom is usually there and there is always real food to eat.

Sorry, started rambling again. Back to my problems. Like I said I have several things that I need to think about. The first of which is I have a serious problem with my mind and body not thinking alike. You see my mind is quite certain that it is attacked to women, but my body seems to like men more. I have noticed that it is not so much any guy, but one in particular. I guess this might be a good thing, if he weren't in the group with me. I really enjoy his company. He is sweet, kind hearted, fun to be around and he isn't always screwing around like some of the others. He takes his business very seriously, all of them. Sometimes I really worry about him. It seems that he is spreading himself out way to thin. He is trying to do so much that he doesn't have any time for himself.

I love him as a brother but it seems that lately, well, lets just say that I have a very "hard" time keeping my eyes off of him. I believe that I am not completely gay, because I still find Bobbee and Britney quite attractive, so I'm thinking that I am probably bi-sexual. I don't think the "guys" will have a problem with this especially since Justin has told me he is bi and Joey is bi. I don't even think Lance (who everybody would have thought would have the most problems with bi's and gay's) would really care since he told me last week that he is gay. Not just bi, but gay. I even have a few suspicions that Chris isn't as straight as he claims to be. I have, so far, been able to restrain myself to some extent, but I'm not sure how long I will be able to.

I would love to be able to wrap my arms around that wonderful man's body and hold him tight. I feel a little bad for him that I am running home to my mom. He is facing his fears and taking these two weeks to go home and tell his family that he isn't as straight as they thought he was all this time. I asked him if he wanted someone to be with him during this time and he said that he would be fine. I told him to call me if he needed anything. I hope that he calls if he goes badly. His parents aren't exactly the most open minded.

"JC?"

"JC????"

"What?"

"Man, where were you? We're at the airport. Time to go man."

"Thanks Lance. I guess I was just deep in thought."

"Yeah. You seem to be doing that alot lately. Is there something wrong? You know if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. We all are."

"Thanks. I'm fine. Just need to work a few things out for myself. Once I come to a conclusion you will be the first to know."

"Alright, but don't take too long. You keep spacing out like that and we'll never get the album done. Well, this is my terminal. See you in a couple of weeks. You got the key, right?"

"Yeah, I got the key. I don't know why your so worried, your flight back is earlier than mine. You should be there long before I even leave Maryland. I know but I just want to make sure you can get in. I might head out to get food or something and don't want to leave you hangin' til I get back. Well, see you in a couple of weeks."

"Bye, see ya."

Damn. He is just too cute when he is all worried about me. Well here is my gate. Off to mom's.

************

On the plane

"Good afternoon sir, can I get you anything to drink? The flight attendant asks."

"No thanks I think I'm just going to sleep. Please don't wake me up until we arrive."

"Yes sir. I'll make sure no one bothers you."

"Thank you."