I woke up the next day with a heavy lump on my chest. It took me a few minutes to get my bearings. I slowly squirmed my way out from under the two young men, trying desperately to not wake them up. I made my way to the bathroom and then down to the kitchen to make a small breakfast before the others woke up, hoping fervently that Justin would eat at least a little bit.

I finished fixing the breakfast and returned to the bedroom. When I entered the room I was met with tired green eyes.

"Hey," Lance whispered.

"Hey, I made you some toast and coffee."

"Thanks," he answered as he tried to scoot up without waking Justin.

"Here, let me help you." I sat the tray of food down and went to stuff an extra pillow behind him to lean on. "Better?"

"Much, thanks."

"My pleasure," I give him a quick kiss then grab the tray of food again. "I wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle butter or anything greasy so I have plain toast and some with butter on it."

"Josh, you don't have to do that. We could have come downstairs. I could have made him something."

"No, your job is to stay with Justin and see to it that he doesn't try anything. I'm afraid if we get him to start eating, he'll just figure out another way to accomplish this goal of his. You need to stay with him and show him that he 'is' real."

"Um…But…" Lance stuttered.

"Lance, I know this is gonna be hard on us, but he needs you so much right now. I can't deny him this. If I do, it'll kill him. I love him too much to be so selfish."

"Josh," Lance sighs. "You are the least selfish person I know. You deliberately go out of your way to make sure that we are all taken care of, even if it costs you a relationship."

"Yeah, this almost cost me you. I should have just told you, instead of trying to keep it from you."

"You were doing what he wanted Josh."

"But…" I trailed off as Lance placed a finger on my lips. "Hmm. I like the way you think, love." "Hey Curly," I said. "You a hungry."

"Um… Not really, but I gotta pee like a race horse." He said as he tried to sit up and get out of the bed. "I'm done." He croaked.

"K," I helped him return to the bedroom and get back into the bed. We both noticed that Lance had disappeared.

"Where'd he go?" Justin asked in a hurt tone.

"I'm sure he just went to the other bathroom. He'll be back soon. Here let me help you get comfortable."

"Josh, thank you for all you've done for me. I don't know why you're doing it, but thank you."

"You don't know why. Oh, Justin," I pull his frail body to me. "I'm doing this because you are my best friend. I've known you for so long that I don't know what I would do if you weren't in my life. I love you so much."

"Hey, what'd I miss?" Lance asks as he leans against the door frame.

"You didn't miss much. We were just bonding a bit." I said getting up from the bed. I walk to Lance and pull him in my arms. "Try to get him to eat something, would you?" I whisper and continue on down the hall.

As I return to the empty kitchen the phone rings, "Hello?"

"Hey Jayce."

"Hey Chris. What's up? Why are you awake this early in the morning?"

"Man, have you looked at a clock yet? It's like one in the afternoon dude."

"What?" I turn and look at the clock above the sink. "Shit, we didn't miss anything did we?"

"No, Johnny's rescheduled everything. We've got two weeks, then Joey and I are gonna head for New York and play up MTV a bit. You know TRL, Say What, and whatever Johnny can get us onto. Gotta keep our faces out there."

"Yeah, that's cool. What does he know?"

"Not much. Hey, I'm gonna come over for a bit. I don't think it's such a good idea we talk about this over the phone."

"Ok, you might wanna stop and get Joe. That way I only have to go over the whole story once instead of two times."

"Yeah, I'll do that. See you in a few."

"Bye Chris." I hang the phone up just in time to hear Lance yell my name. "Shit, now what." I take the stairs three at a time. "What is it Lance?"

"Could you help him to the bathroom? I got him to eat a bit but it's bothering his stomach. "

"I got him. Why don't you go take a shower and change? You stink baby." I say with a smile. "Come on Just, lets get you in a nice warm tub of water. Would you like that?"

"Hummm." Justin groans.

I go to the bathroom, run the water for a bit then return to the bedroom for Justin.

"Come on J. The water will make you feel better and we can get you cleaned up a bit. I know you hate being filthy."

"I'm sorry, Lance. I didn't mean to get sick on you." Justin mumbles.

"Justin? Lance is in the shower in the other room. This is Josh. Do you understand me?"

"Josh? Where's Lance?"

"He's in the other shower. Come on, into the tub you go."

I got him into the tub and was getting ready to go get him some clothes when he said, "Please stay. I don't wanna be alone."

I just turned around and sat on the toilet. He tried to raise his arm to get the sponge and soap but couldn't get his arm high enough. His pale blue eyes looked to me. I watched as he tried again, he still couldn't get them up high enough.

"Josh, help me please." He asked with a tear in his eye.

I got up, moved to the tub and helped him lift his arm the last bit to get the soap himself. He glanced up to my face. I gave him an encouraging smile, "You can do this Justin. I know you're weak but you can do this. I have faith in you. I'll help you if you 'really' need it."

"Thank you." He said quietly.

He finished up and I was helping him out of the tub when the doorbell rang. He looked at me with fear in his eyes.

"It's ok. It's just Joey and Chris. They're worried about you. They don't know anything other than you were rushed to the hospital and extremely malnourished. They wanna know what's going on. They wanna help you too Just."

"I don't want them to see me like this, Josh."

"They won't Justin. We'll get you in some sweats and a baggy shirt. I'm not gonna even try to drag you down those stairs. I'll bring them up here after I tell them what's going on. Ok?"

I helped him back to the bed just as Lance returned, "Hey, we've got company."

"Yeah, they called while I was downstairs. They'd like to know what's going on."

"You gonna tell them everything?" Justin asked from his spot on the bed.

"No, I'm just gonna tell them that you are staying here and aren't gonna be able to do much for a while. Do you want me to tell them everything?"

"It'll sound better coming from you. You're better at breaking bad news to people. I… I can't Josh. Not yet. I'm not strong enough for that yet." Justin whispered.

"Ok, if you want me to. I'll tell them the truth. You want me to tell the everything?" I asked again. I wanted to make sure he knew I was gonna tell them what he had said about being a fake.

He looked up into my eyes, I swear I could see the plea in his eyes, "everything Josh."

"I'll try to break it to them gently Justin. Lance get him dressed in something loose. They're gonna want to see him when I'm done."

"You got it." Lance followed me to the door of the bedroom. "I love you, you know?"

I turn and smile at him, "I love you too."

I shut the door and head down the stairs once again.

As I hit the bottom step I'm greeted with, "Where is he?" from both Chris and Joey.

"Guys, you need to sit down. I have a few things to tell you before you can see him."

They both look at me with puzzled expressions and Chris asks, "What is it Jayce? What's wrong with him?"

"Sit down and we'll talk," I said as I ushered them both to the living room. They both sit down. I started pacing back and forth across the room. "I'm not sure what the best way to tell you this is, so I'm just gonna state what I know."

"Jayce?" Joey questions.

"Hmm?" I glance at him, biting my bottom lip.

"We already know he's gay." Joey jokes trying desperately to relieve some of the tension in the room.

I smile at him, "Thanks Joey, but this is much more serious than that. He's been starving himself. I'm not sure how long it's been going on but I do know that it's been going on for a long time."

"Is that why…" Chris started and then trailed off.

"Yeah, that's why the other night happened. His body has reached the point that it's now rejecting food. We tried to get him to eat some toast today and he promptly threw it up. But…" I trailed off, trying to decide how to tell them the rest.

"But what Jayce?" Joey asked.

"There's more?" Chris asked incredulously.

I looked at Chris and then Joey, "Yeah, there's more. He thinks he's a fake. He thinks his life, his looks, everything is fake."