Justin thought the whole thing started the moment they met Lance. There was no way Chris, the most wild and crazy person he knew, could ever get along with Lance, this quiet, preppy, hick kid. JC’s contention was that Chris, who’d been working so hard to get this group together, didn’t understand Lance, with his head in the clouds—literally; Lance, who couldn’t dance or play sports or video games, the things Chris lived for. Joey thought it started a few months later, when Lance had tearfully revealed that he was gay.
They were gathered in the kitchen of the house where they were all living in Orlando. When Lance whispered, “I’m gay,” Chris was the first to react, pounding his fist on the table in anger.
“If you let this fuck up the group, fuck up my dreams, I’ll kill you,” he screamed. He sneered at Lance in disgust and muttered “damn fag” under his breath before slamming his chair back and rushing out of the house.
The other guys tried to comfort Lance, but the damage was already done. From then on, Lance handled his romantic life with the utmost discreetness. No one ever saw him come home with a guy, though sometimes they did hear low, breathy moans and pants through the hotel walls. By virtue of being the one who’d taken care of him the most in those early days, Justin was the only one who was allowed to tease him about what they heard, but even then, Lance would never admit to anything or confide in anyone.
Lance was usually shy and laid-back, except when it came to Chris. Lance would say or do something, Chris would make a rude comment, and seconds later it would escalate to anything from curses to physical blows. The worst incident, the one that forced JC to give them “the talk”, ended when Lance, reeling from a kick to the groin, flipped Chris over into a coffee table, cracking his head open and requiring several stitches.
Justin had come to Lance after that, eyes wide with the wisdom of a sixteen-year-old and misty with tears unshed. “You gotta stop this shit, Lance, you gotta. ‘Cause he’s my best friend and you’re my best friend and I won’t choose.”
Lance knew how scared Justin was, with Chris in the hospital overnight. He was pretty shaken up himself. He didn’t know a person could bleed that much and still be mostly okay.
“I know you don’t understand, Just, and I’m sorry. Really, I didn’t mean to hurt him. Come here, sleep with me tonight.” When Justin started to protest, Lance smiled softly. “It’s okay. I know he lets you sleep with him when you’re upset.” Justin nodded shyly and climbed into Lance’s bed.
He woke up a few hours later with questioning blue eyes staring at him. Justin started to turn away but Lance grabbed him. “You woke me up, you might as well spit it out.”
“Do you… have you…” Justin sighed. “Joey hooks up, Chris hooks up, even JC hooks up. With girls, of course, but still… Do you hook up?”
Lance pursed his lips. “Not that I want to talk about this, but just so you know, yes, I’ve been with guys, but I promise, not while I was on tour or around you guys. I won’t do anything stupid and get caught, I swear it to you.” He closed his eyes to go back to sleep, but he still felt Justin’s gaze on him. He reached out and pulled the younger boy onto his chest. “What’s wrong?”
“I just… I feel bad. Like we’re keeping you from something. Like if you weren’t in this group, you’d be gay and happy, with a great boyfriend or something.”
Lance chuckled. “Not in my hometown.”
Justin shrugged. “Anyway, if you want, we can make out. Maybe even other stuff. I won’t tell anybody, and I thought it would make you feel better. I’m all about increasing the peace.”
“J. No way. You’re straight. And it’s not like Chris and I fight because I’m sexually frustrated.”
The famous Timberlake pout reared its ugly head. “It’s not ‘cause I’m straight, it’s ‘cause I’m too young. You wouldn’t turn JC down. You suck.”
“Sometimes,” Lance giggled. Justin tried to squirm out of his arms but Lance was stronger than he looked. “I’m sorry, J, I didn’t realize you were so serious. If you’re sure this is what you want,” Justin nodded his head vigorously, “we can try it. Once. If you’re uncomfortable, it stops. Okay?”
“’K. Now come jump my sexy ass.”
Lance laughed. “Justin. Stop it.” Justin was lying on his side wantonly, with the come-hither stare they often made him have in photo shoots.
“Yo, I’m hot. Come get me.” He trailed a hand down his bare chest and let his hand rest over his crotch. “Sexy mofo here. Come on, Lance.”
His better intentions cast aside with one look at the hard-on beginning under Justin’s hand, Lance lightly pushed Justin down and crawled over him. He gave him a gentle kiss, then began a thorough exploration of his mouth, licking lips and teeth and tongue. Justin gave a surprised gasp and kissed back, hard and deep, leaving Lance panting for air. They pulled back from one another and just stared.
“Huh,” Lance said. He’d assumed Justin was a fabulous kisser, with those perfect lips of his, but he’d never given it much thought, because, hello, Justin was sixteen and straight as the day was long. And the day wasn’t the only thing that was long, Lance noted.
“Wow,” Justin said, reaching down to adjust his erection. “I didn’t think that would be so hot.”
“Thanks, that makes me feel so good. ‘Sure, I wanted to kiss you, but I didn’t think it would be any good.’ You really know how to flatter a guy, Justin.”
“Lance, that wasn’t what I meant. I just… I mean, I’ve kissed girls before and it was nice and all, but that was fucking awesome.” He blushed. “I’ve never gotten that hard from just a kiss before.”
“Please don’t turn gay on me, Timberlake. While the sex would be amazing, your mother would never forgive me.”
“I’m not gonna go gay. But we can definitely do that again.” Justin grinned and Lance dove in for another marathon kiss.
It turned out Justin was eager to please and had no problem lending Lance a helping hand. Lance, of course, reciprocated and was cajoled into a little oral action as well.
“I’ve never done that before,” Justin confided, basking in the afterglow, wrapped in Lance’s arms.
“Well, no shit, straight boy,” Lance retorted.
“No, I meant getting blown.”
“Oh, great.” Lance pushed Justin off of him. “You’re screwed up, you know that? Why’d you let me do that if you never…”
Justin put his hand on Lance’s arm. “I didn’t let you, I begged you. I didn’t want my first time to be weird and awkward, with some stranger who doesn’t know what they’re doing. You’re my best friend, yo. And you suck dick like a pro.”
Lance chuckled. “You don’t know, you have nothing to compare it to. Just don’t come to me the first time you wanna get laid.”
“No problem.” Justin snuggled against Lance and they both went back to sleep.
Chris was released in the morning, “good as new,” he claimed, though Justin caught him wincing during rehearsal. He signaled for a break and led Chris away from the others.
“I’m okay, Curly, geez.” Chris slapped Justin’s hands away from his head. “Just stings a little when the sweat gets under the bandage.”
“All right.” Justin was silent for a moment. He looked over at Chris and enveloped him in a big bear hug. “I missed you so much last night,” he said, choking on tears he somehow held back.
“I know. I missed you guys too.”
“I was so scared. But Lance let me sleep with him.”
“Oh yeah?” Chris looked at Justin questioningly.
Justin ducked his head. “Yeah.” He then quietly recounted his version of the previous night’s event.
“Oh” was all Chris could say before the choreographer called them back to work.
JC and Joey went out that night, and Justin had promised his tutor he’d stay in his room and do homework. Lance was laying on his bed, staring at the TV, when Chris burst through the door.
Lance stood up. “Chris,” he said, as he was backed up against the wall.
“Fucker,” Chris spat at him.
“You’re drunk,” Lance observed.
“And you’re an asshole. Preying on the young and innocent. Where’s your decency, Bass? I thought you were a good Christian.” Chris punctuated his last remark with a jab to Lance’s heart.
Lance tried to swing at Chris, but his hands were held down. “I didn’t… Shit, I’m not so desperate that I need to jump a straight boy. I can get play if I want.”
“But what you really wanted was Justin’s innocence, huh? I ought to…”
“You ought to what? You know that J does what he wants. Baby diva and all. I’m not smooth enough to seduce him.”
“Mmm.” Lance saw he’d made his point. Chris started to back away and Lance shoved him hard. He kicked out his leg as he fell, effectively bringing Lance down with him.
“You bastard!” Lance yelled, as Chris flipped them over and pinned Lance to the floor.
Chris shut up him the best way he knew how: with a kiss. Lance tried to struggle but gave up quickly, opening his mouth to Chris’ invading tongue. It was easily the most vicious, nasty kiss Lance had ever been a party to, and he hated that he was enjoying it so much.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lance said in a low voice.
Chris rolled off of Lance and slumped against the floorboards. “Sorry. Drunk. Happens.” He wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand.
“Does this happen often?”
“Shut up.”
“Is that why you hate me so much? Because I can admit to liking to kiss boys? Because I don’t have to be drunk to do it?”
“I’m not gay, Bass. Shut the fuck up.”
“Yeah, and you’re not jealous of Justin, either.” Lance shook his head. “Fucking pathetic, in-the-closet geezer.”
Chris laid down with his head in Lance’s lap. “Don’t tell anyone, please. It’ll fuck up the group. I’m sorry…” Before he could say what he was sorry for, he passed out.
Lance picked him up and put him on the bed. He thought about going to sleep with Justin, but there would be too much to explain. So he crawled into bed behind Chris, under the covers, a safe barrier between them.
Chris woke up, pretending nothing had happened, but from then on, he was much nicer to Lance, knowing that a grave secret was held between them. For his part, Lance never held this over Chris’ head, but it was there all the same. The only reference he ever made to that night was when he swore he’d never again so much as kiss someone who wasn’t out of the closet. Justin thought he meant him and was briefly crushed, but he was young and got over it quickly.
One night, years later, a couple of months before Chris’ thirtieth birthday, he showed up drunk at Lance’s hotel room door. It was near the end of the Popodyssey tour, the future of the group was up in the air, and they were all tired. Lance let Chris in and he slumped on the sofa.
“You see, the thing is,” he began, then closed his mouth. “Shit, this is hard. I wanna fuck you.”
“Excuse me?” Lance raised an eyebrow.
“Dammit, said them out of order. I’m gay. And I want to fuck you.”
“You hate me. And you’re drunk. You only do this when you’re drunk, so I’m just chalking it up to that. Come on, pass out in my bed and we’ll spend four more years being snarky and ignoring each other.” Lance held his hand out and Chris took it. Instead of getting up, though, he pulled Lance into his lap.
“I’ve fucked twelve guys in my life. Probably less than you, but hey, in the closet, you know? Always drunk, never spent the night or anything.” Chris’ eyes were suddenly clear. “I can’t keep doing this shit. Denying who I am and hating you for being comfortable in your own skin. I’m too damn old. Just let me stay with you, please?” He petted Lance’s hair and licked his chin and jawline. Lance opened his mouth obligingly and sucked Chris’ tongue in.
“Just this once.” Lance moaned as Chris’ hand slipped inside his boxers. A couple of quick jerks, then the next thing Lance knew, he was bent over the bed, being fucked senseless.
Lance woke up to Chris tugging on his dick. “Stop it,” he mumbled.
“I’m sober. And alive. And ready to face the world with gay pride. Roll over here, bitch.” Against his better judgment, Lance did so. Apparently, little Lance was doing the thinking today.
There was more nasty kissing and a bit of lewd thrusting on Chris’ part. Lance pulled back and swatted Chris’ hands away. “Stop it, stop it. Tell me why.”
Chris stared at Lance like he was a total moron, or Joey. “’Cause, dude, you’ve been gay since the dawn of time, so you can aid me on this little trip. And you’re fucking hot, so there’s that. You know me better than I know myself. And Justin says you suck dick like a pro.” He couldn’t hold back a snicker at this comment.
“See if you ever find out,” Lance grumbled, but kissed him anyway. Seems they’d both finally found what they were searching for.