Josh Duhamel Fan Appreciation Page

The Quotable Leo

LEO: I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS -- WELL, I WAS VERY YOUNG. STILL IN SHORT PANTS. YOU'D JUST FINISHED DRESSING DOWN A SHOPKEEPER FOR GIVING YOU THE WRONG CHANGE. AS I RECALL, YOU MADE HER CRY. AND AS WE LEFT THE SHOP, I REMARKED THAT I FELT SORRY FOR THE GIRL, WHICH PROMPTED OUR FIRST MOTHER-SON CHAT.

VANESSA: WHAT PEARLS OF WISDOM DID I IMPART?

LEO: YOU SAID THAT ONCE YOU'VE GOT THE WHIP IN YOUR HAND, DON'T LET IT GO AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE IT.

VANESSA: AND I DON'T REMEMBER EVER SAYING ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

LEO: IT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW, EH, MAMA? RIDING PALMER LIKE A PRIZE JUMPER, WHIP CRACKING, SPURS AT HIS FLANKS, FORCING HIM TO JUMP OVER YOUR HURDLES.

VANESSA: ALL RIGHT, DON'T BE SMART WITH ME, YOUNG MAN. EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR YOUR BENEFIT.

LEO: TURNING THE SCREWS IS YOUR FAVORITE PASTIME.

VANESSA: WHAT DO YOU EXPECT OF ME AFTER MY HUSBAND TRIES TO HAVE ME KILLED? NO, PALMER OWES ME BIG. FOR THE PAIN AND SUFFERING.

LEO: I'M THE ONE WHO WILL SUFFER. I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WORK AS A CORPORATE COG.

VANESSA: HARDLY A COG, DARLING. ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE, YOU WILL BE THE LORD HIGH POOH-BAH, THE C.E.O., THE MAN WHO CRACKS THE --

LEO: CRACKS THE WHIP. SORRY, VANESSA, BUT I HAVE NO DESIRE TO WORK FOR PALMER.

VANESSA: MY DARLING, YOU HAVE NO DESIRE TO WORK, PERIOD. BUT WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT WORK? AS PALMER'S STEPSON, YOU WILL BE ENTITLED TO BE ON THE PAYROLL, A FANCY TITLE, A SECRETARY, PRIVATE SECRETARY WHO RUNS ALL YOUR ERRANDS, NOT TO MENTION A VERY FANCY EXPENSE ACCOUNT SO YOU CAN ENTERTAIN ALL OF YOUR LADIES IN STYLE.

LEO: NOTHING ESCAPES YOU.

VANESSA: WELL, IT'S A MOTHER'S JOB TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

LEO: WELL, NOT EVERYTHING. NOT WHAT'S GOING ON IN STEP PAPA'S ROOM RIGHT NOW.

VANESSA: ...LEO! COME BACK INSIDE, DARLING.

LEO: IF THIS IS A COMMAND GROUP HUG, I'LL PASS.

LEO: THANK YOU, SIR. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE TO BE A YOUNG LION.

LEO: DOES BECCA TYREE WORK HERE?

TIFFANY: UH-HUH.

LEO: IS SHE WORKING TODAY?

TIFFANY: BUT SHE'S BUSY. I'M FREE.VERY.

LEO: WHILE YOU'RE ANY MAN'S DREAM, I REALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE MISS TYREE. AH -- JUST THE WOMAN I WAS LOOKING FOR.

BECCA: OH. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

LEO: WHAT ELSE? I'M DESPERATE FOR A MAKEOVER.

BECCA: WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, BUT ACTUALLY I HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT.
BUT YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME.

LEO: YEAH?

BECCA: YEAH.

LEO: WHERE?

BECCA: CHURCH.

LEO: MORE MAKEOVER THAN I INTENDED.

LEO: HER CASA IS YOUR CASA? NICE DIGS. PROVINCIAL BUT MONEY. I LIKE YOUR FRIENDS ALREADY.

LEO: EASE UP, BECCA. WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A BAD IMPRESSION OF ME? FOR ALL THAT CHURCHGOING, YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ONE OF THE COMMANDMENTS. "THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE."

BECCA: AND WHAT COMMANDMENT WOULD THAT BE, EXACTLY?

LEO: WELL, IF IT'S NOT A COMMANDMENT, I'M SURE IT'S IN THE GOOD BOOK SOMEWHERE. MAYBE YOU CAN SAVE MY SOUL.

LEO: IT'S NOT MY DREAM JOB.

DIXIE: WHAT WOULD YOUR DREAM JOB BE?

LEO: 24-SEVEN DOING NOTHING. WITH GREAT PERKS AND WITH TIME AND A HALF FOR DOWN TIME. TOTAL SLACKER NIRVANA.

GREENLEE: LIFE'S CONFUSING IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE PROGRAM. I WROTE THE PROGRAM.

LEO: I TRANSLATED IT INTO SEVEN LANGUAGES.

LEO: I REALIZE THAT. SO I DID SOME CREATIVE FINANCING. COME HERE FOR A SECOND. I CHARGED EVERYTHING ON MY CORTLANDT E EXPENSE ACCOUNT.

TAD: AHEM. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN PALMER HAS A FIT?

LEO: WHAT HE DOESN'T KNOW WILL KEEP US IN LATTES ALL SEASON.

LEO: NO, NO, NO, NO. (volunteers to help clean up the spilled sauce) LET ME DO IT. GO AHEAD.

BECCA: THANKS.

LEO: I DON'T WANT YOU CUTTING YOURSELF.

BECCA: THANK YOU.

LEO: ALL RIGHT. YOU BET. (Leo beckons to a mall janitor) HEY, YOU THERE, WITH THE MOP AND THE DAY-GLO JUMP SUIT -- WE GOT A CLEANUP OVER HERE.

GREENLEE: GRANDMA, THIS IS LEO DU PRES, VANESSA CORTLANDT'S SON.

MILLICENT: OH, SO VANESSA DOES HAVE ANOTHER CHILD.

LEO: YEAH. I'M THE ONE THEY BREAK OUT SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

BECCA: HI. HOW WAS I?

SCOTT: AMAZING, JUST LIKE YOU.

BECCA: THANKS.

LEO: CHANDLER'S LIKE -- LIKE SO ARTICULATE.

GREENLEE: AH, THIS NIGHT'S GOING TO BE A ROYAL SNORE.

LEO: WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND WITH THE ABS?

LEO: JUST TELLING IT LIKE IT IS. WOMEN CAN'T RESIST ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN I PUT MY MIND TO IT.

LEO: GREENLEE, YOU GAVE ME A CHALLENGE. NOW, BE COOL. BEHAVE AND WE'LL BOTH GET WHAT WE WANT.

LEO: WELL, THE DEVIL HAS CHARMS AND LOVELY PARTING GIFTS. IF I CAPTURE BECCA'S HEART, YOU GET THE LEFTOVERS. JUST TAKE THEM.

BECCA: IS EVERYTHING A JOKE WITH YOU?

LEO: FOR THE MOST PART. BEING SERIOUS CAUSES PREMATURE AGING.

And of course, the one that says it all:
LEO: YOU SEE, THAT'S MY CURSE. I'M FULL OF USELESS KNOWLEDGE, MINDLESS TRIVIA. I'M A STUDY IN GLIB.

SIDarticle222.html The Josh Duhamel Fan Appreciation Page-The Quotable Leo