The Indian Waiters College is now accepting enrolments.

In our dynamic 6 week course you will learn to:

* hover over the table for the entire duration of the meal.
* make minute adjustments to the positioning of the water glass, plate, etc on the table until everything is just so.
* wait until the customer starts eating before launching into the which country?/first time in india?/travelling alone? discussion
* touch the tip of the straw and the 'mouth end' of the cutlery with your manky ol' fingers at every possible opportunity
* hear "one black coffee" as "one milky tea"
* bring the change with the most amount of 5 and 10 rupee notes (great for boosting your tips)
* drop the coins of the change deep into the fennel seeds so the customer can't be arsed digging them out (as above)
* be a cranky old bastard despite being dressed in shorty pyjamas and a little triangle cap

don't delay! places filling fast!

like it's just what i'm after, where do i sign up?

I'd rather have a mind opened with wonder than one closed by belief.
Gerry Spence.

How can they take in new students when the old guys never retire. You forgot that it takes three trips to bring the knife, fork and spoon, each individually brought to the table, not carried by the handle. Three finger on the rim of glass trick.
But give a tip because the guy is getting paid next to nothing. Have a heart. And go to a new trendy place where the waiters are too cool for school.

* Bring to the table, and commence opening, a totally unrequested bottle of mineral water. Learn how to answer the question, "Do I have to pay for this?" in six different ways without saying, "YES."

Homepage - download the unofficial TTISC FAQ: http://kickme.to/toke

* Wipe table with the antique, smelly cloth just fresh from scrubbing the spillage on the floor; before placing the cloth back on shoulder next to Nehru cap.

"Michael Jordan is the Dalai Lama of the NBA.Think Avalokiteshvara!!!"