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Oh my! It's a Grand Opening! (we're thouroghly shocked)
A comment from the ever-creative Captain Obvious has evovled into the creation of Gasp! the Epiphany Squad online store. The name is still being negotiated, as we have not yet determined how to spell the sound of a real gasp. Suggestions: "ooaah!" or "haauuooah!" or something along those lines. Calling it Gasp! however, allows us to commit glorious copyright infringement on the Gap people. Gasp! should be opening soon. All you people out there in Average Everyday Land will be able to purchase goods from the Land of Wej. Sales will be often and ludicrous. You can even purchase hired services from Mischief Services Incorporated! (be forwarned, however: if MSI is contracted for work and is caught meddling in illegal activities, the party responsible will be the person purchasing the mischief, not MSI.)
WejNews, Story 1
Captain Confused reporting
Inflicting the World
As it is the main mission of the Epiphany Squad (and, therefore, the Wej Weekly) to inflict the world with...well, you know, idiocy, A campaign has begun influencing all that can be influenced, including the writers of horrific run-on sentences such as this one. However, the complete description of these inflictions may bring a terrible wave of unshibbyness over the Captains. Therefore, we will be discreet. Be watching about the town for signs of witty moronism. Some have already begun. This is our current, most pressing project! (we've decided to put the "make Chuck Suslowicz wear high heels" project on hold for a while, as we're not really getting anywhere with that.) Besides, this project is a lot more worthwhile. The entire town can benefit, not just people we know. SHIBBY!
*Special Note: This particular journalist thinks she should definetely get the Pulitzer Prize for having the ability to spell "Suslowicz" correctly.
WejNews, story 2
Captain Confused reporting
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