Slander
Status: getting there
main
01. Tasking
02. Extraordinary
03. Criss/Cross
04. make-believe
05. Does anyone speak sign-language?
06. Valentine Cookie
07. Kurasu!
08. Omoide
09. kangae no nagare
10. moete
11. Failure, Dear
12. I hope you bleed
13. the mercy of thin air
01. Tasking
Don't be afraid, I'll not leave
You won't be alone
They say it's only me
Who doubts my words
But most of all, "I love you"
And "forever" are your worries
I've become aquainted with fear
In the absence of your faults
So my screaming, my will to fight
Will melt like cotton candy
But most of all, "I love you"
And "forevermore" are your lies
I've never been afraid before
But now it's my faults that show
They say it's only me
Who doubts my feelings
But most of all, "Believe me"
And "for love" are your concerns
I want to know, why I'll stay
When the words are bitter in me
I've never been afraid before
Because then it was your faults
The things I tossed to you
Were not close to my heart
But most of all, "Believe me"
and "forever" are your worries
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02. Extraordinary
If you were looking for the end, it was a ways back there
Perhaps you overlooked it? Even if you never make mistakes,
We're all bound to miss things once in awhile
This was the best and last,
For that's how you do everything.
If you have to go down, go out with a bang
That's how you always believed, isn't it?
It isn't a lie if you mean to tell the truth later,
And it's okay if there's some truth to what you say
We're all bound to say things once in awhile
This was the worst and the last
For that's how you do everything
If you have to do it, let them know
This is never what you wanted, is it?
If you were looking for the door, it's over there somewhere
But perhaps you missed it? Even if you meant to leave artfully,
Anger can cloud our sights once in awhile
Instead of looking grand,
You look small and meaningless
Blame it on whomever you want,
No one else is going anywhere.
It isn't okay if you mean to lie about it later,
And it's still wrong if you ask before you betray someone
We're all bound to find out things once in awhile
This was the best but it'll be the last
Because that's how things are done here
If you have to do that, do it without me
That's how I always believed, isn't it?
If you were looking for your excuse, it was a ways back there
Perhaps you forgot it? Even if you never make mistakes,
We're all bound to find out things once in awhile
Instead of looking grand, you look small and meaningless
Blame it on whomever you want, no one else is doing it.
Did you forget the things you said once in awhile?
This was the worst and the last
For that's how you do everything
If you said one thing, you contradicted another
You've always wanted more, haven't you?
If you were looking for something more, you shouldn't have stopped
Perhaps you became lazy? You think you're perfect but
We're all bound to get tired of it once in awhile
Blame it on whomever you want, no one else did what you did
You've become hurtful in your laziness and just so you know,
Only so much pain is ignored before it's dealt with
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03. Criss/Cross
It's criss-cross, across my heart
Rejection
Frustration
Criss, cross, closing the gap
It'd be so nice to run away,
But there's no where else to go
I've seen things so different,
There's so much more than here
But the landslides closing in
I have no money for this,
My freedom... "Takai desu ne."
The feelings running through my mind,
Crissing and crossing, confusing and costing
If I can't reach that, then I'll have this.
To lessen the scars ever present from the heart.
I'm this kid that has a habit
Of dreaming my days all away
I've dreamed of things so different
I'm a hero, don't you know?
Deep inside of me I've got
All the money I could need
For freedom... "Takai desu ne."
The colors from today run behind my eyes,
Crissing and crossing, confusing and calling
I simply can't catch them all, so I'll have this.
The matching scars should fade from the heart soon.
I criss-cross, across my heart
Hopeing
Loveing
Criss, cross, fix the gap.
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04. make-believe
Gone a long, long way
Without saying goodbye
To yesterday
There's not much to say,
But you'll say it anyway
"Been a long, long ways,
Didn't diserve this play."
The mountains that were built,
And climbed are still standing
For everyone else to watch close
"Didn't deserve to see this."
They scoff and say,
"Coulda done it with my eyes closed"
Tell me what the universe knows,
About going a long, long way.
Gone a long, long way
Without saying goodbye
To yesterday
There's so much to say,
But no one'll say it anyway
"Been a long, long time,
What's going down today?"
The mountains that were started,
And left alone are still waiting
For everyone else to look closer
"Didn't deserve to see this."
They stop and say,
"Coulda done that if I wanted"
Tell me what they know,
If they're still standing.
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05. Does anyone speak sign-language?
It's like I wear a sign around my neck,
And stand on the side of the road
In a big city: "Homeless; anything helps."
Everyone sees but looks away to pretend.
If I wasn't so concerned with you,
I'd write it in fusia on the school walls.
First impressions only last because
No one takes time to look deeper.
I used to cling to hope that everyone really meant it
When they said "How are you?" and "Good! Thank you."
If I'm ungrateful and self-centered,
Go ahead and tell me, I won't deny it.
I know there's different ways to see me,
I'm aware that there's room for improvement.
Tell me what I should love, what I should hate
I'll tell you what you should do with yourself.
You have this first impression of me that lasts,
But only because you've never taken time to look.
If I had more courage inside I'd follow through selfishly,
I'd paint these damn walls with "tasukete" and "please."
I wear a big sign around my neck,
And stand on the sidelines every day
In a big world: "Stuck; anything helps."
Everyone sees but looks away ashamed of me
If I could trust you, I'd write it in english
So the whole world would understand what I need.
If I could trust you, I wouldn't have to write at all.
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06. Valentine Cookie
She bought you a cookie heart on Valentine's day,
And left it for you on the kitchen table.
You walked in and stomped around and yelled at her,
Shoved the cookie across the table and scoffed,
Then left her all alone downstairs.
"I'm not breaking the law,"
But you're breaking her heart
And shoving it across the table
Like it doesn't matter at all,
Leaving her alone in the kitchen.
Even if she doesn't mean "I love you," she tries.
She wants to love and she wants to be loved in return.
If you were a kind person there'd be nothing wrong here,
But the cookie crumbled on the floor brings along tears,
All she was trying to do was make you smile today.
"I'm not breaking the law."
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06. Kurasu! (Live!)
Letters from the heart
Are overrated
Stand here and speak these words
To me
Don't be a coward
Though everything that says I'm alive
Lies between my breasts
Dreams are what make me
Do these crazy things
You may be alive
But you've stopped living
Calm, rational, emtional detatchment
Is overrated
Don't tell me what I do and don't deserve
Coward
Stand up and say it to me
I used to be like you
But I know better now
I tried to tell you once
But I guess it's different
I've just started to live
And you've just finished
Doesn't anything make your heart beat fast anymore?
Stop playing the victim; Don't just stand there
Grow. That's why life happens
And if it hurts a little, well
Don't be a coward
Do something crazy
Until you smile again
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08. Omoide (Memories)
The memories should be enough
But I want good times to last forever
When I reach out and touch you
It's because I want to feel that reassurance
Those far, far away memories
Fade with the distance we build
I collect sadness while I sit beside you
I no longer know if being here's enough
At night, where we pretend there's other places to be
I want to tell you I don't really like being alone
The blue in that far, far away sky
Fades behind the gray we paint on
I run my fingers through the sadness in you
And I no longer know if I'm enough
When I reach out and touch you
I want to know you still feel the same
Though memories should be enough
I want your smile to come back to me
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09. kangae no nagare (train of thought)
The empty station
Sells tickets
Becomes so full
Of meaningless faces
Smiles, fears, without meaning
Loading and leaving again
Who is present every day?
No, just the ticket seller
Watching them come and go
The train leaves
Taking laughter
And comes back
With someone else's
More troubles
In and out
There's no real rest between
Unloading and leaving
Crying and waiting
Just wanting to get away
Buying a ticket so far away
But they can never leave this world
They come and go
This station is barren; alone
With sighs passing by
No real meaning
So much out there
Rush to do it
"Take me there"
But pause
And close those eyes
Just for a moment
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10. moete (fire)
I called today
Like everyday lately
My mind echoes with these prayers
That go nowhere just back and forth
Till the waves fade no answer
I'm lonely
Sometimes
Playing games
I'm tired
Can I find somewhere new?
Is there even an end to this?
Just how do I win?
Fire keeps burning
Something has to fuel it
I'm losing pieces of self-control
I haven't figured out my reasons yet
I keep pushing to do "good things"
Overwhelmed with all I've got left
I'm not making progress, am I?
Just burning up inside
Losing myself
How do I get out of here?
Do I just keep calling
till someone answers?
Who's listening?
It feels like God's just watching the fire grow
In his lawn chair, wine glass in hand
All we need are marshmellows
But who's got the water
When it gets out of control?
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11. Failure, Dear
Too much to care for
Is it bad if everyone else cares more?
Nothing kills the "passion" faster
Than failure, dear
"Keep on carin, keep on tryin"
Keep on lovin something you never
Loved in the first place
Do whatcha want, take whatcha need
But this is dissapointing, dear
I'm glad you're excited about what I had
It's good someone was
If this is so good
Why don't you come do it yourself?
"I'll stand by you, no matter what
But I wish you'd change your
mind this time"
"I just want what's best for you"
Tell me how you know what that is
You said this was good but
This is... dissapointing, dear.
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12. I hope you bleed
I skip moon rocks
Across air filled craters
Open my eyes
Look at your moving mouth
And wonder
Who has the right to make you bleed?
I watch the trees play with the wind
Shuffle my feet in the dirt
You look at me for a moment
"You always have that far-off look in your eyes"
Oh, I'm listening
But you have the right to judge me.
I stare at the pattern covering your shoulders
Blink when it feels necessary
To prove I'm still here
Keep the sigh inside
For my mind to know only
I have no right to give you that
But someday
The right will no longer matter
Someone will make a move
Will you be waiting?
Who can earn the right to make you bleed?
Though you look at me
And find me lacking
You only see that far-off version
Hold onto failure to see the white
Just wonder
Why do you have the right to judge me?
That pattern on your shoulder
Varys little from the one of mine
One day you'll understand
Or you'll forget
But I won't
I have no right to forget you
Yet.
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13. the mercy of thin air
Tell me why
sad things come to pass.
I watch you live without me
And the feeling has never hurt so much before.
I've never watched a man's heart break.
I trace my fingers over surfaces
of things I can't feel
But wish I could so bad
it hurts
The knowledge that my touch
could kill you
is what keeps me away.
Why? Why do these sad things
stay with you?
Why must I see the scattered pieces
of your heart in your eyes?
It was me, I know
I thought I had all the time in the world.
Surely I'd be coming to see you again.
Instead, I watch your shattered soul
Trapped inside your body
While my grief overwhelms my own
Trapped; at the mercy of thin air
And there's nothing I can do for you.
I only want to be with you
But time is gone for me,
A prison for you.
My voice you cannot hear,
My soul you do not see here
Your touch I will not feel again.
If I still had a beating heart,
Surely it would shatter into millions
and millions of pieces
So many I could never
make it whole again.
Oh why do these sad things
come to pass?
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