Some Common Alasdairisms This is what it's like to live with Alasdair. You'll experience all the stereotypical student traits when it comes to food, cleanliness, laziness, hygiene..... Well, you're only a student once.

Noodles for Brains (And Dinner, Again) After consulting his cupboard, Alastair settles on a Pot Noodle for tea. A grim prospect at best, it must be said. The culinary delight was shortly conjured up and half eaten. The remaining half-Pot Noodle was placed on the table. However, this wasn't going to be was left to congeal in the usual manner. No no, the next evening, in the greatest display of human desperation ever seen, Alastair proceeded to microwave and then eat the same Pot Noodle!

Laundry Day Why bother washing clothes when you can douse them in Fabreeze? Well, it smells of shit for a start. Or cheese, but that may have been there in the first place.

Dishes The World Authority on Washing Dishes has announced that the new standard for testing the need to wash cutlery is: by smelling it. What a genius.

More Noodle Related Mayhem Alastair managed to melt the lap of his trousers after eating out of a pan he'd just used to cook with.

Door/Attention Seeking Complex Doors must be thrown open at all times in the most dramatic way possible.

Nakedness Alastair's tits. My God. Totally unnecessary.

Ladies He dumped his girlfriend the day after Valentine's Day to go out with the girl he was cheating on her with. Bit of a bastard.

Hair Its ginger. And he likes boats. And he does not drink beer.

Mould Don't think, though, that Alasdair is a mindless, senseless cockbite. He had the wisdom to remove the mouldy bits from his bolognese before cooking it. Unfortunately, he missed a few bits and enjoyed a spate of food poisoning. Not that we laughed at him or anything.