Buffy vs. Dracula :

Right, except for the whole tall, dark, and handsome thing... yucko.

Oh, we hung out a few times. Back in my demon days. You know, once or twice. He's pretty cool. You know, from a whole evil-thing perspective.

I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like 700 or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?

It's whites day, remember? The bleach smell makes me nauseous.

How come I have to be here Slayer-sitting, while the other guys get to look for Dracula?



Real Me :

Crap! Look at this--now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage.

Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?

A Slayer's house should have more weapons lying around.



The Replacement :

When do we get a car?
And a boat. No, wait, I don't mean a boat. I mean a puppy. Or a child. I have a list somewhere.

I'm dying. I may have as few as 50 years left.

And you can't promise you'll be with me when I'm wrinkly, and my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive.

Maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and we can all have sex together, and then, you know, just slap them back together in the morning.

It's not like it'd be cheating. They're both Xander.

I liked it the other way. Put him back.



Out Of My Mind :

Who put the monkey head near the Styx water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?



No Place Like Home :

I'm nearly out of money. I've never had to afford things before and it's making me bitter.

But I have their money. Who cares what kind of day they have?

You're out of crystal balls. Those babies are really popular with the amateurs. Better restock and raise the price 10%. Make it 15%.



Family :

But we just helped her move the stuff in a few days ago. (turns, sees Buffy) And it was fun!

We have to bring presents, right? Birth is a present thing?

Thank you for coming. We value your patronage. Please come again for more purchases!

I'm just so excited. They come in, I help them, they give us money in exchange for goods, you give me money for working for you. I have a place in the world now. I'm part of the system. I'm a workin' gal.

What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil, and some have been considered to be useful members of society.



Shadow :

I mean, I for one didn't want to start my day with a slaughter. Which really just goes to show how much I've grown!

Just do what I do: flip through the pages and look busy.

Hey. Hey! HEY! HEY!!
You sold someone a Khul's amulet and a Sobekian blood stone.
Are you stupid or something?



Listening To Fear :

Yes, 'cause it seems like we're always dealing with creatures from outer space... except that we don't ever do that.



Into the Woods :

That's disturbing. You're emotionally scarred and will end up badly.

I don't think the bar would serve her. But we can bring something in. Strawberry schnapps taste just like real ice-cream.

We have to see the chimp playing hockey. That's hilarious. The ice is so slippery, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this!

Oh, that's very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon. I can just hear you in private: 'I dislike that Anya. She's newly human and strangely literal.'

If it wasn't for me, Giles would be a terrified old man, staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.

I'm sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.

You know, fine. Take her side instead of mine, even though I'm the one who sleeps with you, and feeds you, and bathes you.

Have a nice day. Don't get killed.

I mean, who hasn't done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust, and he set his whole village on fire.



Triangle :

Xander, if you ever decide to go, I want a warning. You know, big flashing red lights and one of those clocks that counts down like a bomb in a movie? And there's a whole bunch of colored wires and I'm not sure which is the right one to cut, but I guess the green one and then at the last second, no, the red one, and then click, it stops with three-tenths of a second left, but then you don't leave. Like that, okay?

Humans make the same mistakes over and over. I saw it when I was a vengeance demon. Some guy dumps a girl, she calls me, I exact vengeance, blah, blah, blah. The next year, same girl, different guy. I mean, after you smite a few of 'em, you start going, my goodness, young lady, maybe you're doing something wrong here too.

I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom! I can completely lie to the health inspector. I can, you know, distract him with coy smiles and bribe him with money and goods.

Sometimes I miss having powers... Oh. Oh! I know what this is! This is peer pressure! Any second now you're gonna make me smoke tobacco and have drugs.

The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god!

Xander, she's pretending to be me!

Well, I don't know how to put the top up. I only just figured out what the left pedal does. It makes us stop!

Rules are stupid.

It's possible that he's in the land of perpetual Wednesday, or the crazy melty land, or, you know, the world without shrimp.



Checkpoint :

Kill the CURRENT demons, right? CURRENT demons.

They don't sound very ex-demon compatible.

Customers! Please, bring your money back.

Council? You're the Council? Welcome to our store. We're closed now. I'll be in the back.

Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins, 20 years old, born on the 4th of July, and don't think there weren't jokes about that my whole life, Mister, 'cause there were. "Who's our little patriot?" they'd say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.

Just enthusiasm for killing the demons. Go deadness for the demons!



Blood Ties :

Xander needs help with his thing!

This is extremely suspenseful. I want the presents!

Oh, it's just so lovely! Oh, I wish it was mine! Oh, like you weren't all thinking the same thing.



I Was Made to Love You :

Oh, well at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, 'Whoa, I'm 1100 years old.' I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.

I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.

She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.



The Body :

No, I mean, it's a myth that it's a myth. There is a Santa Claus.
Mm-hmm. Been around since, like, the 1500s. But he wasn't always called Santa. But with, you know, Christmas night, flying reindeer, coming down the chimney -- all true.

I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's... there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid. And Xander's crying and not talking. And I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever. And she'll never have eggs or yawn or brush her hair. Not ever. And no one will explain to me why.

Xander decided that he blames the wall.

I wish that Joyce didn't die. Because she was nice. And now we all hurt.



Forever :

Well, I just think understand sex now. It's not just about two bodies smooshing together. It's about life. It's about making life.

Ring up sales? With the money? She gets to fondle the money? Customer! Hello, customer! How may I serve you?



Intervention :

I was there. It really wasn't that bad. See if you were really a witch you'd do a spell to escape. So really it was only bad for the falsely accused, and, well, they never have a good time.

Oh, you know, Slayer-Watcher stuff. Probably some silly ritual with an enchanted prarie dog or something.

Uck! It looks very complicated in there. Personally, I'd rather look at guts.



Tough Love :

Yes! I've recently come to realize that there is more to me than just being human. I'm also an American.

Oh! And you know what else is un-American? French people!

You can sleep with me! Well now that came out a lot more lesbian than it sounded in my head.



Spiral :

We should drop a piano on her. Well, it always works for that creepy cartoon rabbit when he's running from that nice man with the speech impediment.

Run away? ... Finally, a sensible plan!

Overwhelming? How much more than 'whelming' would that be, exactly?

Oooh, snacks! The secret to any successful migration. (pulls frying pan and Spam from her bag) Who's up for some tasty fried meat products?

You have another plan, right? One that doesn't involve pointy knives and a Winnebago?



The Gift :

Willow! I'll bet you've got some dark spell abrewin'. Make her a toad? Little hoppy toad? Hit it with a hammer?

Here to help! Wanna live!

God! Who would put something like that there! Is this supposed to be some sort of sick joke? As if things aren't bad enough!... This is an omen.

No, no, no, it's an omen. It's a higher power telling me through bunnies that we're all gonna die!

No, you see usually when there's an apocalypse I skedaddle, but now I love you so much that I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a god.

Viidennen kauden sitaateista suurensuuri kiitos Titalle Shpedoinkle!een.