Answering Machine




  • Do the message,do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. *Hustle immitation*(From the Simpsons.)
  • Hi. *Pause long enough for them to begin speaking* We're not home presently, but you can leave a message after the tone.
  • This is the _______ residence, you know the drill.
  • Gone saving the earth, I'll be back before supper.
  • You're too late, my birthday was yesterday and you forgot to call
  • Unless you have a check with the words "Prize patrol" for me don't bother leaving a message.
  • I've gone to commit suicide, maybe I'll be back, maybe I won't.
  • This message is subliminally telling you that you've been kidnapped by aliens. If you start to believe it, you've been calling here to often.
  • I want chicken, I want liver, I want meow mix, please deliver. Meow, Meow, Meow. Leave a message.
  • Once there was a bunny named Bobo. He lived in the happy 100 Acre Wood. But Bobo was not a happy bunny. Bobo wanted to be something verrrrrrry special, but for some odd reason, his Mama wouldn't let him. Bobo couldn't understand why she was being so unreasonable. Day after day he would argue, "Mama, why can't I be a pimp?"...Keep expanding until no sane person would still be listening. You can flavor it up a little if you want.
  • If you know what number 43 down, the English translation on Bjork is, leave it with your message.
  • If you're calling from prison, you picked the wrong person to call, 'cause I'm not home.
  • If you're cathisophobic*, just sit and wait for the beep.
  • If this is Harry, I'm really not home, if this is anyone else I probably am. Blast you Harry!
  • If you're calling about my children being in trouble press 1 and hang up. If you're calling about my increasing debt press 2 and hang up. If you're calling because I won money, leave the check under my doormat. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn't leave a message anyway, I never check the machine.
  • The ideal thing would be not to leave a message. 'CAUSE I RAN OUT OF MEDICATION! help me. help me pleeeaase.
  • If you're a press 1. Over and over.
    *Cathisophobia is the fear of sitting down.