Scary Spice

The essence of this method is fear. Make your victims fear you in more ways than one. You must be aggressive, in-your-face, unabashed and vicious. Here are a few starter tips:
 

• Spread rumours about the offending boy: "It's not big enough to hang a sock off", "... And then he said, 'It is up!'", "And so when I asked for some foreplay, he said it was too late to play golf" or "And when I caught him with those pictures of George Michael naked, I just went nuts"
• Go ultra-gothic. Or swap personalities a lot (Monday - Scottish, Tuesday - Witch, Wednesday - Wrestler, Thursday - Amish, Friday - Punk rocker)
• Take up sumo wrestling or bowie knife fighting. Invite him along to help the relationship along.
• Drive cars at at least 20 km/h over the limit, don't bother to slow down to corner and forget headlights at night. Go off road whenever you feel like it. Ask him if he's seen Speed.
• Roar like a tiger whenever you feel like it.
• Bitch fight with whoever you can. (Watch Melrose and other soapies for inspiration)
• Carry a knife between your cleavage. Or a gun or hand grenade. (or a bear trap... hehehe booby trap... Sorry)
• Yell a lot.
• Yell "Girl Power" a lot. Make it look like it means something tough and imminent.
• Refer to Lorena Bobbit a lot.
• Always ask if it's in.
• Ask if he's done yet... You've got some laundry to do before the morning.

Sexy Spice

Also known as the Marilyn Monroe style (NO not Manson... Monroe!). With this technique you shall utilise your... ahem... assets to break it off. Most men like to have enormous amounts of sex (and believe they could perform and last that long quite easily (which is contary to reality)), so the first method employed here might not work. It is to over-sex him and to make him believe that the whole relationship is a sex thing, doesn't have any deeper feelings in it and is therefore a relationship of convenience and pleasure (yeah, try convincing a guy to think that). The second method is to be the sexiest damn you possible. This involves chatting up every guy you see, speak in one of those breathless movie voices (i.e. Monroe) or flaunt whatever you've got to the extreme max (note: This may be hard if you're some amoebic wallflower girl with not a hint of perfection on you... Anyway... If you were, you shouldn't be reading this! Bad girl! No twinkie!). It might be hard for an intelligent, self-conscious girl, but you have to convince yourself that sex is the be-all and end-all. Try to set records for how many times you can score in one night (but remember, if it's not on, it's not on). Alcohol is just an excuse to lop a couple of melons out. Taken realistically (*snigger*), your breasts are just skin and fat, much like what your arm would be if it had no bones and didn't dangle everywhere. You show your arms off to everyone, so why not your breasts.

This method is probably the most tricky to choose and perform. It might be really fun doing it (and confusing the bananas out of your boyfriend), but the lasting effects are not too good. Being recognised as a "Sally Sleeparound" probably won't do much good for your resumé (nor for much else in your life, like friends and family). Deciding to "let it all poke out" probably give you a bad reputation and possibly a criminal record, but there is a serious future job prospect as a professional sports streaker.

Posh Spice

Otherwise known as the "I don't really give a stuff about you, so push off!" method, the Posh Spice technique is designed for you to elevate yourself above everyone else, thus leaving any desperate and dateless losers behind. You know you are perfection in a very tangible form. You know most guys are only looking for sex, and are utter losers anyway. I mean, they get their "thing" and all they want to do is play with it. Simple minds. Your mission is to prove to the world that only the most elite of elite guys (ones with washboard stomachs that can crack safes and the rest of their bodies you could just melt on...) can go out with you. You are the mighty Venus, the power pussy, the Lorena Bobbit. You are here and you mean business. A guy has to be perfect in every way (make sure he washes between his toes) to even be able to grab your attention. Ignore all other futile attempts by the orangutans that pester you for your divine attention. They may call you a stuck-up bitch, but who cares. It not like they could be worth listening to, let alone dating...

Baby Spice

Naïvety is the name of the game. You must frustrate and pester your boyfriend or boyfriends-wanting-to-be. To do this, you must first learn a few phrases:

• "What's a sex?"
• "Wanna wowwypop?"
• "Aren't you just a cutesy, wutesy wittle bubby-wubby..."
• "There's a new Disney movie coming out, and I wanna go and see every second of it!"
• "I could just grab you and hug you all night" (the H word is like a javelin through the guts... Very annoying)

If you don't get your way, make sure you put on a sooky, so cute-you-just-wanna-puke disappointed look on your face. Throw tantrums if things get out of hand. Carry around a blanket or teddy if you feel it helps. Sex must be totally foreign. If they are really urging for it, just laugh it away (especially if they're naked) and go along with the "it's naughty and you're being so silly" joke. In no time at all, you will be playing Barbie all by yourself, and thus free from the terrible burden of man.

Sporty Spice

This is similiar to a battle of attrition. Wear the bugger out. Always go for a jog, or a hike. Be constantly moving. If the guy decides to be a smart-ass and says that sex is exercise, tell him that he's acting delusional due to his glycogen deficiency. Eat lentil burgers and weird stuff like that. Refuse to go out on a date that involves excess of any unhealthy product (i.e. popcorn (movies), alcohol (parties), pizza (anywhere else)). If you keep this up for a month or so, you will not only wear the boy out, but will frustrate his attempts of making it seem okay to ask you out. So obviously, the Sporty Spice method is very effective (and gets you in shape at the same time! Wow!). However, make sure you consume enough sugar to supply your energy needs in a day