What to Wear
One of the more important parts of attracting the fairer sex is looks. Sure, you might not have watermelon biceps or maybe enough "hardware" to poke an eye out, but you could still at least lure them in with your unmistakable charm (yes we will develop that later). Here is a short list of the Do's and Don'ts of attire:

• DO leave those Star Trek, Dr Who and AD&D Gen CON shirts at home.
• DON'T wear your thick-rimmed glasses.
• DO wear clothes with labels that have nothing to do with sci-fi, maths or chess.
• DO clean off all the lines of snot you have wiped on your shirt sleeve.
• DON'T think that just because you have a Bulls cap on, you are automatically cool.
• DON'T wear your shirt with the "F#$* me if you've got nice hooters" message on it.
• DO actually wash your hair with shampoo, thoroughly. This includes your dandruff.
• DO try to get rid of the zits with recommended pharmaceuticals.
• DON'T wear a tie to a disco or mosh.
• DO make sure your nasal spray is well hidden, or made to look like something else (you know what I'm talking about).
• DON'T, under any circumstances, forget to hide your horrendous breath with mint fresheners.
• DO hide your bulging gut.
• DON'T wear your hat with the spinning thing.
• We all know its funny, but DON'T wear your water-spraying fake flower.
• DON'T let your jocks creep up over your pants line.
• DON'T look at Elton John for fashion advice.

If you have any friends (or even if you don't), see what they are wearing and try to dress similiar. However, apply some commonsense to your selection, as Sepultura shirts tend to have some sort of cultural attachment, so unless you're a good actor, don't try it. Also make sure you aren't copying other losers in their garb, you may end up doing yourself more harm than good.

Attitude
Attitude is of the prime importance. It is here where you learn the ancient art of pretending to be someone you aren't in order to get closer to the "booty". Most of those who are already well-versed in the ways of love are proficient in the skill of "trust weaving", otherwise known as white lies. Most girls wouldn't care less if you can do contour integrals in your head, but they are interested in a sense of humour or sports prowess.

Humour is hard to get overnight. Trawl the Net for a lot of jokes, memorise them and watch a lot of Seinfeld. Perfect your delivery of jokes and suppression to snort and you are well on your way to becoming somewhat funny. Remember, Star Trek is very much a taboo in anything in dating, so Spock jokes and "Why did the Klingon cross the street?" ones are on the outer. Also, profoundly sick or scientific jokes don't pull chicks. Neither do ones that actually require you to be there. ALWAYS REMEMBER THE PUNCHLINE!!! If you forget the punchline, you will most likely be kicking your own ass out the door in shame.

Sporting prowess is an excellent way to attract females. Nothing gets them more stimulated than the idea of a hot, sweaty guy, beefing up in his readiness to protect the girl. So at least pretend you are a good sportsman. Badminton, chess, lacrosse and syncronised swimming are not sports. Despite their definitions, they will not attract anyone. Better yet, if you can't do any sports, try to find one that you could possibly look you're in, especially one that is impossible to demonstrate. Use martial arts and refuse to show off because it is against your code. Or if you are somewhat good at flim-flamming, talk about your exploits about reaching the interstate championships and being possibly selected for the Olympic team one day, but never actually indicate which sport it is in. If they ask, give them an incredulous look and say, "All this time I was telling you and I thought you were listening" and look really hurt. Looking really hurt is the next important step in attitude.

It was once claimed that women look for "sensitive cavemen". Having somewhat satisfying the sporting prowess criteria (the beefy caveman), you must know how to be sensitive. This includes crying sometimes (not when the guys are around, of course) and sometimes just spending time with a girl to "talk". This makes you seem sensitive and if you make sure that it seems that you have a caring, nurturing outlook (SNAG-ish if you will), but don't step into the realm of "sissy", girls will see you in a nicer light than ever before. Those seeking an explanation into the women's desire for sensitive men comes from the research that shows that women want men to be more like women, as previous centuries of social burden has forced men to act like tough automatons. So simply, having the impression of being sensitive helps put you into the "really nice guy" category, and love should soon blossom.

But for those who cannot judge what is sensitive or part of the right attitude towards women, here is another list of Do's and Don'ts for you:

• DO think that a girl might actually like you one day.
• DON'T ever stalk women, steal their underwear off their washing line or leave freaky messages on their answering machine.
• DON'T find inspiration in such idols as Bill Clinton or the song, Smack My Bitch Up
• DO kick that awful haggis addiction.
• DO refer to girls as their first name. Never Miss, Bitch, Sir or Officer.
• DO remember that babe female teacher's don't look for zit-faced guys in high-school for sex. (Alternative) DON'T try to come onto teachers.
• DON'T urge girls to join your Jihad.
• DON'T pretend you have the biggest tool in the shop. 99 times out of 100, its probably not even close.
• DO have some self-esteem. (Sub-note, however if used sparingly, can urge girls to pity you and shower you with affection. This however doesn't lead to very good relationships.)
• DON'T wonder if the babe of the grade finds you attractive. Never ask her or anyone else if they do.
• DO actually try to go from, acquantance, friend, good friend, lover. DON'T even think about starting at the end.
• DON'T mention anything concerning Sci-Fi conventions that might be funny.
• DON'T think that a joke is funny to everyone.
• DON'T start fights with girls. Especially fist-fights. You are on the wrong track otherwise.
• DO remember the WWWW.
• DO leave your school books, the Lord of the Rings and all your AD&D rule books at home when going out.
• DO like good, modern bands. Symphony orchestras aren't good, modern bands. Also, DON'T assume anything from the hype. You will be stabbed at least twice if you wear a Hanson T-shirt, and you will be seen with distrust if you are a Spice Girls merchandise vehicle (unless you happen to have a shirt with *those* pictures of Geri Halliwell).
• DON'T believe even for a second that "bite me" is a funny catchphrase bound to lure women.
• DON'T rely on toilet humour.
• DON'T contract any diseases. Also DON'T talk about them at length and in great biological detail.
• DO learn to dance to an acceptable standard.
• DON'T think that because a girl smiled at you means that you can touch her breasts.
• DO pretend to not have sex on your mind all the time.
• DON'T mimic Hercules, Iolaus, Xena or Gabrielle.
• DON'T accept that it is "Hip to Be Square".
• DON'T attempt something impressive if you don't have the foggiest of how its done (like breakdancing, surfing or The Missionary Position).
• DO try to stop your eyes from "wandering". It might seem minor, but girls can actually see you stare at their breasts when you talk.
• DON'T pinch butts of girls you don't know.
• DON'T assume that first dates are quick to the sex stage.
• DO live apart from your parents when you can.
• DON'T forget which girl owns which name. And when you get deeper, DON'T forget which girl is yours.
• DO think a girl's jokes are funny. DON'T go overboard on the laugh.

Conclusion
When you follow the rules set out above, you will be well on your way to the first date. Now this won't ensure a first-time all-time love, or even something that will last longer than the previews of the movie you are watching, but it will be a start. Beats the hell out of being alone.