The Diary of the High Priestess Shikon



I have chosen to record some of my most important thoughts here for everyone to read because I am beginning to see that the world I live in does not truly know me. I suffer great pains and I am much smarter and calmer than I appear to be. So now the world will be able to get to know me. I hope you enjoy reading my thoughts and following me through the years.


June 17, 2003/2:26am Tuesday

I have come to find I truly am alone in this world. No one knows me and I feel as though I hardly know myself. That is why I chose the name Shikon. It means four souls and I have four beings within me. My heart, my mind, my body,and my soul. Each of them different each of them speak to me for I am the soul. I am a pained soul at that for I have come to discover things that have hurt me deep within. I have learned that I am not aloud to love. I may love the world, it's people, and everything in the universe especially God and the gods, yet I can never love one individual. Not with my soul anyway. You all may say then why not love with your heart? well at first yes, you do love with your heart, but then you begin to love even more and the person whom you are loving becomes part of you soul. I have come to love someone with my souls and yet I have never met or seen him. I sense his presence all the time and I know he is alive but I know not where he is or why he does not call to me as I call to him. My soul yurns for this man and screams for him to come and he never does. I am alone. I always will be. That is what I feel. I feel that there is no one else like me and never will be. What cruel fate is this that has been besolted apon me and what have I done to deserve it? Life is full of many question and I have a very short time to answer them. Fate bears a cruel hand in my heart. I wish only to be a free spirit. Free of pain. But now I have come to find that that is not what is ment for me.






.June 18, 2003/9:12pm Wednesday


So now as you can tell I am in a much better mood tonight. I'm a little angry though because not only is it raining AGAIN! but I also have to rescedule my midsummer's celebration. I've been working al night pretty much on my costume and I find myself in a better mood than earlier today. I'm still updating my site so keep checking it out. I also have to mention to everyone that fortune cookies really do tell the truth. I just got one a few weeks ago that told me I would met up with an old friend and that it would bring me peace of mind. Well, I just did and I'm super happy about it.:) Well that's it. Night.




June 20, 2003/10:06pm Thursday


Yum! Green tea! I haven't had green tea in a long time. *Yawns* Well tommorrow is midsummer's and I am praying that we do not have rain! I have to say I have pretty much worked my self to death preparing for middsummer's solstic and I am still not done. I have decided that the one person I really want to meet in my life is the Dahli Lama(I think that is how it is spelled) anyway I think he is a really wise man and he had better not die before I meet him because I'll die before I get a change to met another! Grrr... 34 is really quite a young age for someone to die at I think I want to live a little longer. Damn that man named Ilan my fromer love(well I still love him) who killed me and is going to kill me again. I know I did something in a past life to piss him off but I am just now beginning to remember that it was my fault for his anger. Hmmm well I'll figure it out eventually. I have also decided to start a quotes page of some of the quotes out there in which I have found to give me peace. I hope they do the same for all of you! I am also beginning to fell the presence of that man I told you about before the one who's heart is linked to mine. I am beginning to feel that he may be Ilan who's true loving form is trapped inside a hollow core of hatred and anger. I pray that this is not my doing. I hav loved this man a hundred times through out history and even though it has cost me my life each time, I am willing to try and save him this time for it seems my love alone will not do it. The only problem is how? Perhaps if I pretend not to love him he will not be enraged by the memory of my betrayal(which happened 9,000 years ago I might add). Oh well. At least I know now that it is my fault for his anger and he is not just some deranged lunitic who likes to follow me around, win my heart and then kill me in everylife time. His pain is my fault and for that my soul suffers because I truly know how it feels to love someone and then have them betray you. My soul is tormented by it and I fear that I will never be free. Well I'll stop boring you. Good bye for now.




June 22, 2003/2:49pm Sunday

Well it's the day after midsummer's and my body is so weak I can hardly move. Not only did it rain on midsummer's, but I also lost the cross that goes on my rosary. Now, not only have I carried that cross around for two years and have never let it out of my sight once in all that time, but it has also kept me alive for this body is not mine and it would have shut down by now without it. This is why I am so weak. Last night I suffered through terrible pains all through my body and I was seeing to worlds at once, the afterlife in one eye and this world in the other. I was figuring that I was going to die so I went to sleep expecting to be well on my way to another body or in Heaven. But as you can see I'm still alive and this surprised me. I believe the reason behind this is that I did not loss all of the rosary and I have other items around my neck that are for my four guardians. They helped center me and kept me from falling out of my body. But enough of that there are more important matters I need to address. For starters humans are become to unconcerned, stupid, and lacking in faith. Last night while my friends were here, I had lost my rosary. I specifically warned them that my life force would soon begin to perish and I felt they neither believed me nor cared this was later shown to be true when I fell to the ground more than twice feeling the life being pulled from my body and seeing the spirits of death moving toward me and my guardian angel, two gods, and my guardian spirit fighting them off. No one even noticed and when they did they though I was acting they thought it was funny. Well my friends if you are reading this I am no lie. I'm sorry if your weak minds and hearts have been told the things I see aren't real by christian who find it easy to control those whos hope has been suched from them so easily. If it can not be removed they have that person killed and I am willing to risk that because the things I know are so important and have made me who I am and some people are afraid that I might be right and I don't know why. I love my friends and family but there is one thing they all need to know, one thing you all need to knowis that once there really were witches and demons and they were hunted to near extinction but they are coming back. They reside within all of us and they are about to be reawoken. So be ready.




June 23, 2003/12:16am Monday

So today I went to skateland with a friend and then we found out they had made a mistake so we went to the mall. That's why I'm all giddy and happy. Today I found myself a prisoner of my mind and heart again. I keep remembering things that have happened in the past and they will never leave me. She comes to me in those memories, and I see her dressed in large japanese kimonos pink, purple, and blue, sometimes even in green but the colors are always soft and her moon yellow white hair blowing in a wind that only me and her can feel. She wants me to do things to try and save her but I know I cannot. It feels as though our souls will wander this earth forever. I am afraid. I do not want my soul to wander in pain and anger forever. I found out that we are all connected to someone or something else spiritually. For me I am connected to three other beings. A male spirit who usually takes the shape of a human, a sacred tree spirit whom lives within a sacred tree which is born the same year as I and dies the same year as I do, and another thing that I am yet to find. I am happy to say a my friend A.Jay has designed me a really cool banner I'll be putting up on my links page later on so you can link me. My heart is acheing again. Not only because I miss my friend whom I was speaking of earlier, but the knowlege of the heart pain I will inflict upon my daughter when I am killed, and there will never be anyone here to comfort me in the night when these thoughts come to me haunting my every waking moment aswell as sleeping. For I am not aloud to love. If I do they just turn out as cold heartless men only wish from me my virginity and for me to settle down and have their children. I cannot do these things. I will never feel a man's body against mine keeping me warm in the cold of the night. I will never stand in a kitchen window watching my husband play with the children and laughing. Never will I loss my virginity unless forced from me. No, instead, I'll die at the hands of a man I once was very much in love with. Instead, I will wake alone in the night covered in sweat from the effort of trying to reawaken myself from the haunting nightmares and then crying myself back to sleep trying to rid my tortured mind of the painful memories that reside there. I am still just a child. I feel like a 6 year old child stuck in a fifteen year old body. No I don't need professional help because they only make things worse. That is how I lost my friend. They made her think about the worst things that have happened to her. She got trapped inside herselve and the demon took her body. Now her tortured soul wanders haunting me and no matter how many prayers I say she will never be free and I blame myself. I know I could have saved her but I was blind and I didn't see it happening. I miss her so much. I miss her life light. It lit up all the dark corners of my life. I think I am still haunted by the memory of the day I found out she was gone. The day she told me she would die for me and I had though of how careless she was with her own life now and I would not give mine to save hers. I beg God forgiveness for these thoughts. I hope I will find someone who can save me from these pains. Someone who will have a life light so bright that it will never go out or be tanted by others. I hope this personis pure and clean of sin and drugs. I know he is out there. I can feel him for he is my heart. I think that this man and the tree spirit aswell as God and my guardians have been keeping me alive and for that I am greatful. Well good night everyone.




June 24,2003/ 3:40am Tuesday

Today I am sad. A very close friend of mine whom I was once in a relationship with has decided to tell me that he will never be happy until I go back out with him. I told him that I am not premitted to anymore for I have come of the age where sex would be required in a relationship to keep it afloat. As you all know, that is not possible for me. He does not understand that I love him and long to hold him but I just cannot. I am just a small child at heart. I am not read for these things. Tonight, my exbestfriend's soul turned up and tried to suck out my soul. She almost successed, but I got away. I feel the danger mounting all around me now. I fear I will soon be at risk of being raped. I think I need to learn karate or something. Quickly. Well, good night to you all.




June 28, 2003/8:08pm Saturday

Today I am both truly happy and truly sad. In the mist of the past few nights, my best friend's soul returned only bent on taking my soul with her into an eternal loneliness. I had no choice but to banish her wandering soul back into the a quite part of hell where the souls that leave their bodies consumed with hate many sleep forever until the hate leaves them. My guardians cast a spell when she came to me last night and I pretended to ignore her. The mourning demons of hell came up and grabbed her and she fell into a deep slumber. Now she is gone very far away but I can feel the anger that she still carries growing stronger. When I die and reach Heaven, I am aware that she will waken sensing me and we will fight on that horrid battle field in which the blood of fallen demons and angels turns it black. But I am prepared to take her on. We have fought there once before and she ran. I won't let her run this time. I will imprison her soul or get rid of it. Well anyway I have aso made some new friends in which I am particularly fond of. I met them whilest role playing for Inuyasha. Which if you haven't noticed by now is my favorite anime only because it reminds me of my own life or what has happened so far. You will notice there are several pictures on my webpage of the character each represents a different person. Anyway you'll catch onto who they are eventually. Bye for now.





July 4, 2003/8:57pm Friday
Wahoo! today is the fourth of july and there are a million people at my house right now. I even got to see three small naked boys running around my house very entertaining because it doesn't happen very often. Good thing I plan to adopt a child who will be my chosen heir. It's strange to know what my daughter will look like before she is even born. But that's okay. I just hope that she will continue to pass on love and hope instead of becoming a black heart from corruption. *yawns* man am I tired hmm, smiles* but I do love the sound of fireworks. Reminds me of the good old days when it was really the sound of cannon balls and bullets as troops of red coats marched up out of the woods, crossed your property, and chased down the patriots. Ahh, what a wonderous bliss war can be. I guess it is just the sense of danger that I love not the fact that so many die. Of course I hate wars now... the guns and weapons are so boring and it just unfair. I think we need to bring back swords and bows and arrows. Those weapons are alot more fair and give humans a fair fight for their life in which I think that people deserve to be able to fight for. Well anyway I have alot to do so I'll say good night.



July 17, 2003/ 4:35am Thursday

Today I took karate it was fun. I am telling someone the truth about Heaven and such. I believe it time for the world to know. I know that because of this Ilan will find me and kill me but I have come to except it and i ask no one to save me. Please let me die. I also wanted to let you all know that I am in a ghost hunting group. Here is the site if anyone cares to visit. well good night.

August 28, 2003/ 8:55am Thursday

Hello everyone! It's me again and you'll never guess where I am? I am in school! This is the weirdest thng I think I have ever been doing my website so far...anyway lots has happened. I was in Utah for a week visiting family and now I am back in school doing a hundred million things. Well class is over so I gotta go see ya!

September 12, 2003/ 11:36am Friday

I am peased to announce that I fell off a horse two days ago. It was quite painful. I came to find that I was not afriad until I was off the horse. Very, very interesting that I should be afraid after I had fall off of the horse. I am very displeased with egyptologists because they are digging up my home. Why can't they just leave us alone and let my people rest. Or at least leave them in Egypt where they were ment to be. I am sitting here in school next to Neith whom is looking at our ghost hunting page. She is also looking at egyptian stuff(of course). Hehehe. I am hoping to learn about shamanism soon. I also need to learn about more about magick and religons. I think muslim is my next subject for I feel blind folded about them and I need to get inside their heads so I know how to create peace between them and us. *sigh*


October 7, 2003/ 3:27pm Tuesday

So I am sitting here in the library after school and our Anime club meeting was cancelled so I am all alone. I have not been well and I have also found that I am a psi vamp. well I'll right back soon we are being hurried out of the library so bye.