Where Do I Go From Here And How Long Will it Take to Get There?
Let's see. Where to start. Dad is in the hospital again. I need to either quit my job or go part time or take FMLA. (Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993) We have to finish with contractors to get the house done. We have to move back into the house. I need to find care for Dad when he comes home for the daytime hours if I continue working. I need to find a renter for my apartment---let me qualify that--the apartment management must find a renter for my apartment--or I am liable for $5800.00 in future rents. (So far no one has been knocking down our door to view it--big surprise, right?)
That's about it, I guess.
Seems manageable enough.
1. Dad Falls.
Dad fell for the second time, 5 days prior to being admitted to the hospital. We have known for over a week he was not feeling well and the pain in his back seemed disproportional to what it had been, but he would not cooperate with me and go to the doctor voluntarily. So he waited until he could not move at all. A brief ambulance ride and a stint in the ER room confirmed what I had suspected--he was really hurt and needed attention. Apparently when he had fallen the last time, he had fallen full force on his knees. The impact of that fall caused 2 compression fractures in the thoracic vertebrae.
He is not arguing about anything now. He is heavily medicated and lying flat on a bed unable to get up.
At least he is not in any pain now. And so far, any possible medical complications that might occur have not...and every step is being taken to see that they don't.
2. Part-time job
I immediately put in for a part-time position here at the company as soon as I knew Dad was going to once again require full time care. Unfortunately, even though the position is only upstairs and it would take nothing just to pick up the phone and let me know where I stand--I have heard nothing. If something doesn't happen fairly soon, I will be forced to just go on leave without pay, i.e., the FMLA Act of 1993. I certainly hope it doesn't come to that, but one never knows. I have learned to expect the worst when in this situation. Past experiences and all, you know. I know that I am irritated over everything these past few days, so I should not be surprised that I am angry that I haven't been contacted about that part-time position when it has only been 3 days since I applied. Still-----you would think out of courtesy--------
It's easy to be angry at anyone and everything not directly attached to this situation. Even Keith and I have been at each other's throats, so to speak. The tension is so thick in our house you could cut it with a knife. And we never argue.--Well, almost never.
Of course, I am angry with Dad. I kept telling him, (prior to this, of course), that his refusal to rehire a housekeeper/companion and his refusal to move into a place where we could all be together and caring for him would be easier on us, that he would place us in a position of awkward and hurried action, if and when an emergency arose. And this is exactly what he has done. Once again, Keith's and my life just comes to a complete standstill while we try and get things organized for Dad's care and well-being. This will be the second home I have given up and the second job that I have left because of Dad's needs. I honestly don't know how Keith does it without being resentful. I mean, after all, it's MY father.
I guess I should be happy. At least I have Dad around to care for his needs. But I am still furious. He should have gone to therapy months ago---he wouldn't have fallen had he not been so unstable on the walker which he refused to use right. There are a lot of "should haves" involved in this and I guess if I don't stop worrying about them I won't be able to get on. But he should have moved-----, he should have made it easier to start construction since insisting on staying-----he should have worked with us a LITTLE!----
3. Contractors
By this Thursday we should have the quotes we need from the contractors. When Dad refused to move into another place we made the decision to further renovate the house so it would be adaptable to all our needs. Of course this was something to put off until the last minute. And now the last minute has arrived---and Keith and I are stuck trying to get everything done before Dad is released from the hospital. And of course it is costing much more than it would have had we done it gradually and spaced it out.
I need to stop this. I am just ranting and raving and I have no right. I am like everyone else who is duty bound to family, and I need to just press on and get to it. All the anger and resentment in the world won't change anything--it only makes me a more difficult person to be around. I need to just dive in there and start making the best of everything. And I think I will be able to do this. I just need some time to adapt.
And in the meantime, I think it stinks they can't call me from upstairs and at least tell me if I will get an interview or if they have filled the position!
"So there!" stomps the surly child with a toss of her head and a twitch of her hand. "So there!"
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