11:20 a.m.
( I'm at work again.)
Getting up this morning proved to be even more of a challenge than yesterday. I couldn't get to sleep last night. I took *2* pain killers (one, then an hour and a half later, another) and the last I remember, the clock said 12:45 a.m. before I was finally able to get to sleep. I don't mention that here because "oh, poor me, I hurt", but because the type of pain I had last night is the kind that is more of an incredible annoyance than excruciating. My muscles cramps so darn bad and just as I start to drift off, bam! cramping away they go. It's kinda like a form of Chinese Water Torture. It bugs you to insanity! And it keeps you awake. And it kept me awake. Again. Sooooo, I am tired again for the second straight day. This week is really starting out poorly. (Must mean it will end wonderfully?)
After I had finally reached a certain level of brain activity this morning, I stumbled into my closet to try and decide what the dress for the day would be. (This is a daily ritual) It ended up being, what Keith calls, my "Palladin" (Remember "Gun Smoke?"---Am I dating myself??) look. Black docker pants, black sweater and, (I know, I know!) black "witchy" shoes. I love these shoes and they are the only ones that I can wear (instead of the orthopedic ones) for a little while at a time without too much discomfort. So I decided to wear them and look "cool" today. All in black. Which is actually my best color. And I love these shoes. (And I mean NO disrespect to all the Witches and Wiccans out there! When I use the description "witchy" shoes, it is out of my minds eye's picture of the period shoes that the pilgrims wore.)
Because I have very dark, short straight hair and dark eyes, with (I think yucky!) white/light skin, I tend to look best in "pure" dark colors like black, midnight navy and, believe it or not, deep chocolate brown. It's a good thing, too, (not to mimic Ms. Martha Stewart), but I love these colors. And other "earthy" colors. And if I stray from these colors - I have no sense of fashion at all! Black and white is always fastest, surest and safest when I am doubt!
I am slowly becoming indoctrinated into the world of IRC. This is a chatting program that allows you to join people of like interests at certain time in a "room" on the net and chat away! I have now twice gone to one group around 9 or 10 (at night) called #kate's_cargiver_support. This is a room for caregivers to get some care! Very nice! I also found a little room called #Fibromyalgia.
I have thoroughly enjoyed participating in both of these rooms! And, contrary to what one might think, they are not filled with a bunch of people whining about how much they hurt or how they have to sacrifice so much to be a caregiver,,,,blah,blah,blah. It is just the commonality of sharing everyday things with people that are like you! I never thought I would like anything as much as I used to like AOL chats, but I really do like and look forward to these "IRC chat" times. And now that we are a two computer family, Keith is happily GLUED to the new computer as soon as he comes home, so he doesn't even notice when I quietly leave to go "join in a mystical chat-union" with my cybermachine and (cyberfriends. ;-)
(I really do love that man! Who else would have thought that there was another human being out there that loved being on their own as much as I?????????)
But back to the thought of the moment.....I think that one of the reasons that these rooms are so popular and fulfilling is that they are beginning to fill a void that has existed for some time now.
It is the void that was created when the sisterhood of women dissolved.
I don't know exactly when this happened or why, but the extended family of women, so to speak, those of sisters, mothers, daughters and grandmothers is definitely a thing long gone. We (women) have lost the support, the comfort, the nurturing and knowledge that used to be imparted from having such groups around us. And this is particularly true for the working woman in an urban setting.
It is as if our entire society has changed. The "sewing bees" the "quilting parties", etc. were more than just a group of people gathering to do a handicraft. Younger women learned from the older; the older, when it was needed, then found support and shelter from the younger. There were no "Le Leche Leagues" (a wonderful organization that assists new young mothers in breastfeeding - I actually belonged to a small chapter for a short time 23 years ago). There was no need for a group such as that because someone was there to offer guidance and assistance to the new mommy from the first lusty cry of their newborn infant (or the new mom had helped her own mom in the delivery of her siblings!)
There was no need for "time management" books for housewives, or instructions for cleaning and organizing one's house. You learned by doing, often from as soon as you could walk. Cooking came almost second nature because you were in the kitchen when you mother was in the kitchen.
The "craft craze" (of which I am the craziest of participants) of recent years would have been laughed at in that "other" time. Crafts were part of life; the making of a home, the clothing of the family. For instance, (as if you didn't know by now), I love to knit socks. Once you have the hang of it, it really is not a bad little project. Socks keep feet warm. Period. So why were there so many designs and colors knit in them in the old days - the "folksie" type styles, the Fair Isle knitting that incorporates so much color and beauty into a garment. These were things done for the pleasure of doing yet at the same time serving a basic needed purpose. I still have not, nor will I ever due to lack of patience, mastered the art of intricate multi-color knitting. Perhaps if this had been a trade handed down to me from my mother, who had been taught by her mother.............
We take so much for granted now that once was novelty or science fiction, and are amazed and impressed by things that used to be taken for granted. It is as if the world has turned upside down a bit. And I, personally, think that there are a lot of women left standing on their heads as a result of it.
One example that is burned into my consciousness is the idea of "The Sandwich Generation"; the care and sheltering of ones' elderly parents when they can no longer do for themselves. In a time when we are the most disconnected from support, a lot of us find ourselves in a situation of having to undertake one of the most challenging, and physically and emotionally draining responsibility that one can possibly undertake--that of caring for one's aging parents. And we don't have the support of the sister, aunt, daughter, and neighbor. Because families have had fewer and fewer children over the years, it often falls on just one offspring to do all the work. One child has to carry the responsibility of an entire generation. Sometimes it is almost too much.
And faced with such an enormous responsibility and isolated from the world we, who find ourselves caught up in this lifestyle, look for help.
Mankind is really an interesting creation. Call is sociology, anthropology, psychology - or perhaps a combination of all, a new way emerges for the connection to be made. Mankind is saved from his isolation through the very technology that, in part, has been responsible for taking it to the brink.
Now I am not! going to get into a discussion about the uses and misuses of the net waves. Abuse and perversion occurs everywhere. But I am pleased to say that I, and many others who are seeking, possess a device that will allow a connection between people to once again be formed. An association of like-minded people, whether good or bad, is made possible through e-mail lists, message boards and on-line chatting. And this new generation of video and audio married to the keyboard is only going to boost this association to a new level.
Soon, I will finally be going on-line with a new e-mail list-serve for anyone that is, has, or knows that they will be, soon in the future, caring for an aging parent ( or any family member needing special attention). I hope this list will be a success. I hope it offers hope to others who are struggling in the isolation of this type of responsibility. I hope it does some good.
We shall see. But if other's share just a fraction of my own needs, it should. Because somehow for me, knowing I can share my frustration with someone tonight helps. Knowing that through a letter or note I can tell someone how I had to stop on the way home from work, on one of the more tired days in my life, to take a band aide off my Pop's back because he can't reach it. And knowing that someone will understand how I feel when Pop gets upset tonight because I need to go home and cook our dinner and not stay and watch T.V. with him. And I can tell someone how this situation is really driving me nuts and I will know that they will understand that I am just a little tired, not hateful; just a little "over-the-edge" not selfish; just frustrated at being a "single child raising parents", and not self-centered.
Someone will know how hard I am trying. Someone will know I really do mean well.
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