Well, if I had followed my plan, today would have been a dissertation (tirade?) regarding the copyright process - but......my day took another path.
It was one of those delightfully slow days at work. One of my bosses wanted me to do some revisions to our web page and another needed a small amount of research done. Consequently, when I finished up what work I had to do----I was on-line---so why waste a good thing?
Since I recently have joined several circles of women on the internet, (you may have noticed the seals on my homepage), I have been trying to do a "tour" of some of the sites in an effort to introduce myself. Today seemed to be the golden opportunity to continue such an endeavor. Within about ten minutes of starting this search, I came across one Lady's page that had a section on "The Sandwich Generation". My heart pounded and my adrenaline pumped. I have been looking for such links since last summer. Lo!! and Behold!! -I found myself in a circle of sites, one leading to another that all related to this very subject. And these were sites I wanted and was interestedin! Now, I don't want to give you the opinion that I can't find anysites. I can. But they are usually resource oriented. And that is exactly what I don't want! I know about the agencies and the "healthcare" facilities. I want to connect on a more intimate level with other caregivers out there. That is where the true support for this type of "calling" comes from. And those sites are very difficult to find. (And probably no wonder! Most who are in that situation don't really have time to play around on a computer.) But still, I search and hope and then there are days like today, when all of that pays off! Funny. I was just remembering the first year after Pop's accident when I would get him down for a nap. How I used to love to dial into the internet and surf away. It was such a perfect escape but still left me in the house to listen for him.
Unfortunately, though I found some really neat sites, there was not enough time today to update my ElderCare page. One site, however, from the CaregiverNetwork really stuck with me and this page in particular I want to bring you attention to now. It is called "On My Mind". This site is a link to the journal of a caregiver and I would highly recommend stopping by and reading a bit if you have, had or will (could) be in the situation of caregiving for an elderly parent. It is very nicely done. I wrote an e-mail to the page's author; I hope to hear from her! She has a lot to offer!
Of course, during my days' sojourns, I found sites dealing with other issues too, :)))) even some funny/humorous ones. This means that I must get to work on this page editing and updating everything pretty soon. The only problem I have when I do do this is that I get carried away and want to change everything - backgrounds, graphics, etc. that I have. And I am afraid I just don't have the strength left in me now to "redecorate" yet another time. I guess I will just have to exercise much restraint this week and add only what really needs to be added.
Which reminds me of another thing that bothers me when adding links to my site. I always hate linking to too many sites that I have found from another's searche. I always feel like I am stealing their work effort. I don't know. There are parts of this web-thing that really worry me sometimes and infringing on another's territory or work product is one of those things!
Referring back to the title of this entry today -Finding What You Need When You Need It? I am still amazed by the synchronicity of the universe. Just as life is getting more and more complicated with my father, I stumble onto, and begin to network with, the very types of support systems I will need to keep my sanity through the ordeal. For an example of how things are "getting complicated": Keith and I will have to spend a bit of time again with Pop this weekend trying to get things fixed up and ordered around the house and now that we are not all living under the same roof, my dear father does not tend to "listen" to our suggestions as well. The main problem is apparent. The full time housekeeper I had hired to take care of Dad and the house has demoted herself to visiting "sometimes" during the week. That leaves Pop kind of out there and a mess for me by the weekend. Problem is, Pop does not want to hire anyone else. Sooooooooo, that means Keith and I must do it. Again........ It gets difficult paying for someone you can't afford to take care of someone who could afford to pay and won't and doesn't appreciate the fact that you are doing it in the first place! Eeeggghhh. That sounds so selfish, but it is so true and it is very difficult not to resent Pop sometimes. I know he means well and I know that he is not where he would have chosen to be in his "Golden Years", but still. Eeeggghhh! A wonderful net-friend has reminded me before that my responsibility is still to myself and husband first. And it helps to hear that, but still. Someone has to deal with the problem in the end and for whatever reason, in my family, it is always ends up being Keith and I who take over. (Do I need a support group bad or do I?)
Gosh, just thinking about what the future holds reminds me of how Keith and I love living on our own again. No kids, no parents - no responsibilities, etc. It's like being on a honeymoon again. But I know I had best not complain too much, since I know we have it much better than most. Still, I am going to miss it when we have to, once again, combine households. And no. There isn't any way around that without placing Pop in a nursing home and I can't do that. Yet.
The decision to move him will only come when he is better cared for in a home than at home and requires care that he cannot receive in his ownbedroom. I don't know what Keith and I are going to end up like when we get older.....but I really do hope that we can stay independent to the very end!
Another issue to deal and adjust to is that eventually, as the situation worsens, I am going to have to leave my job. And I am really going to miss the freedom of my job too. I enjoy that place and I enjoy getting out of the house and working at something that often feels like play (web page stuff, etc.). To go back to full time caregiving is ..... well, going to be difficult. I am really in awe at some of the folks that are able to do it day in and day out in much worse situations than we are! And I will be grateful if I can join into some kind of internet support system to borrow some of their strengths!
For some reason, I have been full of energy today and hope to get a lot done tonight. Since is Wednesday and another day of leftovers might push Keith over the edge, it is going to be a scrambled egg, sausage, gravy and biscuits-with-syrup night. Keith loves this type of "dinner" once in a while and I must admit that I enjoy my breakfast more at night when I am better able (awake) to prepare it. After the scramble of meal preparations (eggs - get it?) I will settle down to another evening of working on Christmas presents. I am not sure why, but I just have a feeling tonight is going to be one of those "late" ones. Do you ever get that way???? Knowing before the evening falls that you will not be hitting the covers in peaceful slumber for quite some time after "The Late Show".
I get into these cycles of stay up all night, drag all day, every once in awhile. It's as if my internal clock is off somehow. And there is usually no way out of the cycle but to deal with it for about a week and then, I get so exhausted, I revert back to normal hours. I am really not complaining too much about these periods, though. In the past, if these nights are not accompanied by pain, I have been known to make drapes, redecorated a living room, baked, write web sites, and craft some pretty nifty items. And I have also read a few great books and Lord knows I have a few of them sitting around right now. :)
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