What is happening to my life??????????
Aren't things supposed to be easy? I don't know if this happens to any other women out there but I am a nester. And when I don't have a nest to nest in, I start to go a little crazy. Ok. A lot crazy. Every since coming back to the city to take care of Pop, Keith and I have been like men without countries. Displaced. It's terrible. Having made the decision to leave Pop in the house with a housekeeper because he refused to move to a different place with us that would be more amenable to two-family living----well, I feel like I have been running every since.
Sorry. Back to my story. We have been trying to decide if we wanted to purchase a second house. Ok. We finally ruled that out. Then we thought about a mobile home on some land. Ruled that out. Then a condo. Ruled that out. Finally we decided to stay in the community where we are, just move into a much larger unit and wait out the future.
The unit we wanted was rented last week.
So now I have spent the last 48 hours obsessing about which unit we will finally settle on. And I do mean obsess!
This is a very important issue to me! I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down with a responsibility that I never anticipated. What do you do when you are unable to live with someone without going completely insane and yet there is no getting around it--- you are responsible for his health and life? That is the situation Keith and I have been trying to deal with for 18 months now with Pop, and one of the reasons he and I have finally settled on living over here, close enough so we can go over daily (or more) and take care of things, but with enough separation so as to allow me to hold on to what little sanity I have left.
OK. I resent this a bit. I am sorry. And I am really upset because things did not work out the way I had really wanted regarding my little nest. So I shall, will and am pouting. Does it ever stop?
Anyway. We are going to end up in an upstairs unit, really nice I guess, vaulted ceilings, fireplace, den/study (MY ROOM!) and separate utility room. Only hitch is it is not facing the woods. Errrggg!. I want it all after all!
Isn't that what life is all about????? Having it all? I guess if I knew what the "all" was, I could finally figure out what has happened to my life. I actually have a strong suspicion that I may really have it "all" already.
Scary thought.
Journi
Copyright @ September 2, 1997 by Journi
