June 5, 1998 Well, today I am officially, legally bankrupt. I went to a meeting of Creditors today with my attorney and trustee and it is over. No more debt. It was odd and different than I expected. I had gotten the impression that it would just be the 3 of us, but it was a roomfull of people. So, as he asked questions, everyone got to hear why you were declaring bankruptcy. I was asked a few questions. No big deal and went home. M. wanted details, I suppose she thought there was more to it, and there were none to give. I don't feel any different about it though. I guess I've shrugged this off as being a part of my life for months now that the reality doesn't affect me. I don't think the reality will hit until I come upon situations whereby I need credit (like houses and cars). I've heard though that bankruptcy due to disability and hospitalization will be looked at in a "kinder" light. I talked to my friend Blossom last night and I needed to talk to a friend after yesterday. I haven't heard from her since New Year's (which isn't odd for her) and a lot has changed. She is in a new relationship with someone she talked to me about as a possibility months ago. They are even living together now. I'm happy for her. She needs a good relationship experience. What was also good about talking to her is my chance to vent. However, I masked. Right when I began really expressing my feelings I automatically masked it. I can't believe it. I just want to hit myself. That is not helpful to me and not honest to my friends. Ugghhhh......Eventually I will get better at not doing that anymore.