March 18, 1998 This past week has not been the best. Maybe it is because I took the time to look in the mirror at my now fat body. Ughhh!! I'm eating pretty good and I've been moving more often, but I need to get into the exercise routine again. The first couple of weeks after beginning to work I didn't have the energy to even move after I got home. Now I do, finally, but then last week I got sick. No more excuses. While I am still not 100%, I am well enough to start working out again!! So I will do just that starting today. That was just the beginning of the week. I mentioned to M. how frustrated I am that I have no freedom. Without a car in a city like I'm in (I don't have the money for a car yet much less one with special equipment for my disABILITY), there is just no way to get out. So I thought about it and mentioned that I want to start riding the bike T. brought over for me. Well, that didn't go over too well. I felt a little like a child. M. & D. want me to talk to the doctor first. I guess they are afraid that I won't have much control because of the nerve damaged foot. That isn't a problem because I do quite well on a stationary bike. I think they are also worried about my possibly falling. I don't have those fears. But I guess since I live with them I must appease their wishes. But sometimes I feel I need to remind them that I'm 26 years old. Luckily I see the doc today who I'm sure will give me the okay. The other frustration was the Kansas lost to Rhode Island. This means I won't be going out of the house to watch the games with some people I met from the new alumni group. Double Ugh! Victoria, my therapist, gave me an assignment the last time I saw her. It was to read a couple of books by Susan Jeffers. I finally started one and I really enjoy it. It is called "Feel the Fear" which will be appropriate because my biggest fear is intimacy (an issue I didn't realize was a problem until therapy while others tell me "duh"). I think the book will help. Luckily, it has come in time for this week when I really need it. The big question for the week is "I wonder if I will see Tamara." If so, I will explain all next week including who Tamara is. More later....