October 26, 1998 Gosh, I've been sooo bad about keeping this journal up to date. It isn't that I intend to be bad about it. Just the opposite, but I guess I'm always worried that someone who knows me will read it and take it out of context. Anyhow, I'm extremely stressed right now. I'm trying to find ways to relieve it, but nothing seems to work. I guess I need to schedule another therapy session. I'm going to see if I can get in this week. Well, I suppose I'm being vague and even writing in here can't be therapeutic if I don't write about what is stressing me. Simple. Reviews. Right now is review time at work. I find some of my insecurities resurfacing and it is driving me crazy. Not only will my boss be reviewing me and telling me about what he thinks I'm doing, but I have to review others. Intellectually, I tell me self I have nothing to worry about in my review. I feel I'm doing a good job. Some improvement is warranted and I plan on improving. I also know that a review isn't personal. What worries me is that I might be surprised and he doesn't think I'm doing a good job at all! I would hate to face something like that, but at the same time if he was really concerned, he would have brought it up by now. So, I'm worrying about nothing. Generally I can loosen up on that concern. It drives me nuts, but it is true. What I hate most, and always have hated is reviewing others. Perhaps it is because I hate being judged myself. I don't know. The most difficult part is that I reviewed one person who needs to work on a few things. I didn't view it as a negative review or personal, but she did. Now she has written a letter complaining about me and my ability to separate professional from personal which I can't understand. Ugghhhh.