(Re)Vamping the Book Cover

Which is prettier? What if I said they were the same girl?

Survey Question for the women out there:

What is the most annoying compliment you've ever recieved?

There are a probably a million answers to that, but for me the most annoying compliment I've ever been paid is:

You are so damn gorgeous when you put a bit of effort into it. Why the hell don't you do that more often??

Should I say thank you? What do you say to that? I've been tempted to give the full answer every time I've been paid that compliment, but a) any guy who knows me well already knows the answer to that, and b) it really puts a bit of a damper on the evening when I do.

I guess a bit of background information is in order. I have two "modes" in terms of how I like to look. I dubbed them "Kat-mode" and "Trina-mode".

Kat-mode is how I like to look on a day-to-day basis, which is pretty low maintenance: very little makeup if any, work appropriate clothing on the weekdays, jeans/shorts-tee-flannel-optional style on weeknights and the weekend, glasses, and hair either pulled back in a ponytail or in a sort of whatever-the-hell-it-wants-to-do-I-can't-be-bothered-just-stay-the-hell-out-of-my-eyes style. I prefer this style, personally. I can be up and ready to roll in about five minutes flat (ten if my laundry hasn't been done in a while), and the style is flexible and comfortable enough that I can do pretty much anything I need to do with little fuss.

Trina-mode is what I dubbed my "dress up" style. Trina is a name that I started going by when I went clubbing or got approached in odd places like grocery stores and hot dog stands. It prevented potential stalker types from finding me in the white pages or on the internet and left me with a comfortable sense of anonymity, especially if I didn't intend on seeing this person ever again. Call it a sort of real-life alias or spam filter if you want. Yeah, it's lying and chickening out, I suppose, but that's the decision I made.

Trina wears full makeup (minus foundation because I can't stand the stuff), actually takes a bit of time with her hair, wears contacts and flattering dresses, skirts or dress pants. Shortest preparation time, 30 minutes (more if my hair refuses to cooperate), and don't expect me to do anything more athletic than walk. Trina, not surprisingly, gets all the compliments and a fair amount of attention.

I have conjectured from anecdotal experience that Kat-mode is not considerably unattractive. Okay, in certain situations I tend to blend into walls, but I think that says more about my personality than anything else. So in effect, Trina isn't so much more attractive than Kat, but she definitely has more femininity.

So why, some of my male acquaintances ask, don't I do Trina-mode more often? The short answer is simply that I can't be bothered. I mean, why? Why spend more than 20 minutes to get ready in the morning when I could use the extra 10 minutes to sleep in, eat a more leisurely breakfast or even fiddle a little on the piano? Then there's the fact that it all has to come off again at the end of the day. That's another 30 minutes right there, not including a shower. I much prefer splashing a little water on my face, pulling the hair elastic out of my mop and calling it a day.

Another thing I'd like to know is why I should feel it is my obligation to put in all that extra effort? Ostensibly, a girl makes herself up to look attractive either to feel good about herself, to attract guys or at least turn a few heads. This is all well and good, I suppose, for some women. However, while I don't mind taking a little effort to look attractive every once in a while when the situation warrants (formal parties, going clubbing with friends, etc), I don't agree that it is my obligation to make myself look good all the time. Especially in the service of men who prefer to stare at Trina than Kat.

I mean, for the most part, looking good isn't part of what makes me feel good about myself. Except for a few major personality faults that I'm still learning to live with (and/or correct), I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin regardless of how I look. Well, as comfortable as a girl can be who can't walk more than three blocks without tripping over her own feet. Sure, I have physical faults; who doesn't? But I deal with them by laughing at them occasionally, and just letting them be. I can't change the way I look any more than I can change my personality. Well, short of plastic surgery anyway, but that's way too expensive to be of any worth. So, I learn to live with my faults.

As for turning heads, my personal philosophy on the rules of attraction is this: if a guy needs to see me in Trina-mode before he's interested enough to talk to me, he'll never be happy with me. For all the reasons listed above, Kat-mode will always prevail. Besides, regardless of which "mode" I'm in, I'm still the same person inside. I have the same sense of humour, the same intelligence, the same brash, opinionated mouth and the same tolerance (or lack thereof) of bullshit. If he needs Trina-mode in order to make all of that palatable, all that means is that he's hella superficial and therefore, not my type or worth any of my time.

The fact that some people try to tell me that looking good is an obligation to me as a woman not only fills me with disgust, but also lowers what esteem I had of those people. After all, what does this remark say about what they think of me? That I should cater to the tastes of the men around me and provide them with eye-candy implies that I should be little less than an accessory, something other men can look at; something that is the cause of envy for the guy I'm with, whether I'm on his arm or not. That is not something I buy into. I refuse to be anyone's barbie doll. I've already done my time for that between the ages of 3 and 16, thanks. (Ah, the arduous duties of being a daughter!)
Judging from my experiences, I can say without a doubt that while Trina does get more attention, she is also judged and admired only for her looks. Objectification is the sum-total of her existence. Kat, on the other hand, may not be noticed as much, but at least those that do notice her see past her appearance and see that she has a mind and a personality to go with it. In the end, Trina may win more hearts (or whatever it is that guys think with these days), but Kat gets more respect. And ultimately, that is wha t matters more to me. That, boys, is why I don't "do that" more often.

July 4, 2004

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