Forwards...

Don't You Just Love E-mail Forwards?

Normally, I don't mind recieving forwards. Some of them I'd rather not get, but I appreciate that if a friend wants to share a few laughs or a caring thought, a forward is the best way to do it. I do get a little annoyed at friends from whom I don't get anything but forwards. It would be nice to hear a little something from them every once in a while just to see how they're doing and know that they care about me enough to drop a couple of lines.

This forward though is one of the most gag-inducing I've ever recieved, and I could not resist the opportunity to rip into it. I understand the spirit in which it was sent, so the fact that I'm ripping into it does not mean I value my friend's friendship less. But dammit, couldn't he have sent a better indication of his friendship to me???

"Subject: Are u my friend?"

"If u r my friend u will read this:"
Ooh! You know you should take someone seriously when they use words like "u" and "r" instead of taking the two extra seconds to write "you" and "are". I also love it when ppl want to test my friendship like that! Maybe I would walk through fire to see him in the hospital if he was ill, but if I don't read this poem, then I really suck and am not worth another moment of his time.

"Are we friends
or are we not?
You told me once
But I forgot"

WTF???? Mr. Poet, if I told you once that we were friends and then you forgot, doesn't that make you a lousy friend?????? How the hell do you forget whether you're friends or not? "Oh, gee, sorry there, bud! See, I would've shown up for your birthday party and all, but I kinda forgot whether we were friends..." Wha???

"tell me now
and tell me true
so can I say
I'm here for you"

If the dude in question needs to hear me say "Yes, dude, you're my friend" (again) before he's willing to say he's there for me, I wouldn't want him for a friend. Why do I have to say it? What's more why do I have to say it again? And again? And again? Shouldn't you know whether I'm a friend or not by now???

"Of all the friends I've ever met
Your [sic] the one I won't forget"

Awww, how touching. Even though he won't be there for me until I say those three little words... again... See, he FORGOT.

"And if I die
before you do"

I'll rejoice that I'll never
Get another forward from you
No, wait, that's too many beats...

"I'll go to heaven
And wait for you
I'll give the angels
Back their wings
And risk the loss
Of everything"

How does that prove his friendship? What does giving the angels back their wings accomplish? Heck, what does that mean, he took them away from them? What a mean guy! And in the meantime, not only do I have to constantly remind this guy that I'm his friend before I get any show of friendship in return, but I also have to wait until he gets to heaven (first, mind you) before I get any proof of it? WOW! I'm so lucky to have such a friend! :::jumping up and down and clapping hands:::

"Just to prove
My friendship is true
To have a friend like you"

Even though he can't remember from one hour to the next whether I'm his friend or not... And needs me to quantify it....
"send this to all your friends and back to the person that sent it to you....If you get it back...... that person is your true friend!!"
Uh huh. So those of my friends who have still stuck by me through years of smiles and tears but who don't believe in crappy "test of friendship" e-mail forwards are not true friends at all. Man, I really have to get my priorities straight when choosing friends!
Heartwarming too that I'm recieving this from someone who cares so much about me that he's sending this poem to me AND TWO HUNDRED OTHER PEOPLE ON HIS MAILING LIST!!! Gee, how intimate. Nice to know he cares.
"Pass this on and you will receive one big kiss from your crush*"
That would be kind of hard considering I don't really have a crush right now.
"send it to this many and get:
0. never get kissed again
1. get a peck on the forehead
2. get a peck on the cheek
3. get a peck on the lips
4. get a kiss
5. get a little tongue
6. get a lot of tongue
7. get some tongue with a hug
8. get some tongue with all of the above
9. get tongue and all of the above and more
10. get tongue and all of the above and whatever you want!!!"

I guess I'm gonna die and old, old maid... Cuz I ain't subjecting anyone else I value to this piece of shlock.
Ok you have one minute to send this!!
Ooooh! Damn! Only one minute? Is that from the moment I got it in my mailbox, the moment I started reading, or the moment I finish reading? Crap, I'd better get this sent out if I ever want be to kissed again!
PAH! Don't waste my time.

November 24, 2002

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