Waitress: Hello! Welcome to Luellen's All-American Family Restaurant. Have you decided on your order yet?
Kat: Actually, yeah.
(Kat's friends all gasp in shock because usually, it takes her at least half an hour to commit to a menu choice. Empress has a heart attack. Tokenwhiteboy calls CNN to see if Hell froze over.)
Kat: (ignoring friends) I'd like to have the french toast, with an order of orange juice.
Waitress: Oh, I'm sorry. We don't have "french" toast here. But we do have Freedom toast, if you're interested.
Kat: What's Freedom toast?
Waitress: It's sliced bread dipped a batter of egg and milk, then pan fried and served with syrup.
Kat: Um... Isn't basically what french toast is?
Waitress: Well, yes, but we're calling it Freedom toast. That's our way of protesting France's refusal to permit the UN to authorize war against Iraq. We're following Congress' example. After all, our forefathers did the same thing back in WWII when we changed saurkraut to Liberty Cabbage and the frankfurter to hot dog, so we thought we should do the same now.*
Kat: You, uh, do realize that french toast isn't really a French food.
Waitress: Well, sure it is, honey. That's why it's called "French" toast, isn't it?
Kat: Ooooookay... Well, scratch that last order then. It's a bit early, but I think I'll have the hamburger with a side order of french fries instead.
Waitress: Again, we don't carry "french" fries, but we do have "freedom" fries.
Kat: Oh for... French fries are about as French as french toast!
Waitress: Hence their name, honey. Now, what do you w...?
Kat: French toast is named after the guy who invented it, whose name happened to be French. "To french" means to cut into long thin strips before cooking, which is how french fries are cooked (It's true, look it up). And French fries originally came from Belgium, but some American WWI soldiers couldn't tell a Belgian from a Frenchman!** Geez, what kind of a protest is this?
Waitress: So, what, you're sayin' that France is justified in opposing this war? Do you realize what the ramifications are if we let Saddam Hussein maintain rule? For a start...
Kat: This is not the point! Politics doesn't even come into this.
Waitress: Politics has everything to do with this!
Kat: It comes into the reason why you're doing the protest, yes, but not into the method you've chosen to use. You don't like what France is doing. That's great. You want to protest by renaming French foods served here. Wonderful. But for pete's sake, at least choose an actual French food! Like the baguette. Take the baguette and call it long-ass freedom bread. Or pate. I think people would still eat it if it was called Liberty Liver paste. Or even souffle could be, oh, I don't know, All-American Puffed Egg Thingy. Or how about champagne? You'd be more justified renaming that Bubbly Freedom Wine, than renaming french fries or french toast.
Waitress: Now, there's an idea! Ooh, and we can chuck all our french wine down a toilet!
Kat: Yeah, that'll REALLY show those nasty French people a thing or two. "Hey, France! Check it! I'm throwing wine for which I already paid you $500 a bottle down a toilet! Want more of that? Huh? Say uncle! Go on, say it!"
Waitress: Now, wait a minute....
Kat: It's pointless! It's like sticking your tongue out after a bully's beat the crap out of you and turned his back. I mean, if you're going to take a stand, the least you can do is make it count. Economic sanctions, boycotting of French products, anything!
Waitress: Look, if you're gonna be making trouble like this, I'm going to have to ask you to leave....
Kat: Alright, fine. C'mon, guys. "Freedom fries"... Yeesh. Those Americans sure showed them. I'm sure France is shaking in its boots and swearing to change their tune right now.
Empress: (recovering from her heart attack) Yeah, next thing you know, they'll be renaming the french kiss.
Waitress: Actually, it's "patriotic" kiss.
Kat: I can't stand it!
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