Home
Stepping Stones
The Fountain
sKrATch Pad
Dec. 6/89
Dec. 23, 2002Quick Index:
Quick tips for that special someone
Is it appropriate?
Regifting
Theory of gift-giving
Protecting your pets
Since it's coming on Christmas time yet again, what better time to explore the intricacies of finding that special something to give to that special someone? Most women have this down. It seems to be an in-born talent that they always manage to find just the right gift for anyone. Most men, however, seem to have this instinct of buying exactly the wrong gift for their SO's.
This might have to do with the fact that the grand majority of them seem to like leaving the gift searching until about three or four days before the event (walking through the Path, Toronto's underground network of malls, this evening I couldn't help but notice that almost every person I saw was male.). This, of course, leaves them with the dregs at the bottom of the gift barrel so to speak. A lot of men I know also seem to think that if they think a novelty item is funny, their SO will think so to. This would usually only be the case if their SO was another man. However, most of the girls I know, including the most enlightened of these, don't find singing trout, dancing Santas or chihuahua taco holders very funny, at least not when they're on the receiving end of one.
The most important thing that one should think about when giving someone special a gift is quite simple: What does the gift say of what you think of them? This is the whole premise behind finding a "thoughtful" gift that will please a giftee no end.
When gifting for casual people, it's easy. If you don't know the person that well, a gift basket from Body Shop, Fruit and Passions or some cosmetics counter always does the trick. Tim Horton's or Second Cup gift packages (or their American equivalents) work for everyone from your boss to your next-door-neighbour to your Secret Santa exchange partner. The most difficult part is shopping for a significant other or that really special friend, because you want to get them something that actually means something to the both of you.
I'm not saying it has to be jewelery, or that a bath kit wouldn't be an appropriate gift, though you might want to make sure that a) she isn't allergic to perfumes or highly asthmatic, and that b) she likes the scent you chose for her. You might also want to make sure that she isn't touchy or doesn't read too much into things. It happens rarely, but I have seen a relationship that ended because a girl misinterpreted her boyfriend's gift of bath beads and soap to mean that he thought she stank and should bathe more often.
The best thing really, is to just get to know that girl or guy that you're with. Know what they like and dislike, and for goodness sakes, pay attention! I once received from a well-meaning boyfriend a CD of Leanne Rimes. To say that I'm not a fan is like saying the ocean is kinda deep. His reasoning? I talked about her all the time, so that MUST mean that I liked her music. What he failed to notice (was he tuning me out, I wonder?) was that every time I expounded on the theme of Leanne Rimes, I was actually talking about why I DIDN'T like her music. The same boyfriend also got me a Celine Dion CD. Normally, I do like Celine Dion. However, it was the one CD that had "My Heart Will Go On" on it. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate that song. I used to go on about it at length. So, guys, she may prattle on at length sometimes, but in all honesty, it does pay to know exactly what what your girlfriend is saying.
As a matter of fact, if you listen to what that SO says, you might actually pick up one or two hints about what he or she actually would appreciate for Christmas. Maybe something she mentioned that she'd wanted to get herself, but couldn't justify the cost, or something that she just hadn't had time to buy yet. She could give you all sorts of ideas throughout the year without even knowing it. All you have to do is listen, and take note. Keep track too of what she does manage to get herself, otherwise you might find yourself giving her a duplicate.
Remember though that picking up on hints is not the same as asking outright what she wants. With a lot of girls, the most useless thing you could is ask outright. Most girls (that I know anyway) don't want to seem mercenary, and reply rather flippantly that they just want their friends and family around them, and everyone to be happy and healthy. Or they just say, "Oh, you don't HAVE to get me anything!" which is sometimes followed up with the rather corny "Just spending time with you is enough." However, guys with experience with the stereotypical version of the female know that unless you both have a spoken rule about not giving each other gifts, not giving her something could be interpreted to mean that you don't really care or think about her all that much.
One caveat I will bring up with the "getting her something she's mentioned she wanted" approach: If it's a kitchen or cleaning appliance, give it a miss. Save that gift for a non-special occasion. Unless she says specifically that she wants that Premium Food Processing unit when you ask her what she wants for Christmas, don't get it for her for Christmas. Nothing says "the romance is dead" like a Premium Food Processing unit for Christmas. Or a frying pan. Definitely no frying pans. I don't care how many times you've heard her say she needs a new one, or that there was one on sale with a high tech combination of titanium and Teflon. NO FRYING PANS!
"But, I don't mind when she gives me tools!" I can hear the guys protesting, "Why should she be so het up about a Food Processing unit or a frying pan?" Well, most guys view tools as toys. Guys want more powerful and better tools because they can have lots of fun with them. Appliances aren't toys to most women. They are just that: appliances. Devices to make work lighter. It would sort of be like giving a calculator to an accountant for Christmas. Practical? Yes. Utilitarian? Most definitely. Romantic or thoughtful? Not really.
- It doesn't have to be jewelery. A diamond isn't the be-all and end-all of girlfriend gifts, despite what people say.
- Get to know that special someone. What do they like/dislike?
- Don't ask them outright unless you know for sure you'll get a helpful answer.
- Sometimes, he/she may mention offhand at some point during a conversation something they've wanted or needed. Pay attention, and make a note of that.
- Make sure she doesn't already have what you're thinking of getting her.
- Ixnay on the appliancesay. Ittoday on the eciperay ooksbay.
So what if you've followed all of that, and you're still stuck? There are certain recourses. One method that I always use is to give myself a day or a free hour when I can just walk around a mall. I'm not looking for anything in particular, but I browse around. When I see something that makes me think of the person I'm shopping for (and, of course, if I can afford it), I buy it. And I don't just do this before Christmas, but anytime I find myself at the mall. Usually, I manage to find something.
But what if your idea of shopping is to walk into a store, zone in on what you're looking for, when get the hell out? Well, there's always the internet. If you know she likes outdoor pursuits, check out your local Out-trip Store. If she's into music, see if you can find her favourite band/singer at HMV (or the American equivalent). Does she read a lot? Buy her a book from her favourite genre. She's into stuffed animals? Hell, that's easy! If you've got some sort of talent, make her something. Write her a song and play it for her (nothing is more pleasing than that...), decorate a coffee mug, bake a cake, learn to knit, make her an end table. And if you can't do any of that, or you don't have enough time to put that much thought into it, well, I don't think anyone is incapable of giving a back massage or helping out with chores (think: personalized coupons). Ooh, or what about making their lives easier (trips away, spa day, cooking them dinner, giving a mom a day entirely to herself)?
Yeah, it's a lot of work, but hey, if that person is really someone special to you, then they should be worth that extra effort, right? :)
Note: If you're gifting for a girlfriend or a boyfriend, make sure that the gift is appropriate for the amount of time you've been together, and for the seriousness of the relationship. A ruby bracelet or lingerie is great for someone you've been dating for 3-4 years, but a bit too much to give to someone you've known for two months. And I'm sure a girlfriend or boyfriend of 5 years would appreciate something more than a jar of powdered cranberry cider.
Finally, regifting. A definite no-no for special friends or SO's. For parents, it's a very, very thin line. In fact, regifting is usually not recommended for people close to you. If you feel inclined to do this (and it can be tempting when you have more stuff than space, and when you feel it's a sin to throw out new stuff), choose less familiar faces like your babysitter or crossing guard (if any), Secret Santa partner, your co-worker, your aunt in Romania whom you don't see often, or even better, a donation to a charity. Of course, you should always inspect the gift carefully and remove all evidence that it is a regift. I highly recommend unwrapping it and rewrapping with your own paper. If it's in a box, make sure there are no personal cards inside. Also, if you've had the unwanted gift for a while, check its condition. If it's really ratty, tarnished or smells funny, toss it or throw it into the junk sale pile. And don't, DON'T, give away something used. At least, not as a Christmas/birthday/anniversary gift.
Finally and most importantly, keep track somewhere of who gave it to you - index cards taped to the box, for example. It usually pays to wait until another gift-giving occasion to regift, so it's important to do this. This way, you can ensure that you don't regift to someone in the same crowd as the person who gave it to you or, more importantly, to the person him/herself. It would also be nice if you didn't leave a regift as a "just in case someone gets me something and I didn't get them anything" gift. I find those the worst sort of gifts, somehow. Try to find someone who would appreciate it, even if you don't. That aunt in Romania, for example, might be more inclined to the squiggle-shaped, fucshia bowl you got that jars with your apartment's blue and tan decor. Whatever you decide, when it comes to regifting, it's best not to go over the top.
What it all boils down to really, is just thinking about the person you're gifting for. Knowing what would make his or her face light up with joy on Christmas day, even if you can't be there to see it. After all, the whole point of giving gifts to people isn't about what you give them, or even getting them anything at all. The point is to make them feel special, to let them know that someone cares about them and that they mean something to you. As long as the gift can convey that message, it doesn't matter how much it cost or whether it was store-bought or hand-made. And all the time you spent into finding that gift will be worth it.
END NOTE: If your friend/relative/SO has a pet, and you decide to give that person something edible, I highly recommend that you tell them that. Otherwise, your giftee would possibly place it under the tree for unwrapping Christmas day, and the next thing you know, Fido or Spitsy has done the job for you and eaten the treat to boot. And the treat might not be all that good for them.I learned this the hard way one year when a friend of mine gave me a small wrapped present for Christmas. I always saved my presents until Christmas day to open, so I thanked her for the gift and placed it under the tree. My family went out to Stage West that night, and when we got back, we couldn't find our dog anywhere. Usually she would come out to greet us with wagging tail and high spirits. We finally found her lying under the kitchen table, looking a little sick. When we called her, she waddled out slowly, almost as if she were walking on a boat in stormy seas. We couldn't figure out what was wrong until I went to inspect the Christmas tree and found my present from my friend torn pretty much to shreds.
Part of the box label was still intact; it read "Liqueur Chocolates".
We were very, very lucky that our dog didn't die of chocolate or alcohol poisoning that night (she was a toy poodle/terrier X). From that time on, we subjected every gift we got to the "sniff test". We'd hold out each gift to the dog, and if she took a little too much interest in it, the gift was placed on top of the piano.
For those people with dogs, I highly recommend this practice. It takes only a few seconds, and you can ensure the safety of your pet. Just make sure that there are no ways to climb up to wherever you place the edible gifts. I don't know if the same test works for cats, as I don't know their behaviour. But judging from the fact that they seem to be able to get onto any surface, it might be better to place the gifts in a cupboard or some such.
Remember! Care about your pets this holiday too!!!
Home |
Stepping Stones |
The Fountain |
sKrATch Pad |
Dec. 6/89 |
 Sign Guestbook |
 View Guestbook |