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Feb. 4 , 2003Every teenager and adult out there probably remembers the day they stopped believing in Santa Claus. The usual reasons range from having some kid bluntly telling them, then going home to have their parents confirm the kid's claims, to catching their parents in the act of putting the presents out for them, to not getting what that one present that they really, really wanted that particular year.I can understand how the first two reasons hold compelling enough evidence to put a halt to a child's belief in Santa, though I would be really angry with the kid who said that there was no such thing. Frankly, that's really mean. What is so wrong with believing in Santa Claus that people feel that they have to crush it whenever they encounter it? But the third reason is one that gives pause for thought. Is it reasonable to base your disbelief in something on the fact that, for once, something didn't go the way you wanted?
This is a basic human reaction. For instance, in the face of Sept. 11, 2001, not to mention the more recent tragedies involving the Columbia space shuttle and the incomprehensible deaths of seven Gr. 10 students in Alberta, how many people start really questioning the existence of God because such things are allowed to happen?
Certainly, a great many people go back to the Church in droves to pray and find comfort. But there are others who watch these people incomprehensibly, wondering how they can keep believing in God when the world that He supposedly created and that He supposedly controls is a complete and utter mess. After all, how can God allow such things to happen if he is supposed to be good? Isn't one of the core beliefs that He is supposed to look after us? Of course, the truly devout who try to comfort us by saying that somewhere in the large design of things, these people were supposed to die -- that there is a reason for it all -- only succeed in driving us further away. What do you mean God meant for this to happen? God killed my brother/son/mother/etc.? And He meant to take him/her away from me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I do not deny the need for grief. When a great tragedy occurs, when we lose that someone special from our community and our families, we need to lash out at someone. We need someone to blame, someone we can hate. We need to get angry so we can ignore the hurting. And when there is no one else for us to blame or hate, we lash out at God, the only One who can supposedly control it all. That's a natural reaction. The fact remains though, that no matter how much we hate, no matter how much we lash out, no matter how much we blame, we can't bring back that person we lost. And by turning our backs on God, we turn our backs on the One that we really need most in times of hardship.
I have caught myself questioning the existence of God when something horrible happens. But every time I do, I always force myself to stop and think, to get beyond the emotional response and see exactly what I am saying. After all, just because things don't go the way we want them to, isn't proof positive that God doesn't exist.
God didn't "allow" the terrorists to crash into the twin towers anymore than God decided what I said to the person I met on the train this morning. Perhaps it's just my Catholic upbringing, but I have always believed in the idea that God gave each and every one of us free choice. The terrorists were the ones who chose to crash into the building and bring that much death and destruction to our doorstep. They claimed that they did it in the name of Allah and Islam, but enough Muslims out there were horrified by and denounced this act both in words and in action to make this claim false. It wasn't about God. It was an act of man. Horrible as it is to acknowledge, that we as humans are capable of such evil, it's true.
But what then about all the people that die in sudden storms at sea, avalanches, and of cancer and genetic diseases? Man doesn't create these conditions. And in most cases, some people die while others manage to survive. There is an utter randomness there that is downright scary. Those that survive thank God for protecting them. Does that mean that God wasn't looking out for those who died?
When natural circumstances allow for someone to be taken from us before their time, it's a great deal easier for us to believe that God doesn't exist than it is to accept that the God that we believed was only capable of good, and who is supposed to be looking after us all our lives decided to let it go this time.
When you think about it though, how much do we really know about God beyond our own conceptions or misconceptions about Him? How do we know what He should and shouldn't do? And who are we to dictate? To us God is good because (we believe) He created the world and gave us life. Anything that gives so many gifts unconditionally must be good, right? But to me, to say simply that God is good is about as all-encompassing as trying to describe human-kind with one simple adjective. God is eternal, infinite, omniscient, omnipresent, and even these words cannot begin to encompass God. Yet these words give an idea of God. Each of these words implies that God defies all boundaries that our minds can conceive. God defies description, because He exists on a plane of existance higher than our own. It's a little like trying to describe the third dimension to those that exist in a two-dimensional plane. Therefore to say that God is good is putting a strictly defined boundary on God where none exists. God is more than good. He just... is. To say that God "would not have" allowed something to happen is an assumption that we are not qualified to make. To use this as a proof that God does not exist is over-simplistic at best.
Okay, so really that seems like a very long, convoluted way to express the overdone cliche, "God Works In Mysterious Ways". And it's cold comfort to be told that we should just learn to accept it as God's Will and move on with our lives. So what is a proper response when people angrily say that there is no God, that if there was a God, He wouldn't allow such horrible things to happen? What can you possibly say to that? How can you respond when you start thinking that as well?
For me, it helps to pray during those shaky moments, asking for comfort and for closure, railing at God if I have to about the injustice in the world, about the people whose futures were snatched away from them before they had the chance to shine. But when I calm down again, I realize that God isn't out to get me, nor is He out to get anyone who suffers.
We could choose to turn our backs on God, to ignore Him, and deny His existence, but to do so, is to choose not to grow. Instead, we would nurse the pain and the hatred in our hearts and wallow in anger, blame and retribution. If that is a choice we make, how can we blame God for the consequences of our actions? How can we say that, if there was a God, somehow He could control our responses to circumstances around us? God has nothing to do with the pain we hold tight to. Once again, we have free choice, and that is what we chose.
People suffer, and people die. That is the way of the world since the beginning. And those who suffer the loss, as well as those who went through terrible ordeals and survived, need to grow from the experience. It's not a "reason" for loss and suffering, certainly not an acceptable one to us. But when we get past the pain of the moment, if we can somehow find a way to better ourselves and to shine the beacons of those whose lights were snuffed out too soon, then perhaps we can make enough sense out of the tragedy to be able to accept it and to bring some good out of it. It's all a matter of choice.
Every time I am faced with an incomprehensible tragedy, I am faced with my own perceptions of God. I retire to a private place in my mind and I hold tight to myself, trying to come to terms with the whole situation. The chief question in my mind is always "Why?" Why do these things happen? How can such things happen? Why would God allow such things to happen?
Then a calming voice somewhere inside me says, "Is there any definitive answer that would allow you to accept the situation? Can there be an answer that will move you to say, 'Okay, that explains everything.'?" Only when I see that the answer is "No", can I really let myself go and grieve, not for the senselessness of a sometimes cruel and incomprehensible world, not for the supposed loss of a God in whom people seem to suddenly stop believing, but for the loss of the many bright candles that have been blown out too soon, and voids that they have left behind them.
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