The Straw Hat
Written July, 1993
by Kat Lai
The day was hot and dry. The sun beat down relentlessly on the world below, and there was not a cloud to be seen anywhere in the sky. The thermometers everywhere in the suburb read approximately 29 degrees Celsius. Below, Forty-Ninth Street was absolutely congested with traffic as everyone honked and swore as they made their way home. When bus 45 Clayton finally managed to pull up to its stop, a mill of people pushed their way onto the sidewalk. Among them was a very plain looking girl, about 21 years of age, with mouse coloured hair, and very serious grey eyes. She wasn't very tall--possibly 5 foot 2, and was dressed conservatively in a grey, wool skirt, and a men's white collared shirt. Indeed, if one didn't point her out, one would not have noticed her at all.She walked slowly along the street, dragging a small briefcase beside her as if she was tired of the world and everything in it. Of course, she had good reason to be. The boss had yelled at her yet again for arriving late at the office, and at least three different people had been on her case about the letters and reports they expected her to type up.
"Ellen, I need this report done right away! Make it your first priority!"
"Ellen, This letter must be in circulation in five minutes. Could you see to it, please?"
"Ellen! This dictation is an absolute disgrace! You should know how to spell "porphyry" by now. And this grammar! Don't you know you should edit it as you go along??"
The voices of her co-workers were still ringing in her ears as she walked away from the bus stop. She even had fifteen letters and three reports that she was forced to take home, because there was no time to finish them at the office. Well, she would have to finish them tonight, as they were all needed tomorrow. It looked as though she would have to call Steve and tell him that their romantic night on the town would have to be called off.
Suddenly, as she was passing the little antique store on Forty-Ninth street, a small object caught her eye. Ellen turned to look. It was a hat. Ellen was not sure why it had drawn her attention. It was just an ordinary wide-brimmed straw hat with a thin, green ribbon around the crown with a white hat pin to secure it to one's head. She peered at it through the window. Somehow, though Ellen could not figure out why, it was very mesmerising.
Ellen suddenly got the urge to buy the little hat. She walked inside the store and asked for it. When she looked the price tag, however, she gasped. So much for an old, plain-looking straw hat! Normally, she would have put the hat down in disgust and walked out of the store, being very scrupulous with her money, but something about the hat made her stop. To her own surprise and disgust, she found herself taking out her wallet and paying for the old straw hat.
As she walked out of the store, looking at her new possession, she bumped into her boss.
He was a very small man, just barely taller than Ellen, but with a very big ego. He had a very shiny balding head with a small quantity of hair gathered over his ears and stretching to the back of his head like a laurel crown. He was very fat, and swelled out his chest like a rooster in the henhouse. He was very neatly dressed in a grey three-piece suit and shining, leather shoes. On this particular day, his head shone even brighter than usual from the sweat caused by the sweltering heat, and his face was a tomato red. Now, as he regained his composure from the indignity that was set upon him, he looked at his offender, and his stark blue eyes looked down upon her.
"Miss Grosvenor," he said coldly. "I must request you to watch where you're going."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Cain, I assure you it will never happen again," Ellen replied, looking very perplexed.
"What are you doing here anyway? You should be at home, working on those reports I gave you to type."
"Well actually, sir, I..."
"I don't stand for girls who would rather fritter away their time on needless things than doing what they were told to do." This was directed very authoritatively towards the little straw hat in her hand.
"I'm sorry, sir, I..."
"Don't there chattering away, child! You have work to do. Now, on your way!"
Ellen looked at him for a moment, then walked off, feeling dejected and angry with herself. Why did she always let herself be pushed around by that overbearing peacock? She could never get up the nerve to stand up to him, no matter how she tried. So he always belittled her and stepped on her every chance he got. And the worst part was that she let him. Ellen sighed and walked the rest of the way home; this being a small apartment on the third floor of Gardiner Housing Complex, a rather shabby looking boarding house on the corner of Forty-Eighth street and Twenty-Second Avenue, the noisiest intersection in the suburb.
She sat down in the living room and surveyed the hat again. Why had she bought it? It was expensive and very plain, and Ellen was definitely not one for wasting money, especially with her finances as tight as they were. She got up and put it in the closet. Perhaps she could try it on later. In the meantime, she had work to do. She went into her room and pulled out her typewriter.
* * * * * *
Summer passed on to Autumn in the span of a month that particular year. The weather was cold and bleak, and the sun rarely showed his face. The wind was unrelenting as it blew the litter on the streets here and there. Nature was taking a little of her own back for the endless pain that the human race inflicted on her.
Below, in the little apartment on the third floor of Gardiner Housing Complex, Ellen got up to face another trying day. It had been a terrible month. Her boss had been even more demeaning than usual and her co-workers did not help. They seemed to forget that she was a person, not just some typing machine.
Steve was gone now. He had found someone with more time to spend with him. Someone who was far prettier and taller than herself, Ellen recollected bitterly. She had spent the night crying over everything, and felt spent, as well as disgusted that she was so weak.
She dressed and dragged herself reluctantly out of her room. She had to face the day no matter how she felt, and she needed the money that her job offered her.
Ellen glanced at the thermometer outside her window. It was going to be cold today, 6 degrees. She would need her overcoat. As she reached into the closet to grab it, something fell to her feet. She bent down and picked it up. It was the straw hat.
She had not thought about that hat since she had bought it, and that was over a month ago.
"Well, may as well wear it," Ellen sighed. "After all, I spent more money on it than it's worth."
She put on her overcoat and walked out into the corridor carrying the hat and her briefcase. Locking the door, she turned, and putting her hair up, she put on the hat, jabbing the pin in place as she walked towards the stairs.
As she did, she felt the strangest sensation, almost as if she was floating on air. Suddenly, she was on the street watching everyone rush by on their way to work.
"Ellen."
Ellen turned. "Wha...?"
She stopped in shock and surprise. She found herself staring at someone who looked almost exactly like her. The only difference seemed to be that this girl seemed taller. She held her head erect, and her back straight. She practically radiated with self confidence. She was clothed in a gingham dress that was hemmed at mid-calf.
"Who are you?" Ellen asked, bewildered.
The girl smiled.
"Eleanor Dallier," she answered.
"How do you know me?" Ellen asked.
The girl just shrugged.
"That's my hat you're wearing there. It was mine...oh how long would it be now...100 years ago."
"That's ridiculous!" Ellen replied, "It would have to be pretty eaten up to be a hundred years old, but it's in perfect condition."
"Well, I don't know about that. All I know is that it went missing last month -- well, last month for me, anyway -- and suddenly, here I am with you wearing it. It must have called me up to you."
Ellen opened her mouth to argue, but for some reason, found herself believing this girl. Instead, she blurted out, "You look exactly like me."
"True," laughed Eleanor. "That's a bit of luck, that. But then again, it could be Providence."
Suddenly, Eleanor put out her hand.
"Come on," she said.
Ellen started. "I can't. I've got to get to work or..."
"Oh, blow work!" Eleanor scoffed, "Come on!"
She grabbed Ellen's hand, and Ellen felt that strange floating sensation again.
"Wha...?" She muttered, but even before she could finish, the sensation was gone, and she found herself in a field. Gone were the cars, trucks and people. Gone was the incessant noise and bustle. Instead, birds sang, and the wind rustled through the long grass at her feet, and through the trees of the forest bordering the meadow.
Gone also were her overcoat and the cold weather. The sun was shining, and there was not a sign of a cloud in the sky. It truly was beautiful. And peaceful too. She had not experienced so little noise since she was a little girl. Ellen stretched out her arms and breathed in the clean air, sighing contentedly. She felt so free here, so light, and so absolutely detached from her old world which now seemed so far away.
Eleanor smiled at her counterpart. She watched in silence as Ellen walked a few steps forward to take in everything. She smiled as Ellen's steps became lighter. In the few seconds that they had been there, Ellen had changed right before Eleanor's eyes.
Gone was the little plain-looking girl on whom everybody stepped. The slouching posture had straightened out, the sparkle had come to her eyes again, and her complexion was no longer pale and wane. Instead, standing before her, Eleanor saw a beautiful, confident, young woman who was ready for anything to come her way.
Ellen suddenly laughed and spun around three times before facing Eleanor.
"Come on!" She called.
The girls joined hands and ran together, laughing at everything around them. Eleanor gathered wildflowers and heaped them into Ellen's lap. She then made a flower crown out of them and draped it over Ellen's straw hat. Ellen took the remaining flowers and showered them over her new friend. Both laughed again, though neither could afterward explain why.
Finally, Ellen flopped back in the grass and asked, "Where exactly are we?"
"It's my private playground," replied Eleanor, "I always come out here after working at the general store."
"You mean, we're in the past?" Ellen said incredulously.
Eleanor nodded. "Your past, anyway. Listen, would you like to come home for dinner?"
"Oh, I'd love to...but I've got to get to work. My boss will kill me!" said Ellen.
"He'll what??" said Eleanor, opening her eyes wide.
"Oh, that's just an expression. Don't worry. It just means he'll yell at me, or worse, fire me. He couldn't really kill me," explained Ellen.
Eleanor nodded. "I see."
"It's so dumb. The guy always belittles me and treats me like a kid. He and all my other co-workers step all over me all the time. 'Ellen, this report is top priority.' 'Ellen, take this home and type it tonight.'" Ellen sighed. "It's like they think I have nothing better to do than type up all their precious letters and reports. And I can never get up the nerve to do anything about it."
"Why don't you just quit, then? That's what I'd do."
Ellen shook her head. "I'd like to, but what else can I do? I'm no good at anything, and I certainly couldn't get a better type of job."
"Do you really believe that?" Eleanor asked, looking directly into Ellen's eyes.
Ellen looked away. "Yes...No...I don't know."
"You can only do as much as you believe, you know, Ellen. Take a good long look at yourself and see how far you can really go. I saw a different Ellen when we first got here. You may have seen Ellen, the doormat, but I saw the real Ellen: the Ellen who's not afraid of anything. So, go on, look at yourself. What do you see?"
Ellen closed her eyes. She looked deep within herself and saw something she had quite forgotten. It was a 7 year- old Ellen, playing soccer with the boys at school. They were looking at her in wonder as she scored goal after goal, stealing the ball from even the best player on the opposing team.
Then she saw the 16 year-old Ellen, sailing proudly up to the podium at Prizegiving to collect her awards for top marks in Math, English and Science. Her parents sat in the fifth row looking so proud of their little girl, and taking endless photos of her receiving her awards.
Ellen opened her eyes. What would her parents think of their little girl now?
Eleanor sat back. "Well?" she asked.
"I forgot how well I used to do in school, and how... assertive I could be," replied Ellen, wonderingly.
Eleanor smiled, looking very satisfied.
"Well, I guess you can't be late for work, can you?" she said, putting out her hand.
Ellen took it.
"Thank you for helping me see to myself again." she said gratefully.
Eleanor laughed. "That's not a problem. I think we were meant to meet each other, somehow. Well, good bye, and remember, you can come back any time. Just put on my hat."
"Okay. Good bye, Eleanor." Ellen suddenly found herself wrapped in a huge embrace.
"Good bye. You know, when I get married, I think I'll name my daughter Ellen, in memory of you."
"That's fine by me," said Ellen. "Thanks again."
She was out on the street again. The clamour was back again, and the wind could not be heard for the roar and whining of the cars. Her overcoat was draped around her shoulders. It pressed heavily down on her shoulders, almost like a reassuring hand. Ellen smiled, and straightening up, walked quickly to her office building.Her boss was by her desk as she came in.
"Miss Grosvenor, just where have you been? Haven't you any idea what time it is? Or were you frittering your time away in bed again, doing God knows what?"
Ellen smiled at him coldly. She pulled herself up to her full height and faced him squarely.
"Why, Mr. Cain, sir, have you been peeping in my windows again?" she asked, politely but also very loudly.
Everyone in the office turned to look. Mr. Cain, himself, went very pink. He opened his mouth, then shut it again, as if he were trying to think of something to say. Ellen took advantage of this and kept on talking.
"Actually, sir, I just came by to collect my things, and my last paycheck. I'm leaving, and I assure you that I am never coming back."
Ellen piled her meagre possessions and papers from her desk into her briefcase and stood, looking expectantly at Mr. Cain, who was still opening and shutting his mouth like a codfish.
"My last paycheck, sir?" Ellen said very politely.
Mr. Cain finally regained the use of his vocabulary. "Of..of course. Uh...we'll mail it to you."
"With all due respect, sir, I'd rather you gave it to me now."
"Um...uh...Certainly. Um...follow me."
He took her to his office and wrote out a check. He gave it to her, and was forced to wait while she scrutinised it carefully. Finally, she nodded satisfactorily.
"Thank you very much, sir. I trust that you will extend to the new clerk, the same kind hospitality that you have given me," she said, sardonically but still smiling.
With that she walked out of the office. As she exited out onto the street again, she felt something lightly touching her back. It was the end of the green ribbon on the straw hat, as it sailed up and down in the wind. Ellen fingered the hat lovingly. It was pure luck that had got it for her. But then again, thought Ellen, remembering the day she bought it, maybe it was meant to be.
Back in her apartment, Ellen put the hat and her coat away. Suddenly, her hand brushed up against a cardboard box. She smiled. They were her family's photo albums that her mother had told her to take to the city with her, "just in case you get lonely, dear." She pulled down the box and looked through them, recalling old memories of her childhood years.
Then, at the bottom of the box, she found a small sized canvass wrapped in tissue paper. Attached to it was a piece of paper on which was written:
"Dear Ellen,"If you ever get discouraged, just look at this portrait. It was done a little over a hundred years ago. It's a very nice portrait of your great-grandmother. She was a very determined lady, and never ever gave up. I hope it gives you the inspiration that it once gave me.
With love, "Mom"
Ellen unwrapped the portrait, and almost started when she looked at it. It was Eleanor Dallier. Ellen shook her head. Maybe it wasn't Providence that she looked like her after all. Maybe it wasn't luck either that she found the hat. The more Ellen thought about it, the more certain she was that everything that had happened was pre-arranged by something bigger than she or anyone would ever know.
"Thank you, Eleanor," Ellen whispered.
Then, she carefully rewrapped the portrait, and put it away.
"You can only do as much as you believe."
"You may have seen "Ellen the doormat", but I saw the real Ellen: the Ellen who's not afraid of anything."
Eleanor's words echoed and re-echoed through Ellen's head.
"I'll remember, Eleanor. I'll remember," Ellen whispered with a smile.
Then, Ellen Fiona Grosvenor put on her overcoat, and sailed out onto the street to start a new life.
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© Kat Lai, 2002.
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