Boutique Irina Written November, 1999
by Kat Lai
SCENE:
MARTHA and JEN, dressed in typical jeans and t-shirt uniform of the average university student, walk into Boutique Irina, a very chic and very exclusive formal boutique. The CLERK behind the desk looks askance at them. Whenever MARTHA and JEN take anything off the rack or touch a dress, the CLERK glares at them in the most inhospitable manner.MARTHA: Come on, Jen, maybe you'll find something you like here.
JEN: I dunno, Martha...
MARTHA: Well, what's the harm in looking after all? One more shop isn't going to do us in. Besides, you haven't liked anything we've seen so far.
JEN: Can I help it if fashion is like totally tasteless nowadays? You may as well shop in a garbage can and get the same thing for ten times less!
MARTHA: So, look elsewhere. Like here, for instance. Check out the crenolin on this dress! You could be a ballerina!
JEN: (laughing) That one's a bit much. What about this brown one?
MARTHA: Brown is for old people. Wow, look at this one! It's perfect! The blue would really suit your eyes.
JEN: I think it's a little too formal though. I mean, it's just a grad ball.
MARTHA: Yeah, you're right. Check this one out, Jen! I mean, couldn't you just see Elizabeth Taylor wearing this one? (She holds the dress in front of her and hammingly imitates Elizabeth Taylor) Dahling! Where are my shoes? I know I brought them with me but I just can't seem to find them!
JEN: (chuckling) Cut it out, Martha! The Clerk's looking at us.
MARTHA: Definitely not your style, cherie. (She puts the dress back.)
JEN: Well, how about this one?
MARTHA: Not bad... not bad... But I like this one better.
JEN: I dunno. Purple's not really my colour.
MARTHA: It is so your colour! You've just never worn it before.
(JEN jerks the dress out of MARTHA's hand, and holds it out in front of herself.)
MARTHA: You're right, it's not your colour.
JEN: Hey, here's one that would be great for Jewel. It's see-through and it's tacky. (Holding it in front of her, she puts on a pouty expression and starts hamming.) "Who will S-AAY-AAAY-AAAAY-VE your souls..." la da de da da da da da da da da.”
MARTHA: How 'bout all these accessories? (Picks up a feathered comb and sticks it in the back of her head) Doesn't this look like something right out of Titanic or something?
JEN: I don't need anything like that, Marth. (MARTHA pulls out a tiara and puts it on) Marth! Help me pick a dress!
MARTHA: You may kiss the hand fuhst. (She sweeps over in a majestic stride, and holds out her hand.)
JEN: (pulls out a dress reminiscent of a southern belle) Ah cain't, yer majesty. Ah'm not werthy tuh kiss yer li'l finger! But if you put aht yer toe a li'l, ah'll be haippy tuh kiss thait! Pro-vahded it duhsn't mess up mah dress.
(As MARTHA laughs, the CLERK coughs politely, but pointedly. Sobered, JEN puts the dress back and they head to a rack near the door. Thinking that they are leaving (and good riddance!) the CLERK moves into the back room.)
MARTHA: Man, she really doesn't like us being here, does she?
JEN: Big deal. Hey, look at this one! I think this one just might suit me.
MARTHA: Let's see.
(JEN takes it off the rack and holds it in front of her.)
MARTHA: I like! But it's too big. Let's see if they have a smaller size...
JEN: (Pawing through the rack) Maybe a lighter shade of green too...
MARTHA: There we are! Here, hold it up. It's perfect!
JEN: I think I'll try it on... (Searches through the racks) And the blue one that we were looking at before.
MARTHA: Okay, I'll ring for the clerk.
(MARTHA rings the bell on the counter. The CLERK comes out with her "client face" on, but drops it when she sees the girls. She hesitates for a second.)
CLERK: (distastefully) Yes?
JEN: Do you have a change room? I wanted to try these on.
CLERK: We do, dear. But I don't know if you should try them on. The styles really are a little too old for you.
JEN: (cheerfully) Be that as it may, I'd still like to try them on. Can you show me where the change room is, please?
CLERK: Listen, dear. I know styles, and these are not your style. In fact, I doubt very much whether anything in this boutique would suit your style. You would just be wasting your time and mine.
JEN: (stares for a brief moment) Excuse me?
CLERK: You have flitted through this boutique, you've had your fun and fantasy. Now, please put the dresses back. They really aren't for you.
MARTHA: (incredulously) Now what in hell do you mean by that? If you think that she can't...
JEN: No. Leave it. Okay, we'll do what you want... (pauses to look at her name tag) Lorraine. If you really feel that way, then we'll go. Come on, Marth.
MARTHA: But...
JEN: No really. Let's go.
(She lays the dresses out on the counter and walks out, MARTHA trailing behind, protesting a little. The CLERK places the dresses back on the rack with a satisfied look and exits into the back room. A brief pause or black out to indicate a passage of time, say a day or two. After the pause, the CLERK is bent at the counter, arranging the displays there. The boutique's owner, Irina, comes into the store. The CLERK immediately stands up straight.)
CLERK: Miss Irina! Good morning! You're in early today.
IRINA: Good morning, Lorraine. Just go about your work as usual, I'm just doing a little business "incognito" today, so to speak.
(She retires to the back room)
CLERK: Yes, ma'am.
(JEN walks in with MARTHA. The CLERK notes their entrance with extreme displeasure.)
CLERK: (icily) May I help you girls?
JEN: (Cheerily) Oh, no thank you, Lorraine. We're taken care of.
IRINA: (coming out to JEN with arms open) Ah there you are, Miss DuBois! I've been waiting for you.
(MARTHA watches with satisfaction as the CLERK's eyes bug out.)
JEN: Yes, I wanted to get a dress for my grad ball. I've had difficulties (subtle emphasis directed at the CLERK) trying to decide on one, though.
IRINA: Well, we have several within the price range you stated. Do you at least have an idea of what you're looking for? Style? Colour?
JEN: (going through the racks and taking out the ones from last time) Well, I did notice these two.
IRINA: Oh, either of these would look lovely on you! Lorraine, could you show Miss DuBois the dressing room please?
(The CLERK silently complies.)
JEN: (sweetly) Thank you, Lorraine. You are so helpful.
(The CLERK looks like she is going to be sick.)
IRINA: If there's anything else you need, just let me know, dear. I'll be in back.
JEN: Thank you! Martha, could you help with the zipper?
MARTHA: Certainly, Miss DuBois!
JEN: (giggling) Martha, you are such a ham!
(JEN comes out, splendid in the green dress.)
MARTHA: Oh, Jen, I love it! (Leans towards the CLERK) Not bad, wouldn't you say? Especially for something that's not her style.
JEN: Not bad... I don't know though... I'll try the other one before I decide. (She goes into the dressing room)
MARTHA: (to JEN through the door) Are you sure you should carry this one much longer? Our friend Lorraine is looking very weak.
JEN: Serves her right. I don't care how long it takes so long as I get my dress. (She comes out in the other dress) Here, how's this?
MARTHA: Beautiful!
JEN: Then it's settled. I'll get both. Lorraine, be a darling and make up the bill please?
CLERK: Both, miss?
MARTHA: Jen, seriously... Both?
JEN: Why not? Aunt Maria's getting married in a month, and Dad has that function in Toronto that he's been trying to talk me into going to. I could use an extra formal.
(JEN returns to the dressing room. The CLERK looks ready to die, but she calmly begins writing out the bill. MARTHA looks on.)
MARTHA: No, no, big ‘B'. Du Bois. First name Jennifer. Hey, Jen, do you give your home phone number or the one you have at rez?
JEN: Rez!
MARTHA: 832-4648.
JEN: (comes out with both dresses)Thanks.
CLERK: (slides the bill over to JEN) Here you are, miss. And how will you be paying?
JEN: You take credit cards, don't you?
CLERK: (Crocodile smile) Cash, dear. Or cheque with three pieces of ID. Credit cards are reserved for those customers on our exclusive list.
MARTHA: You have credit card stickers on the door, Lorraine.
JEN: Never mind, Marth. Cheque, it is then. Could you fish out my ID for me?
MARTHA: Okay. (snaps down the cards while JEN writes the cheque)
JEN: Thank you. It was a pleasure doing business with you. (calls to the back)Thanks, Irina! I'll see you this summer?
IRINA: (bustles out of the back) Definitely, dear. You tell your mother I said hi, okay?
JEN: I will. Oh, and I suggest that you see to Lorraine here. She seems to be having a bad day.
(Chuckling, JEN and MARTHA leave.)
IRINA: Are you feeling alright, Lorraine? You do look a little green.
CLERK: Oh, nothing a little fresh air wouldn't fix, I'm sure.
IRINA: Well, I hope that Miss Dubois is satisfied. She said she came in the other day, and had a little trouble buying a dress.
CLERK: Did she?
IRINA: Yes, and I can't understand it, since this time she was in and out in a matter of minutes! Well, no matter. So long as she is happy. After all, I can't afford to get on her bad side at the moment.
CLERK: Her bad side, Miss Irina?
IRINA: Her mother, Mrs. Daniel Dubois, is interested in becoming my partner in this boutique.
CLERK: Mrs. Daniel DuBois... As in wife of the CEO of that ... that... company on Bay Street?
IRINA: The very one. She called me a few days ago with a proposal, and it was so generous that I just couldn't turn it down. I've been looking for a new partner for so long ever since my sister passed away, God rest her soul... It was just too opportune for words. Oh, what am I doing out here chatting? I have paperwork to straighten out. Mrs. DuBois will be making changes around here, I'm sure, and I want everything to be in order for her to look over. Lorraine, are you feeling well? I could swear you look as though you could collapse any minute. Lorraine? Lorraine? Oh, dear! Out like a light. Well, really, she must take better care of herself, that's what. We couldn't possibly have our staff fainting left and right. Whatever would it do for business?
END OF SCENE
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