Talk
Written 10/15/95
by Kat Lai
** WARNING!!! This playlet should not be tried by the faint of heart or short of breath. The Girls must be able to maintain a steady stream of conversation throughout the entire piece in a round. This will require a lot of skill in talking and line co-ordination.**Characters:
All characters are 15 - 17 years old.These characters are all stereotypical of their age and gender.
Pam - a girl (for those who feel descriptions are necessary) Karen - friend of Pam Randy - boyfriend of Pam Don - "long suffering" brother of Pam, friend of Randy Scene:
On stage, there are two tables with two telephones at U.R. and U.L. There may be two chairs as well. It is imperative that there is plenty of room D.S. to move around.KAREN enters, picks up the phone and dials. She then stands facing D.S.
KAREN.
(Brightly) Ring, ring!!
(PAM enters from opposite side, walks over and picks up her phone.)
PAM.
(Equally brightly) Hello?
KAREN.
Hello, hello!
PAM.
Karen!
KAREN.
Pam!
BOTH GIRLS.
Hi!!
PAM.
What's up?
KAREN.
Not much. What's new?
PAM.
(obviously something, but she speaks nonchalantly) Oh, nothing.
KAREN.
(catches the tone; excited) What is it?
PAM.
(Drops all pretence) Wait'll you hear!
(The following exchange is very quick.)
KAREN.
What? What?
PAM.
You're not going to believe --
KAREN.
I'm not going to believe --?
PAM.
It's absolutely, totally --
KAREN.
Really, truly -- ?
PAM.
Honest, I swear to God --
KAREN.
Stop! Talk! You're totally killing --
PAM.
Have you heard? Have you heard?
KAREN.
Tell me all! Upon my word, I will never breathe it too another soul.
(The following is done very rhythmically in 4/4 time. All words in capital letters fall on the beat. Each line is one measure.)
PAM.
Well...I said You said He said She said
They said I said You said He said
She said They said We said You said
He said She said They-KAREN.
Talk, tell me More, tell me More, tell me More, if you
no Way!
Wanna tell me More you gotta Talk, talk, Talk.PAM.
Lauren grady Andy, Marcie tess and Sandy,
Charlie jenny Anne are gonna Date dump Date.KAREN.
Wilma ben and Maurie, Catherina Laurie,
Teddy danny Suzy are an Item for Sure.PAM.
Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter
Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chit...KAREN.
No! Really? You don't Say!
God! Totally! What a Nerve!
I think She likes Can it Be?
Wow! No way! Oh my God!PAM.
Hear? did you Hear? I'll tell Everything my Dear, if you
did you
Promise me you'll Never say a Word.KAREN.
oKay!
(Now, PAM and KAREN speak their previous conversation in a round. KAREN jumps in after PAM's first time through "Chitter chatter".)
PAM.
Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter
Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chit...(2X)I said You said He said She said
They said I said You said He said
She said They said We said You said
He said She said They said ILauren grady Andy Marcie tess and Sandy
Charlie jenny Anne are gonna Date dump Date.Wilma ben and Maurie Catherina Laurie
Teddy danny Suzy are an Item for Sure.No! Really? You don't Say!
God! Totally! What a Nerve!
I think She likes Can it Be?
Wow! No way! Oh my God!Talk tell me More tell me More tell me More if you
Wanna tell me More you gotta Talk, talk, Talk. (2X)
Repeat from beginning)KAREN.
(After PAM's first time through "Chitter chatter".) Talk, tell me More, tell me More, tell me More,
if you Wanna tell me More you gotta Talk, talk, Talk.Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter
Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chitter chatter Chit...(2X)I said You said He said She said
They said I said You said He said
She said They said We said You said
He said She said They said ILauren grady Andy, Marcie tess and Sandy,
Charlie jenny Anne are gonna Date dump Date.
Wilma ben and Maurie, Catherina Laurie,
Teddy danny Suzy are an Item for Sure.No! Really? You don't Say!
God! Totally! What a Nerve!
I think She likes Can it Be?
Wow! No way! Oh my God!
(Repeat from beginning)(As the two girls talk, their voices fade into the background as RANDY enters and begins pacing. After a couple of turns,DON enters from opposite side of the stage. They meet in the middle.)
RANDY.
(almost bored.) Hey, Don!
DON.
(The same) Yo, Randy!
(They do an elaborate secret handshake.)
RANDY.
What're you doin'?
DON.
Waitin'. You?
RANDY.
Same here.
(Pause. We can still hear the girls faintly in the background.)
DON.
So, how long?
RANDY.
What?
DON.
How long you been waitin'?
RANDY.
(Checks his watch) Oh, I dunno. I lost track after 'bout an hour.
DON.
Yeah. Me too.
(BOYS stand a bit longer, then with a collective sigh, they sit on the edge of the stage.)
DON.
So...How 'bout them Canucks?
RANDY.
What?
DON.
Canucks.
RANDY.
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, they're doin' well this year. Only the Kings'll beat 'em. No doubt about it.
DON.
No way.
RANDY.
Yeah.
DON.
You're totally wrong.
RANDY.
Nah. I know these things.
DON.
You know nothin', man. Canucks'll make the semi-finals easy. But the Devils'll beat 'em cold.
RANDY.
Nah. No way Devils'll make the semi-finals.
DON.
Sure they will.
RANDY.
No way.
DON.
Will.
RANDY.
Won't.
DON.
Will.
RANDY.
Won't.
DON.
Wanna bet?
RANDY.
Sure.
DON.
I got twenty says they do.
RANDY.
Twenty says they don't.
DON.
You're on.
RANDY.
Right.
(They do their secret handshake again. Then sit in silence again as the GIRLS continue talking.)
DON.
(exasperated) Sweet Johnny H, will she ever get off??
RANDY.
Off what?
DON.
The frickin' phone!
RANDY.
Who?
DON.
(sarcastically) Sweet sister Pam.
RANDY.
Oh, is that what's keepin' her.
DON.
Girls talk too much.
RANDY.
Yeah.
(Silence between BOYS. The GIRLS still chatter in the background.)
DON.
You're waitin' for Pam?
RANDY.
(sighing.) Yeah.
DON.
Oh, right. You were goin' to see a movie.
RANDY.
Supposedly, but she...
BOTH BOYS.
(they've heard it all before) ...got a call.
DON.
(A long suffering male) Yeah, I know, man, I know.
(Both sigh and fall silent. GIRLS are still chattering, oblivious to the world.)
DON.
Wanna shoot some hoops?
RANDY.
I guess.
DON.
Wait a minute.
(DON gets up and crosses to S.L. He mimes picking up a basketball. RANDY gets up as well. The entire game is mimed with both boys calling the shots like play-by-play announcers. DON does a chest pass to RANDY.)
RANDY.
Randy Jordan dribbles up the court...fakes a left and drives to the right. Rushing in for a lay-up. The crowd goes wild!
DON.
But Don O'Neale appears out of nowhere. Goes for the ball.
RANDY.
But Randy dribbles through his legs! Goes for the lay-up...Slams it in! Yessir, what air time that boy gets, folks. Must be half bird.
DON.
The score is two-nothing with five minutes left to go. Don gets the ball. (RANDY bounces it to DON who starts dribbling.) He comes down the court. Dribbling at a nice slow pace. Deceptively relaxed.
RANDY.
Randy dives in to make a killer steal!
DON.
But Don bursts past him with sudden speed! Goes for a two- pointer...
RANDY.
But is successfully blocked by Randy! What a move!
DON.
(mutters) Don swears under his breath. (aloud) But wait! He still has the ball! Fakes a pass...and shoots again...Swish! The crowd is going crazy!!! (Runs around mimicking a cheering crowd as RANDY gets the ball.) Hahhhhhh! Hahhhh!
RANDY.
Randy takes the ball to centre court. Decides to go for a three-pointer...(Suddenly falls out of character.) Damn! Off the rim.
(They both watch the ball sail down to the ground, looking dejected. Meanwhile the GIRLS have finally finished their conversation. They hang up and walk off stage. DON picks up the ball and the BOYS resume their game.) DON.
Don takes the ball. He walks to centre court.
RANDY.
Randy prepares himself for the defence routine that made him an all-star.
DON.
(out of character; teasing) Pssssh! Yeah, right!
(PAM and KAREN come on. The BOYS continue playing oblivious to the GIRLS' presence. PAM clears her throat to get attention, but to no avail. They stand watching a moment.)
PAM.
(annoyed) Geez! How long is this going to go on?
KAREN.
I don't know. Once they start playing basketball, they'll be at it till kingdom come.
PAM.
(still annoyed) Well,I was invited to a movie today, but I guess he's too busy to go now.
KAREN.
Oh, don't bother about him. I'll go with you.
PAM.
Sure, Karen. Thanks.
(The GIRLS begin to walk off stage.)
PAM.
(rhetorically) Boys!!
KAREN.
I know!
PAM.
Just sports, sports, sports. That's all they care about.
(Girls exit together. The GUYS play for a bit, then RANDY suddenly stops. DON has the ball.) RANDY.
(annoyed) When is she coming out??
DON.
I dunno. Once she's on the phone, she'll be there till kingdom come.
RANDY.
So much for the movie.
DON.
Yeah.
RANDY.
Wanna keep playing?
DON.
Sure.
(DON does a bounce pass to RANDY. He catches it, and prepares for a foul shot.)
RANDY.
Girls!!
DON.
Yeah.
RANDY.
Just talk, talk, talk. That's all they care about!
(He shoots at...
***BLACKOUT***
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© Kat Lai, 2002.
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