Space
Written 15/2/05
by Kat Lai
(VINNY'S girlfriend has just told him that she needs "space".)VINNY:
What? Space? What kinda lame-ass thing is that? What, did something change while I went to get coffee? I mean, I thought we were doin' great, you know? I called you up last week and you said everything was fine between us. You said you'd never been happier. So what, were you lying then? Cuz I can't think of a thing that's changed between then and now. But suddenly, BAM! What happened? Did I fart in my sleep last time I was at your place? Did I leave the toilet seat up? Did I forget an anniversary? What?
(He pauses, waiting for an answer. She doesn't give him one.)
You know, "what we've got here is failure to communicate." I can't remember who said that -- Cool Hand Luke or somebody -- but man, that guy sure knew what he was talking about. I mean, we been together for two fucking years. That's a pretty long time. One would think that you knew me well enough in that time to say something if anything was wrong, you know?
My grandparents are still married, you know that? 50 fuckin' years. I mean, our two years are a drop in the bucket to that, right? And they're still together and lovin' it. Know why? (rounds on her and yells) Because Grams fuckin' bitches out Pops the moment something's wrong! (he calms down a bit) Yeah, oh sure, he fights back and I tell ya, it's something to watch when they really get going, but you know what? At least he knows when there's a problem. And they fix it. And they're happy. Ya know? Grams would never pull this kinda bullshit you're pulling right now. YES! It's BULLSHIT! (he mimics her) "Oh, no, Vinny! Everything's fine, Vinny! Really, it's fine! Don't worry. I love you. I do. We're good, you and me. Oh, and I need space." What the fuck is up with that shit? I mean, just tell me, babe! What's the problem? What's so wrong that you suddenly need "space"?
You need to figure things out on your own? What's "things"? Ah, come on, babe, just tell me. If there's anything I can do, I'll do it. If it's something we need to work on together, we'll do that. I mean, how hard can it be to figure out? If you're not happy with me, you either get me to solve the problem or you ditch me. Either of those options, I get. But "space"? To me, that's like where you go in a rocket or what you're severely lacking right now in your ... your shoe closet. And none of those things got anything to do with you and me.
What? Waitaminitwaitaminit... I want to get this straight. You're saying that this "dilemma" of yours has nothing to do with me? Whaddaya mean it's nothing to do wi... Babe! If you're asking me to refrain from calling you, talking to you or contacting you in any way for an unspecified amount of time, I think it kinda does involve me! No. Oh, no. Don't tell me to calm down, babe. Don't tell me to calm down. I think I have a perfect right to not be calm right now. You spring this "space" shit on me out of the blue, then tell me it's none of my damn business why? When I am directly affected by this? How the hell am I supposed to take this? (civilized British accent)"Oh, yes dear, that's fine! I'll just pop into the cafe for a quick tea and bikkies then, shall I? Ta ta!"
No! No. You are asking me to go into limbo for God knows how long. And in that time, I'm not to know anything about how you're feeling about me, about us. And I'm not supposed to give up on you either. That is a lot to ask of a man, you know? If you want me to do that for you, I think I deserve to know why. You owe me that much.
No? Okay then. Okay. Fine. I'll drop it. You want space, I'll give you space. There it is! All yours. Have fun with it. Yeah, whatever, see ya 'round.
(He turns to leave. Pauses a beat, then...)
What kinda "space" are we talking about? Hey! Hey! Whoa! Come on, babe, come on. I know I said I'd drop it, but it's a valid question. I need to know, so's I know what to expect here. I seen too many guys burned by this "space" shit already. So what kinda "space" do you want?
Is it the "I need time alone to sort out the shit in my head, so check back with me in a few weeks and we'll talk" kinda space? Or is it the "this is just a nice way of saying, sayonara Vinny, you're curbed!" kinda space? See, it makes a difference whether I should wait for a call, call you, or forget about it, you know?
Or! Or, is it maybe that kinda space where you go off and sleep with like 2 or 3 guys you got your eye on, but couldn't do anything about because you were with me, but now they're coming onto you and you're "really confused" but in reality, you wanna try them out? And then when things don't work out as planned, you come back to me saying you realize now what a great guy I am, that we're meant to be together, and beg me to take you back? Cuz if it's that, then no dice. I ain't setting myself up as some sorta consolation prize. I am too good for that shit. And you know, babe, if you gotta sleep around and get dumped on by a bunch of other guys to realize that I'm your man -- after we've been going out for TWO YEARS, I might add -- then you gotta problem with your personality analysis skills, know what I'm saying?
Hey, look! Don't judge me here! You're the one brought it up. And don't tell me it's bullshit, cuz I seen it happen with a lotta guys down at the garage and back in school, okay? I ain't a total knob. I know what I'm talking about! I just don't want this shit happening to me. You wanna look out for yourself, well, I gotta do the same here, right?
So which is it, babe? I call you in a few weeks, and we discuss whether we're still ok? I give up on you all together? Or you're off to keep someone else up all night AND I give up on you all together? I'm perfectly willing to give you whatever space you need, but I draw the line at that.
(He laughs at her response.) You don't know. You don't fucking know? Okay, that means either you haven't thought this whole thing through enough, or you don't wanna tell me. And if it's the second reason, then I think I just hit the nail right on the head about that sleeping around shit. Am I right? (Beat. She doesn't answer.) Okay. Fine. I give up. You get all the space you want. All sorts of time alone. No phone calls, no e-mail, nothing. You figure out your shit, and gimme a call. I'll leave you alone till then. Whatever. Nah, I'm cool. I mean, it's not like you're giving me a choice here, right?
But I'm gonna say one more thing, and I'm only gonna say it once, so pay attention, okay? If I find out that during all this "space" time I'm giving you, you're with some other guy, then that's it. Game over. I will assume you've made your decision and it ain't me. Okay? I won't come around again. Ever. Even if you beg me to take you back. Got that? It'll be officially over, and you and that other guy can be happy or miserable or whatever and you can level your "space" shit at him for all I care. Got that? Your decision. Your time. But it's my time too. Think about that during your "space" time.
(He turns on his heel and starts to walk away. He pauses, tosses one last look at her, then turns away.)
Space. Tch! What the fuck is this "space" shit anyway?
(Exit)
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