Are you ready for sex?

Maybe you have a boyfriend who you really care about, someone you might even love or maybe you are just tired of being the last virgin in your group of friends, maybe you are just curious. Whatever the reason, you are wondering if you should take the plunge and go all the way. Maybe the question should be "Am I ready to have sex?" not if you will or when or who will it be.

What is being ready to have sex? First of all, what is sex? Sex can be defined as foreplay up to actual penetration. Sex can be described as a physical act or the joining of two souls. There are definitely some things you should know about sex before you have it. I'm sure that by now that you have heard about STDs and pregnancy. You probably even know how to put on a condom. What I am concerned about is what you probably don't know. It's something that is hard to explain and even harder to understand but I am asking you to bear with me and try to muddle through this and find the truth.

There is something that happens when you have sex for the first time, something strange and powerful that changes you from deep inside yourself. Something that goes way beyond the physical ramifications. This is something that can be indescribably beautiful or something that can feel like someone reached down deep inside you and tore out your soul just to feed it thorugh a paper shredder. Sometimes all you feel is nothing, just a big bunch of numb nothingness.

The thing is you just gave something of yourself, something special and unique that no one but you had, something that you will never have again. Think about who you would give this to, think about how it will feel a day, a month, and 10 years from nowto know that you gave that part of yourself to some guy that dumped you a month later. He has your most intimate secrets and left a gaping hole in your heart, in your emotional psyche. I am not kidding, sex really is this powerful. It is way beyond the physical. Maybe this will help you to see what I am talking about. This is a poem by a good friend of mine about casual sex. She gave me permission to reprint this in the hopes that someone might listen and not make the same mistake that so many of us have.

I feel my body ache
Or whatever it's supposed to be.
It slowly becomes foreign to me, Yet so familiar to others.
They hand my empty shell back to me
Broken and torn to the smallest fragments
How can I recognize it as me?
Or as any part of what I want to become?
I feel the numerous touches glide past me.
How can something so easily touched be worth anything? How can someone so eager to touch really feel anything?
They're as empty as the shell they give back to me.

I hope that you can kind of see what I am trying to explain. Sex doesn't have to be this way, it doesn't have to be an empty shell, void of any meaning. The simple truth is that the more you share it, the less you have. Every time you have sex you give away a part of yourself and after a while you have nothing left but some strange guy's shirt in your closet and it doesn't mean anything. My advice is to stay away from sex until you are with your forever man and it is your honeymoon.

No matter how old you are (and how careful) the risk of pregnancy, STDs and emotional hurt are all there and I ask you what is the point? Why do this to yourself? You are definitely worth so much more than that, don't throw yourself away. I garantee your marraige will be better for it, so will your self-esteem and so will your sex life. (Take for instance the fact that for women, your number of orgasms declines as the number of men rises and the fact that people who were virgins when thay wed have a much better marital sex life than those who didn't wait. Top all that off with a new study which shows that couples who lived together before marriage actually have a higher divorce rate. Believe it or not, it's true!)

In short if you are a virgin, I recommend staying that way until marriage and if you a not it doesn't mean you have to keep having sex. With a little "no thank you" you can save another part of yourself from falling into the wrong hands.

That's all fine and good but how do I say no?

1. Let him know that you are rejecting the sex, not him.

2. If he loved you, he wouldn't pressure you. Remember that.

3. Avoid being in private places for long periods of time and you may not even get
the opportunity.

4. Do not be afraid to stand up for what you believe and to walk out if necessary.

5. Remind him (and yourself) of fussy babies, genital warts and moldy tuna
sandwiches.

6. If necessary, keep a bucket of ice water handy. :o)

7. Set limits that you both respect such as no touching under clothes and/or no
touching below the waist and/or no getting naked.

I hope that helps at least a little. If you want more advice, ask your parents! As
always you can email me at Ilyssa13@hotmail.com.