So...You're getting married...

Good Luck!








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Just kidding. :)

In all seriousness the divorce rate for marriages of people over 25 is more than 50% and the divorce rate for teen marriages is even higher. So, now that you're nice and depressed, let's see what we can do about it. (By the way, all advice given is for those of you who are in healthy, non-abusive relationships. If any man in your life has beaten or sexually assaulted you, get help! If not for your sake then for your childen's.)

If you are here, I am assuming that you have already decided to get married. Just in case, though, her are a few questions to ask yourself.

Would you have gotten married if you were not pregnant or didn't have a child?

Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Are you willing to work out your differences or are you planning on changing your spouse?

Those are just a few things to think about. If you wouldn't have tied the knot without a child present, then you probably aren't really commited or in love with this person. If you aren't satisfied that he is the one for you either get satisfied or get out. If you are planning on changing the things about him that bother you, I'm afraid you've got some disappointment heading your way. There are many other things to consider which is why I recommend premarital counseling before you send out the invitations.

Now, if you have made your choice or if you want a glance into married life, read on.

First of all, remember that you are not destined to be a divorce statistic. You can make it and have a healthy marriage. I highly recommend premarital counseling for everyone. This can help you to get a good idea of what you are getting into and can equip you with the tools you neeed to make your marriage work.

Secondly, do not let failure overwhelm you. You will have fights and you will make up. You will have to compromise and you aren't always going to like it. You will forge the marriage of your dreams if you stick it out.

Also, contrary to very popular belief there is no perfect Mr. Right! Yes, I am sorry to brake it to you but it is very true whether we like it or not. No matter who you marry, you will have problems. He will have habits that annoy you. You will have things you do not agree with. The grass is not actually greener on the other side of the fence but the way the light hits it can make it seem like it is. Remember that!

Another very popular myth is that you always will feel as though you love him if you really do. Wrong! Sometimes you won't feel that wonderful sensation of being head over heels in love. It will come and go, it's the commitment that is forever. The long enduring love that I think we all want in a marriage comes from time and struggles and sticking it out through thick and thin. Sometimes (who are we kidding, a lot of times!) he'll do something stupid and you won't feel like you even like him let alone love him. The thing to do is work it out. Go to an unbiased third party (like a pastor or other marriage therapist) that you both respect and find a way to deal with you problem(s) that you can both live with. When you stick it out with an open heart the love will return (if it ever went away).

Speaking of love, here are some tips to keep it alive and strong:

Show your husband that you respect and admire him. (Believe me, he'll like that)

Make his favorite dinner (this applies a lot more as you two get older!)

Dress nicely for him. Just because you are married (or going to be) doesn't mean you both get to always dress like slobs.

Write him love letters and mail them to him or hide them in his coat, underwear drawer, etc.

Tell him you love him!

Remember that the loving things you do accumulate and the harsh things you do take away from the loving things so what you want are as many loving things as possible!

Also, the more love you show, the more comfortable he is to return it!

Just because you are in love, don't expect him to read your mind. He really does want to make you happy but he might not know how. Lovingly point him in the right direction but don't make him feel stupid.

Take time out for yourself on a regular basis. Set aside a night where you can go out with friends (or be alone) and he can either go out with his friends (or be alone) or he can watch the kids and you can switch. It might sound funny but this can go a long way to keeping your love alive.

Set aside a night where you go out on a kidless date. Go out together and just enjoy being together. It doen't have to be something extravagant and expensive, it can just be a walk in the park or a movie at the dollar theatre.

Those are just a few of the many things you can do and half the fun is discovering the others by yourself!

Anyway, I hope that this has given you some insight into being married and how to happily stay that way. The key is always the relationship. Do not expect to get married for a child and have it work out. You must put your heart into this. Another thing, children learn their love cues from their parents so if they have parents who don't love each other, what will that teach them?




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