This is here because at least one out of every four children are sexually abused. The aftermath of sexual abuse often leads to a change in behavior which can result in increased promiscuity and premarital sex. That, of course, leads to teen pregnancy. I don't know if I am correct, but my guess is that a larger percentage of sexually active teens have been abused compared to the rest of the population in general. Keep in mind that this is written for teenage women who have most likely been abused by men although the ideas here work for almost every situation.

If you are in a situation where you are being abused, the first step to getting your life back is getting out. Report it, tell your parents if they aren't involved. Do not be a silent victim. It feels scary and shameful to admit this and maybe they won't believe you. Keep telling people until someone does. Go straight to the police or to your local social worker. It will be hard but it will be worth it. That is the first thing you can do to get yourself back.

I will say it again: This was not your fault! You must believe that down to the very core of your being. It is only after you fully realize your innocence that you can deal with the rest of it.

Are you angry at your abuser? That is normal and necessary. Be angry at him! (or her) Feel the anger that you have for your abuser. Recognize it, label it and understand it. He took away something you will never have back. He stole something from you that you that can never be returned. You are changed and you will never be the same. It is not fair and he had no right! Allow yourself to feel this, do not be afraid of your anger. This is a time when you have every right to be angry. Write down how you feel. Write a poem, a letter or a story. Draw your anger, paint it. Run it out or shoot hoops until you can begin to handle it again. If you can, talk to someone. Express how you feel.

You will find that there is a sadness as well. A grief for the person you will never be. Grief for the childhood that you should have experienced. Grief for your relationships and for yourself. Grief for the loss of your innocence and trust. Grief for your broken dreams and your shattered world. Cry if you need to. Find a way to express your feelings. Do not bottle them inside you. They do matter and you have a right to feel them. Your feelings are not wrong and they do have meaning. I will be repeating this again and again: Do not be afraid to express your feelings! Any hurt, anger, shame, guilt, regret, confusion, etc. Get it out and learn to deal with it. The sooner you do, the better you'll be.

Many people also find they begin to have mixed feelings about sex and gender. It is common to lose your sense of self and your sense of what it is to be your gender. What does it mean to be a woman? What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be attractive? Do I want to be attractive? Questions as clear and to the point as these will probably not be there. They will be expressed and asked in how you handle yourself and begin to treat others. Take out a mirror and look at yourself. What do you see? What kind of clothes are your wearing? What do they say about you? How do you feel about yourself? About your life? What kind of relationships are you building and how do they make you feel? Where are you going with your life?

There are quite a few reactions to sexual abuse. Do you hide your body with layers of bulky clothes or do you expose it leaving little to the imagination? Are you crazy and flirtatious with the opposite sex? Do you feel that men accept you if you give them what they want? Or do you withdraw from the opposite sex? Do you try and be a guy? Do you hate guys? Do you trust men in general? I know that I am asking a lot of questions. I want you to really take a good look at yourself and what you are doing. You may think that you have dealt with the abuse but have you really?

Surviving sexual abuse is one thing, I want you to learn to live after sexual abuse. The goal is to get your life back on track and sort out how you feel. It takes time, sometimes years. Living with the scars of sexual abuse is a day to day thing. Take one day and one situation at a time and do the best you can. Over time, it will become easier and easier.