desperation has a new home
and it's in my head
anger-displacement is the lesson
my walls have been learning for weeks
denial is a fact in a life no longer
worth living for
depression is the all-consuming fire
that controls the life 
no longer worth living
dementia encompasses a head full 
of harmful thoughts
that have no answers
no questions, with no regrets, no memories, no fondness-
just plain humiliation 
because the life 
was lived in vain.


11.1.99
hurt

im indestructible now
nothing can hurt me
not the flames of the "in the rain" Calgon candle bought last wednesday
not the $10 gallon of vodka drowned in the following morning
not the 69 Tylenol swallowed last thursday 
not the serrated edges of the pearing knife lying by my side covered in B-
nothing
only leave blisters, hangovers, and scars i can hide
nothing harms me now
except for one thing
memories emotions feelings tears
the constant nagging at the back of a throat
the irregular beating of a broken heart
the throbbing of an unshared area of a woman's body
but i'm indestructible
i can stand in front of a freight train if i wanted
i could take a .39 and pull the trigger
i can take a step straight out of my third story window
i could take more pills, cut a little deeper, drink a little more
but it would never compare to the hurt inside me now
nothing can.






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