don't you know what you are doing
stepping in stepping out walking all over
a glass menagerie covered with concrete
with a refusal to be broken
but you can't hide the fact
its still breakable beyond all
preotection doesn't matter  when
you're in complete control yet unaware
ready to run ready to hide
ready to jump back out the door
at any moment. . . every moment
in time- with you it seems
like old tyme perfection
but not because perfection we are not
but close as we could get
or allow ourselves to be
without breaking the crystal
without shoving down the wall
without moving too fast or too slow
or not at all, but we are - we
have and nothing can change that
or take it back- even if we 
wanted to- even if we tried
my heart is as confused as my head
lost in mass alienation, ostrasizing myself
building walls and breaking them back down is tiring
but someone has to do it
you won't.  but to no fault of your own
we're so much alike- 2 peas in a pod
probably use the samel ines
think the same thoughts
while lying in bed- but if that's 
the case- i ask why are you there
and not here- and i can answer that
myself- as i'm sure you have.  
you Love her- go back
       run.


and this one today in ferret's--isn't done...has yet to begin

moving too fast but moving so slow
i wonder, often wonder
if there's been movement at all
i invited them over and
they lie in my bed
they hold and carress me
tell me secrets and hold my hand
and still he haunts my head
they try to make Love
they try to succeed
they get on top and smile secretly
they are all games
plain and simple
and i play them too, 
so i can't fault in the least bit
but
i lost Love somewhere btwn my thighs and my heart
and that's where i lost myself
because, i'm not in it for the sex
i'm not in it for the fuck
its a plus
its a bonus
its not something i live for
blahjasdlfjkalskfjlakjsdfkljasdklfjaklsdfjkla

font color="white"
so what do i say. i don't want anyone to see this. ever. because...its me. its totally me letting myself get into something i don't
need to get into. so....i attach it to the bottome of some stupid page and make it white so its techinically invisble to anyone who doesn't look deeper.  now that's....retarted and pathetic.  but ahhh..well).  i keep saying ryan reminds me of Jake....but ya know what. i onyl say that because i know if i do, then i don't
fall in Love with ryan..and i fear it is too late for that. i've convinced myself that he has so much in common with jake, when, in
all actuality.....*laughs* he doesn't at all. ryan is...ryan. but..if i let him be Jake, then i don't get hurt. because, i know he'll leave if
i do. is that what i want? do i want him to leave? i'm so scared. so scared that i'm falling in Love with him. sooo soo scared that
i'm going to get hurt again..and i can't handle it. i honestly can't. i want to be with ryan, because he is ryan....but....i'm afraid that
he doesn't want me...that he can't handle me..that....oh god...so much. would i rather stay single and be miserable or see the lite
of Love for a mere second and then be...*sigh* i don't know. we have the concert tomorrow..we'll see how it goes from there.
and this weekend..i can spend time with him..and see..if i manage to really push him away...:( why am i sooo confused. i can't
push him into a relationship he doesn't want..so i go slow..if i go slow...i risk pushing him away...i'm doomed. and ....i'm
scared..and...i think...nevermind what i think. 

susan hates me-what's new- bad thing is, i wonder if i even care all that much anymore. sarah...ahhh...sarah...*shrug* me not
know. i told her i thought ....well, i told her about the whole ryan thing, and she was all like, talia, go for it....don't push him
away...but..that's sarah, of course. shit....what am i doing... i told myself i wouldn't fall in Love again....i promised...