controversy curtailed, i don't think so
nuh uh- he said hi 3 times
in 3 days
after i'd locked myself 
in a room
with 100 decibels and a knife
scerrated edges and all
i come out
blotchy faced and bloody
a hoodie to cover the perpetual scars
a stroll down the hall
the ladies restroom
porcelain queen
"bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve"
jealousy revisited?
perhaps, but not quite
better thought of
this time
defendable because
he did
fuck her
right next door
one wall between
two smoldering compassionless bodies
and me
a body 
naught of life
in refusal to cry
but ready to cut
wondering
which one shows
my weakness more
either- cause i am
weak. 
pathetic
psychotic?  why not
did i care that
much 
honestly
or was it because
i let him in-
whether it be in my heart
or just in my life-
(or my bed)
i opened the door
and betrayal soon did step in
no we weren't official
there were no expectations
excpet one
respect
she was my friend
before this weekend
and now forever not
because of an infallible
awkward silence
in an empty hallway separates us
and him-
should i?
after all 
of 
this-
even speak
much less more---
how hard will it be
how much more am i
going to let him
slam the door in my face?
because he's special?
or because he's not Jake-
or is-
he. 
is that what i've made him
nito?
is that why it hurt
so bad
or genuine care
for him
not because of truly 
absent
similarity?
he did betray me
lie
hurt 
more even
maybe it just hurts more
as you grow
but more because he used me
and threw me aside
and i was totally aware
this time
no question
 no doubt
but i do want him
some part
does-
and i want him-
happy...
i think
yeah- 
she does that- 
ok-
but that doesn't
mean 
we have to be
best fucking friends!!!