work in progress
So yeah, i was sitting in bed, after just getting off the phone with dan. . . wondering what i was doing with my life. I changed the channel and there was Brian McKnight singint that song that makes me cry everytime, and all i could think about was Jake, of course, what's new. Nothing. But then, i was thinking, remembering all of our times together, and how, i never want to forget them, because they were so important to me, even though they are gone now, but i would like to remember them, and so, here is me trying.
i remember the first nite we met and how it was such kismet from the time he opened the car door to step out into the parking lot where i was sitting in heather's car, 6 feet away, how i knew i was going to be with him from that very moment on. that was the first day i met Jake, really met him, i had layed eyes on him before, but only eyes had crusshed, not yet my heart. That nite we talked, we clicked, and i remember every moment of it. From the time we got "trapped together" int he same Pepe where we ha dto make smallt alk about majors and friends, and drinking and what made who horny to eating dinner at heather's house and even her parent's questioning our status right then and there. we sat across frome ach other at the kitchen table, and i still to this day can remember the look on his face when he looked across to me, he was the most adorable little boy i had ever laid eyes on, and more intriguing than Ghandi himself. i wathed his hands as he ate, and his mouth as he talked, i was in awe, i was having fun playing with him in my head. that nite we got stuck together a little more and a little more, right up until heather and walter went upstairs to take a shower to leave the two of us alone with lots of alcohol under our skin. i kept drinking, thinking i was indestructible, hoping that the feeling was mutual and wondering if he was going to do something about it because i sensed we were both the shy type, we were. it took us both getting persnickered for anyone to say anything. we sat there on "Sophia" jabbering about this and that, i really can't remember what, i was drunk and crushing in a big way...i looked into his eyes and it almost scared me because what i saw was sooo....indescribable. finally the liquor got to me and i lie down on his lap, first on the couch, then on to his lap, i wasn't that easy and unshy, even though i was three sheets to the wind. finally, at last, he leaned down to kiss me...and the rest...well...was perfection.
That nite some tihngs happened that catapulted us into relationship status, which neither of us were sure of, but were both ready for, or so we thought. i had met his mother that nite as well, and Loki, the crazy bird, and Abigail, his sister. i won't ever forget, when i walked into that house we were just acquaintances, we had only met hours before, and here i was being introduced to his family, the situation was already weird. he showed me his miniatures and i was incredibly impressed, but couldn't show it for fear that it would seem a bit overdramatic. i remember Abby yelling at Loki but she yelled:JACOB!!" and it was the funniest thing, becaue the looks on everyones faces were priceless. she was wearinga nitey from Lane Bryant that said Goddess on the front and i remember Jake telling me how much he hated his sister (actually that was after i met her) and how much of a bitch his momma was, from other sources as well, because they wouldn't have had to get an apt had his mother not been such a bitch. but i liked her. i liked her immediately, i don't know what it was about her, but i was drawn to her. maybe it was the collection of kaleidoscopes or the firniture in her front room, ior the fact that she named her bird after the angel of death, i wasn't sure, but i liked her. then again, it could have been just because i liked her son. i met his father too, not the same nite though, about three months after, at his sister's graduation. i bought my first skirt for that graduation, i was so nervous about meeting his dad. i had heard so much about him, i didn't want to disappoint him, or hurt Jake, but i knew i would. my lip ring and red hair couldn't hold up to a military father that Jake was still trying to impress. but i liked him. he was sweet, nice, and above all, Honest..the best quality to ask for in a man, i thank him for that, because he definitely passed that on to Jacob. that same day i met his grandmother who was jsut about the sweetest grandmother from another family i've ever met. she too was an honest one, didn't care to hold anything back--you can see it in the family line, i think both abby and Jake hold that dear. it's funny, for weeks Jake ad been coming to get me at home and as soon as he walked in the door or as i walked out he would want a hug or an embrace, a kiss, a touch, something to show that we Loved each other, a physical closeness because we had been apart for so long, and many times i shied away because i had never been in a relationship before, and in front of my parents, well, i was just a little shy, and i think he wondered about that sometimes...if i wanted to hide it from them or something, because i did. the first two weeks we were dating, i never let them know we were actually dating, i said we were jsut friends...i didn't want the complications or all the questions they would ask. soon, after he brought me home from school, after spending two extra days there, they realized, but i still shied away from it. now was his chance to shy away-at his sister's graduation....sitting besdie his father and grandmother in a full stadium. he held my hand hiding under a cup holder, i'm sure, afraid of the same things. sometimes, i think we were so much alike it's scary.
so it went on. i went home the morning after we met and came home three days later to a joyous message on my machine. i was more than ecstatic. when i had come home that friday morning hungover and glowing, i could hardly remember his name, but by the time i opened my dorm room door, i was chanting "please let jake have called". he had. i called back that sunday and by the middle of the week we finally went on our first official date. talia had entered the realm of the grown-up, or something like that. i remember leaving that nite, i was incredibly nervous and had no idea what to wear. i was a normal t-shirt and jeans girl. i carried my back pack everywhere i went and very seldom wore make-up. i walked down the hallway toward the door he was picking me up at, and katy stopped me in the hall. "what are you doing" she asked, and i stopped, glowing, and told her where i was off to. she made me leave my back pack in her room, splash on some foundation, eyeliner, and lip gloss, and sent me on my way. i opened the door outside to the man i had been with almost a week before, the man i was falling for rather quickly, openeing the door to Pepe with a white rose in his hand. my heart melted.
i can't write anymore, i'm freezing, chattering, and ....stuff.
side thought--Loving Jake, made me Love myself, he made me see me, in a different lite. as cheesy and cliche as that is, that;s what Love does. it allows you to see your Love...and as always, i wonder, if it will ever leave me