i never felt
as though i
were positioned
above or below
under or beneath
the opposite sex
though i seemed
to have placed
myself there. 
purposefully- perpetually
hold the load
of them
and myself
on my shoulders
Atlas- the weight
of us
on mine
too broad
for a woman.
thinking back
maybe 
that's where it all
began. 
the broad shoulders
big feet
a flat chest
liking its looks
in a white
t-shirt.
but then
thr rounded hips
began to frame
my shadow
and an ass 
for spectators 
to gleam at
now make me. . . 
help me into
my womanly-ness
long hair
and a lite voice
a feminine voice
that helps
doesn't it?
its huskiness
hinders sometimes
and ceases me from
ceaseless talks
which in themselves
characterize 
me 
as a woman
because my emotions
my heart
my nakedness
and my willingness 
to be so
are embodied
(my gender)
in those talks
ceaseless conversations
when teary-eyed friends
sunken hearts
accompany my misery
and cause me
to question
that very 
thing i've been 
frightened, hiding from
carrying the load of whom
of them or myself--
when i could be
carrying nothing
if i just made the choice.

01.25.01