shutterbug

--for my grampa

i caught my shutter bug from you stooped
on your knee listening to stories of collecting
coins from overseas and under sea adventures
(the USS Buck—thank Gods for the Missouri) like Atlantis in my imag-
ination- the one grandmother lent me in her
time between the womb and the earth-
where you’ll be now—after this life
after trips to Lake Michigan losing
canoes and following birch tree trails to white
sand beaches with sons and dogs and sunsets
and buggy rides on Father’s Day with great
grandchildren and children grand in tow
with smiles, teeth showing
after World’s Fairs in New Orleans travelling
with masks larger than life and trips out West with little girls smoking cigarettes in the truck bed, hiding, listening to that good ole rock and roll (shhhh) after building breaking molding showing influencing mentoring fathering reckoning revelling—snapping still frames of all that life—you lived.
at 1306 W. 6th street (Marion, Indiana) in Manchester, Kentucky, Connersville, Indiana, Valrico, Florida, China, Greece, the Red Sea, Fisher Body, Barry Bunker Chevrolet, Metamora, Burger King, on the road, in a car, in your head, in our hearts
you will always live always you will live
but for now with grandmother you will hold
hands watching God and his potato
barrels against the rooftop of the sky because
Yes! She was saved and
Yes! You were too and
Yes! we will miss you but
Yes! you will remain inside us- beside us because
she’s explained the last 7 years
and the confusion mask has been
removed from your pretty blue eyes
so you will walk side by side with Abigail and Claire as they take their first steps, your pinky in their curled up little hands, and you will nudge my precious little Gabriel into his first non-Dutch word, his first conversation, his first audible sound. you will watch over Lilly’s shoulder when she turns the first page of the first book she ever reads and you will accompany Zachary, Aaron, Kaye and Makayla into their first dates, Loves, attempts at pre-teen existence. with me, talia layne, and Cory Michelle, and Derek Brandon, you will hold our hands as we blindly approach the real world with clenched fists, you will smooth our knuckles into off white all while you watch with glowing eyes the eldest, Gary Junior and Scott Allen as they raise their beautiful babies the very way you’ve taught them to.
but wait! I’m not finished. because more than all of that more than the first steps and first words and first Loves and first worlds —you will rest first in the hearts of those four beautiful babies (all grown up) sitting in those first few rows.
Gary Wayne
Sonia Kaye
Mark David and
Carol Noel
telling them no regrets, no returns
because you lived grandpa, dad, brother, uncle, friend, great granddad, husband and we have proof
we are proof
you are proof
proofs of (photo) negatives that never fade
archival in the memory of skin paper
and stories that will never die.



06.23.03