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Can this relationship lead into sin?
Dear Vince:
I just need someone to talk to. I have been dating the same great guy for a year and four months, but before that, we were best friends. I think we did everything correctly, we were good friends, we attended youthgroup and church together, we both volunteered in the church daycare, and we are both in a
martial arts class together (lead by my father).
I have no doubt that he loves me, because he's not afraid to show it even infront of others, he doesn't abuse me in any way, and he's the most caring
person in the world, I know he's my number one fan, but I do see a problem
emerging.
I am the first person he has dated at all, and he is my second (the first a baptist i worked with at a christian camp). We both knew that this relationship was special, and that great things were going to happen. We are always on the same wave-length, and both families love us and each other. It's sort of been a given that we will be married, however we have chosen to wait until we both graduate college (5/1/05). That's exactly 803 days away, but we have really started progressing in the relationship.
We started out with great intentions, we bought couple's devotionals, we attended church activities, and we are both believing and saved Christians, but I think the physical relationship is progressing too quickly. We went from holding hands, to hugging, to a quick peck, to kissing on the mouth, to french kissing, to watching movies in his room, and just recently, we've gotten to the point where the makingout has resulted to mutual orgasims. All this in about a year!
Like any human being, I's love to throw caution to thw wind, but we both
know that we shouldn't indulge until we marry (and that's not the reason we are
planning to marry). I brought this up once before, and we both made a promise to
each other that we would not, under any terms allow ourselves to go all the way.
And we haven't had any oral sex, or fondeling, but recently, touching each
other's behinds while making out, and putting our hands down the back sides of
the other's pants, have entered the relm of acceptability.
I know exactly what you're going to say, just don't meet in his bedroom, don't allow him to touch you, don't touch him, but the problem is that he's not taking advantage of me, I'm just as guilty.
I think we were scared off of youth group because the minister (strict
baptist) basically said you shouldn't even say you love them until you have a
ring on your finger. That blew us both away! We couldn't even imagine not being
able to say what was so apparent to everyone who knew us. Because we didn't
agree with some of his morals, we stopped going to youthgroup. All I know, is
that I love him, and I know we will marry, and I know what the consequences
would be of pre-marital sex, and I know that would definatly change things. We
have both made that decision, and like he's said, "you have to give us credit,
atleast we've managed to keep our clothes on." I'm only afraid that is the next
step...
But don't read into this too much, he's a great guy, and we have so much in common, we can talk about just about anything, I just don't want to hurt him. For goodness sakes, he had a star named after me for Valentine's Day this year! He means more to me than anything else in the world, but I want desperatly for this to work out.
Please pray for us, and feel free to e-mail me, but you don't have to. I just know if I tried to talk to anyone else, they'd flip out. If we have to stop quickly when someone comes downstairs, doesn't that mean we know we're doing something wrong? Then why can't we stop?
*HUGS*
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Dear Amanda:
God is a good God.
Amanda, one of the only thing, you didn't mention was the leading of the Holy Spirit. Nowhere in your conversation did you mention about the Lord's leading you to do his will. The bible clearly teaches us to follow after the Holy Spirit and not of the fleshly desires.
Question:
If we have to stop quickly when someone comes downstairs, doesn't that mean we know we're doing something wrong? Then why can't we stop?
Answer:
Have you heard of the word COMPROMISE, because this is what is happening here? You two are compromising the way God wants you to live, can you clearly see the progression of the sins that are increasing UNTIL you can't seem to STOP. Many have fallen into this kind of trap and have fallen short of God's desire for their life.
To help to get the remedy, you need to start at the beginning. Both of you have accepted that going together as boyfriend and girlfriend is acceptable and this is theoretically, where it all started. I believe that you can have friends and church brothers but from there until marriage, ONE has to be very careful, not to fall into SIN. Now, it doesn't have to end up in sin, if the individuals take the steps and precautions by staying PURE. Applying SELF-CONTROL [a part of the fruit of the Spirit] is good but some have gone so far that they need to be healed.
This healing can comes from fasting and prayer, abstaining from each other in any sinful ways and seeking a minister who has a deliverance ministry to cast out all the demonic spirits that may have entered your lives, because of sin.
"I think the physical relationship is progressing too quickly. We went from holding hands, to hugging, to a quick peck, to kissing on the mouth, [You should have stopped here.] to french kissing, to watching movies in his room, and just recently, [This is way too far.] we've gotten to the point where the makingout has resulted to mutual orgasims. All this in about a year!"
"And we haven't had any oral sex, or fondeling, but recently, [This is way too far.] touching each other's behinds while making out, and putting our hands down the back sides of the other's pants, have entered the relm of acceptability."
By knowing your boundaries, you can begin again after the penalty of sin has been BROKEN and the demonic activities have been repelled to a safe level. Then you two can apply the boundaries that were supposed to be there in the first place. You have a battle on your hands and please take note that because you may want to stop, doesn't means that he will want to stop the same time. Some may even try to play it off as not crossing the line of sin, to even admitting that nothing is wrong. Something is wrong, and you clearly need deliverance [healing] from the sins that were committed. You have given the DEVIL a foot hold into your life and now you and your BOYFRIEND need to resist the devil through a committed christian lifestyle.
This has been started through progression, and this progression has lead many others into a sinful state. It will lead you there, if you don't stop. Fight back! If you still need more instructions, please write back.
Question:
"I know exactly what you're going to say, just don't meet in his bedroom,
don't allow him to touch you, don't touch him."
Answer:
You are right but you have to also apply self-control TOO. It would be good to read the dating page, even if you have read it before. You may find out some things that you need there.
www.oocities.org/dearvince/dating.html
Yours
Vince
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