so i had a pizza craving last night, and watching the x-files and realising that i wouldn't be able to cook something until after 11 when the practice would be over i decided that hey, i can afford a pizza. so i called and told the pizza people that. the pizza people said, sure honey, it'll be there in 35 minutes. okay, i made up the honey part. anyhow.

they lied.

an hour rolled by and no stranger bearing food knocked on our door. the nice jennie tried real hard to pretend it was still only moments away, she really did, but the big, bad screaming hungry jennie took over. and so a phone was dialed and we got told that no, the driver did leave, it's on its way, it's coming, it should be there any second now.

they lied.

the nice jennie was going to give them the benefit of the doubt, because she's nice, but 15 minutes later jennie's stomach took over and dialed the number all by itself and talked to the manager and he told jennie's stomach that they would take $2 of the price when the pizza arrived because it's on the way and should be there any minute.

they lied.

fifteen minutes later and one more phonecall (this time by aziza and not one of my intestines)makes it a quarter till midnight and even though jennie is trying really hard to be all mean and mad and hungry, nice jennie pops up in the background. "what if our driver had an accident bringing us food and he died and it's all my fault i killed the pizza driver oHMYGHOD THE GUILT!"

a faint, tiny little knock is heard.

moron jennie imagines a pizza boy delivering cold food with blood sputtered all over it bearing news of the original pizza boy's horrid fate and almost doesn't open the door but does. behold tired pizza boy asking, beggingly, "is this --?" with seemingly all his limbs and life intact.

success. a phone call to the manager later and we got our free pizza's and an explanation (pizza boy new to the area on a 2 hour search of elusive place that was mismarked.) pizza boy leaves. (of course, then i realise he forgot my soda but i was in no mood to start the cycle over.)

and that's how i got free pizza and didn't kill a pizza boy. now i'm busy worrying that our constant calling and free pizza's got him fired, but that's another chunky story and will probably be published in a 16 volume edition entitled "me and my guilt - how i am the source of all bad things that happen."