hold onto nothing as fast as you can well still pretty good year suddenly all that time that used to exist is nowhere to be found. when i started to work with the school news paper i had no idea what i was getting into. this is my second day in a row where i will clock in on over 12 hrs for a workday. i spent 6 hours puzzling texts, headlines, images, pull quotes and advertisements together for two skanky pages for the next issue. the other 6 were spent trying to pretend i'm not tired to the toe and "writing" my piece on the blood drive. not a line will come out. not happening at all. i'm suffering from an extreme case of performance angst. why the hell did i offer to do a piece? and here i sit with 4 pages of quotes and notes, unable to figure out how to say that the blood drive was held a few days ago. it's even worse when people attempt to help me. i can't handle it. i'm so scared of people realizing how badly i suck at, well, everything, and therefore end up unable to do anything to prove otherwise. i have my own desk. well, at least one desk i work at - it's not exactly mine. i've spent so many hours here it's hard for me to imagine that it's just regular equiptment, there for anybody to use. and yet it's not the work itself that has me leaning my head on the desk as i try to think of a second sentence after "the blood drive was held the other day" this newspaper office is such a vibrant place, yet i never feel apart of it. i'm the geek in the corner tapping away at the keyboard. sometimes i get some playful comments about the music i play or somebody interested in what i do, but most of the time it's just me and the corner. i don't know how that happens. i'm right next to the layout room, and it's roaring with laughter. i would like to share in the laughter, and i try to wiggle in, be a part, integrate myself and it never works. what does it take? i make playful comments. i'm concerned when people aren't feeling well. i get them involved with what i'm doing. i ask for advice. i happily let them poke gentle fun at me because it makes me think they care. and still. the geek in the corner. okay, so basically i think what i'm saying is - WHY AREN'T THE OTHER KIDS PLAYING WITH ME???? sulk, moan, sniffle. i do this work because i like the illusion that i'm a part of something, but apart from getting perks like a tiny salary, rides home from school and something to finally put on that so tiny resume it's not very different from sitting in the lab fiddling with this site. oh well. i can't really see the screen very well right now. i did have a superb breakfast on icecream (from the icecream truck - woooo) and a bagel and all but it's just all a blur and the more i try to work the more prone i seem to be to greet setbacks with cussing and actual tired tears. thank ghod i have tomorrow off. i'm going to watch E! all day long for oscar coverage, dye my hair blue and watch the oscars. i'm rooting for angelina jolie and hilary swank and that's all anybody needs to know. blur.

kristin hersh and vic chestnutt, march 16 the quality is horrid, but i don't care. i've never taken pictures at a concert before and i'm extremely thrilled to have tangible momentos. - kristin singing. this is how red the spotlight was, and the pic was taken by accident as she was belting a song out. - same picture as above but black and white - it's a bit easier to see 'details' in it, if you care. - kristin and vic chit-chatting inbetween songs. they're both so tiny and cute. erm. anyhow..