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I'm so tired. Seriously tired. I've tried to sleep again and again, I KNOW that I have to get up around 6.15-30 am every day (and I do), but my body keeps me wide awake until 2-3 every night. And I dream. *shrug* I tried not eating close before I go to bed. Tried warm milk. Tried reading till I nearly pass out. Tried watching tv until I nearly pass out. Tried getting in bed early. Nothing. (Not that those things have helped in the past, but I still keep trying them.) Last nights experiment involved a shower, and listening to soothing (Tricky) music in my head phones. Failed.
A strange cold I thought was about to leave has taken over my nosemybrainmythroatmychest, and I find myself letting out a snore when on the bus, when in class, when simply sitting and typing. This bothers me, as.. well. I usualy don't snore. It makes me paranoid. Everytime I pull my head back up with a jerk and look around me, I get paranoid that I just spent 10 minutes snoring on the bus. My throat has been sore and swollen for weeks now - I've sounded like a toad since early on when I went to Arizona, and it keeps doing it. Hate my voice. My eyes keep bailing out on me - they need sleep. I need sleep.
My gums bleed and hurt when I brush my teeth, my brain keep malfunctioning and forgetting. I took a 35 minute long shower last night because I kept forgetting that I had already washed my hair. I ended up washing it three times. I realized it as I was dosing out a forth squirt of shampoo into my hand, because the water was getting cold and it takes quite a while for it to run out of warm.
I stood there a while with the shampoo in my hand, then let the water wash it away. As I let my hand stroke my hair, I could feel strands of it getting stuck to my skin and between my fingers. I suddenly couldn't stop stroking my hair, catching more and more loose hairs, and making little orange spiders out of it. My brain rationalized the loss with "it is normal to lose 100 hairs a day. It only looks more because it's gotten longer and is tussled up. You haven't brushed your hair in 2 days, or washed it in 4 - it's parts of the other day's '100 hairs a day'." Little orange spiders.
I spent $200+ on school books, and have one more major book to get. I'm eating my spinach, and yet the fucking shoe dropped and I don't know why.
I'm trying so hard to function smoothly, and in major, important areas it's working (I'm going to school, I'm getting my supplies, I'm eating alright), but it's a struggle. My thoughts is that it is simply delayed crap from the long bus ride last week, the crappy food it brought with it, the lack of sleep, and now having to get up early and actually bring my brain with me to school, while trying to leave some of the other baggage that is bothering me closed inside my bedroom closet.
fortify my arms
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